By Sports Correspondent: Jock Strapp

Top Ten Horse Racing Tips

• Place your bets based on the colour of the jockeys’ underwear. It’s as scientific as any other method!

• Pick the horse that leaves the biggest pile of dung in the paddock. It’s sure to ‘steam’ ahead!

• Bet on the horse whose name you can pronounce correctly on the first try. It’s a sign of good luck.

• Select your favourite coloured horse, …as long as it’s brown.

• Place your bets based on which horse has the most Instagram followers. Clearly, they’re the fans’ favorites.

• Choose the horse with your lucky number on its saddlecloth. Guaranteed to work – just like the National Lottery.

• Place your bets based on the horse’s horoscope. If it’s the same as yours, they’re bound to be winners, right?

• Pick the horse with the fattest owner in the owner’s box. Greed is good!

• Bet on the horse with the most intricately braided mane. Clearly, they pay attention to detail.
  
• Choose the horse with the whinniest neigh. They’ll be chomping at the bit!