The TV script for the first new episode of The Sweeney in 42 years has been obtained by the Suffolk Gazette. Here is a sneak preview of the long-awaited return of this gritty police drama.
TITLE MUSIC
A GRIMY LONDON POLICE STATION
DETECTIVE INSPECTOR JACK REGAN AND DETECTIVE SERGEANT GEORGE CARTER ARE SITTING AT THEIR DESKS
DI Regan: Give us a fag, George.
DS Carter: I’m sorry, guv. We’re not allowed to smoke indoors anymore. And you’d better not let the bosses hear you say ‘fag’ or HR will do you for homophobia.
DI Regan: Shut it.
THE PHONE RINGS
DI Regan: We’ll be right there.
DS Carter: Trouble?
DI Regan: Armed robbery in progress at 34 Lorraine Fisher Road. Fire up the Granada.
DS Carter: I’m afraid the Ford Granada is long gone, guv. We have an electric Toyota Prius now. I hope it has been charged up.
INSIDE A SILENT ELECTRIC CAR SLOWLY TRAVELLING ALONG A LONDON STREET.
DI Regan: Floor it, George.
DS Carter: I am, guv. This is as fast as it goes. And there are speed cameras everywhere. And a bus lane there. And look out for this cycle lane introduced last week by Mayor Khan. And as for all the speed bumps…
DI Regan: Ridiculous. We’re meant to be the Flying Squad.
DS Carter: Didn’t you get the memo, guv? The bosses changed our name to Green Squad. Flying is so bad for the environment these days.
DI Regan: Well at least put the siren on.
DS Carter: Sorry, guv. It breaks noise pollution regulations, and this car doesn’t have enough battery for it anyway.
THE SQUAD CAR PULLS UP SLOWLY OUTSIDE A JEWELLERS. TWO MASKED ROBBERS ARE SEEN BRANDISHING WEAPONS INSIDE. DI REGAN AND DS CARTER BURST IN, AND FORCE THEM TO DROP THE WEAPONS.
DI Regan: We’re The Sweeney, son, and we haven’t had any dinner. You’ve kept us.…
DS Carter: Guv, you can’t speak to suspects in such a harsh tone anymore. You might upset their feelings; breach their human rights.
ONE OF THE ROBBERS IS WEARING TIGHT SHORTS
DI Regan: Get yer trousers on. You’re nicked.
DS Carter: Guv, I believe you have to read him his rights first now. Don’t be so rough with those handcuffs either, or we will be suspended.
BACK AT THE STATION, DI REGAN PULLS A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH FROM HIS DESK DRAWER
DI Regan: Well done, George. A good pull today. Drink?
DS Carter: Not yet, guv. I have got these 18 arrest process forms to fill in first.
CHIEF INSPECTOR FRANK HASKINS ENTERS THE ROOM
CI Haskins: Drinking on duty again, Regan? I’ve warned you before. You are suspended until further notice.
DS Carter: But guv, he was just…
DI Regan: Shut it.
RUN END CREDITS
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