French President, Emmanuel Macron announced last night that France is to have a new king for the first time in 230 years, named: Wilton Sampaio
A republic since the abolition of the monarchy in 1792. France will see Brazillian World Cup referee, Wilton Sampaio crowned king on Sunday, December 18th December shortly after France are declared World Football Champions, after defeating Argentina in a close final, the score of which is yet to be agreed.
Wilton Sampaio – The King
Along with the usual perks of being King of France such as: living in the Palace of Versailles,.having control of the English Channel, and being the legal owner of all the cockerels in France, etc, comes a cash bonus of €1,000,000 paid in used notes in advance of the France V England quarterfinal match held last night in the Al Bayt Stadium, Qatar.
Wilton Sampaio officiated the match in which ‘Les Bleus’ came out worthy victors – if you measure success by cheating, that is.
The French committed 14 fouls to England’s 10, and were awarded 3 yellow cards to England’s 1. Although these stats do not include the other fifty-or-so French fouls that went unnoticed, including the one that led to France’s first goal, and the clear penalty that England captain, Harry Kane should have been awarded in the first half.
Meet the new King of France
Wilton Sampaio, accepted the honorary coronation in a secret meeting.that allegedly took place in the underground carpark of the Al Bayt stadium early last Saturday morning. Attending the alleged meeting were the referee, FIFA President, Gianni Infantino,.and the President of the French Football Federation, Noël Le Graët.
An investigative reporter working for the Suffolk Gazette witnessed the secret rendezvous. “Sampaio arrived first and went and stood in a shady alcove near the corner of the car park.
He was wearing sunglasses but I could tell it was him because he was wearing an official French football shirt.which appeared to have been autographed by the whole team.
Then the others arrived, also in sunglasses. It was clearly all very hush-hush, apart from the ‘La Marseillaise’.– the national anthem of France – which was blaring out from the Peugeot 5008 SUV that Le Graët arrived in. Infantino was clearly the go-between, carrying the holdall, the royal crown, and interpreting in French & Portuguese.
They exchanged the holdall and the crown, and after shaking hands, each quietly snuck way.”
Allakhazam!
It is a little-known fact that when away from his officiating duties, Wilton Sampaio (40) from Teresina de Goiás, Brazil, is an amateur magician! He often attends children’s parties entertaining them with his juggling, card tricks, and sleight of hand.
One of his most popular tricks is called ‘the disappearing red card’. Anyone watching Saturday’s match will have twice seen him practicing it during the game.
First, his red card magically disappeared each time Antoine Griezmann committed a second yellow card offence,.preventing the French midfielder from being sent off, and then most impressively, his red card again vanished into thin air when Theo Hernandez barged over England’s Mason Mount in the penalty area denying him a goal-scoring opportunity.
