SAXMUNDHAM, SUFFOLK – Storm Isha hurtled across the UK last night, leaving carnage and chaos in her tempestuous wake.

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

In Saxmundham, a garden trampoline was swept off its moorings and sent hurtling onto the roof of a benefit-reliant family’s house. Kevin Brown, an unemployed father of six, voiced his concerns, not about the trampoline, but about its collateral damage. “I don’t give a shit about the bloody trampoline, but it’s completely ruined our f*ckin TV picture, for f*ck’s sake,” lamented Kevin, contemplating the tragic loss of Match of the Day.

Gnome place like home

Further along the street, the symphony of chaos orchestrated by Storm Isha played on. Pet rabbits, whipped up in mini cyclones, smashed through kitchen windows. Trees were upended onto dilapidated shed roofs, and in one case, a family of garden gnomes, in situ since the 1970’s, were flung by 100mph winds into an adjacent garden causing an angry ownership dispute between neighbours (everybody needs good neighbours).

Storm Isha and her sister

As storm Isha subsides, Suffolk braces itself for the arrival of sister storm, Jocelyn who is due to strike tomorrow and predicted to be just as violent. In preparation, resilient Suffolk residents are battening down the hatches to protect what little is left of their garden furniture.