VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis, the 266th pontiff, has recently been acting more canine than holy.

Religious Affairs Reporter: Rev Evan Elpus

Reports of him crawling on all fours, yapping, and nipping at the heels of clergy and Swiss guards had Vatican officials concerned. Seeking a divine solution to the papal pup problem, the Pontiff was fitted with an anti-bite collar, reminiscent of those worn by unruly pets, in an attempt to curb his peculiar antics.

The unusual behaviour, allegedly caused by a lingering fever, led a Vatican spokesman to announce, “In order to facilitate the Pope’s walkies, some important engagements scheduled for the next few days have been postponed.”

This revelation comes after Pope Francis, in a bid to maintain papal dignity, recited the Angelus prayer via video link from the Casa Santa Marta residence, lest the faithful witness him barking from the window of the Apostolic Palace.

Online canine

During the virtual address, Pope Francis, with a collar now securely fastened around his neck, informed the gathered crowd in St. Peter’s Square, “Today, I cannot look out of the window because I have cats to chase, woof!

The reflection will be read by Monsignor Braida, who knows them well because it is he who writes them, woof, woof! Anyhow, he always does them so well. Thank you for your prayers.”

The announcement has triggered a mix of concern and bewilderment among the Catholic faithful, who now find themselves praying for the Pope’s swift return to his more traditional role as the Shepherd of the Church, rather than the Sheepdog of the Faith.

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