HILL FARM, FRAMLINGHAM – Hundreds of furious Suffolk farmers are planning to roll into Westminster with more than just pitchforks on November 19, as part of a protest against what they’re now calling the “Old McDonald Tax.”

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

With thousands of tonnes of horse shit prepped and ready to go, some say Sir Keir Starmer’s doorstep may soon smell more of the countryside than he bargained for.

This stinky situation began after Labour announced a sweeping tax policy, revoking the historic inheritance tax exemption for family farmland. Dubbed the “tractor tax,” it now means that farms valued over £1 million will face a 20% inheritance tax, a move that’s sent Suffolk’s farmers from mildly irritated to apoplectic. “If Sir Keir waaants a ‘new relationship’ with us, we’re bringing him a very personal ‘faaaarm-to-door’ experience,” said local farmer, Graeme Diggard shovelling an impressive pile of shit.

f****d in the hay barn

In fact, the farmers are rallying behind the slogan, “One shovel of shit for every lie.” The rally, organized by the National Farmers’ Union, will involve tractors, muck spreaders, and a cavalcade of flatbeds carrying what they call “eco-friendly protest materials” aimed squarely at Labour HQ.

The fury isn’t just over inheritance tax: many farmers say they’re already stretched thin. “CAP’s gone, wages are up, and subsidies are down. Now they’re taxing my land as if I’m running a coffee chain,” fumed another farmer.

Property expert Kirstie Allsopp chimed in online, saying Rachel Reeves had “f****d all farmers,” while Clarkson’s Farm’s own Jeremy Clarkson took to social media to urge resilience. “Hang in there,” he tweeted. “Maybe they’ll smell what they’re shovelling, eventually.”

Meanwhile, in Westminster, preparations are underway. According to sources, communist robot, Sir Keir’s team is already stockpiling air fresheners.

Govt is gearing up to tackle the protest: Norfolk Police now armed with pitchforks