WESTMINSTER, LONDON – In what can only be described as a culinary critique. Winston’s greasy spoon café in Westminster served-up a cheeky response to Prime Minister Keir Starmer’s ‘Return of the Sausages’ conference speech.

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

Following Starmer’s now-infamous gaffe, where he called for the return of “sausages” instead of “hostages”. While addressing the Israel-Palestine conflict, Winston’s decided to bring back the sausages in a way no one expected.

The café, known for its no-frills Full English breakfasts and political banter. Unveiled a new dish on Wednesday morning: a plate of sausages arranged to spell out the word “cunt.” Café owner Terry McGee, a local character known for his sharp tongue and equally sharp frying pan. He has confirmed the dish was a direct commentary on what he called Starmer’s “woeful performance” as Prime Minister since being elected.

“Well, he wanted sausages, didn’t he? I thought I’d give him what he asked for,” said McGee, flipping another Bowyers with unbothered nonchalance. “It’s not the most eloquent critique, but then again, neither was his speech.”

See you next Tuesday

The display has drawn mixed reactions from the café’s politically diverse clientele. Some regulars found the stunt hilarious, calling it “a fitting tribute to Starmer’s latest cock-up.” Others were less amused, calling it “vulgar” and “unhelpful to public discourse.” But McGee, ever the provocateur, shrugged it off. “I’ve offered Starmer a free breakfast on the house – next Tuesday – after he gets back from the US.”

Starmer has yet to comment on the sausage saga, though an insider at Downing Street reportedly said, “The PM is focused on the UN General Assembly and the serious issues at hand – not breakfast buffoonery.”

As Starmer prepares to head to New York, Winston’s will continue serving up politics on a plate – fried, buttered, and with a side of sizzling unapologetic satire.

Meanwhile: Waitrose to hold open evenings for common people only