Delivery driver Lorraine Fisher, 34 has been congratulated by bosses at Ipswich trucking firm HRG Haulage Ltd for completing her delivery round in whirlwind time because of Storm Daisy.

Assisted by the gale force winds of Storm Daisy, thwacking East Anglia at over 200mph, Fisher, who has been trucking for less than two years, completed her usual 5-hour round trip in 1hr 57mins, a thunderous time previously unheard of in haulage circles.

Deliveries during the Storm Daisy

Beginning in Ipswich and taking in the locales of Colchester, Bishop’s Stortford, Cambridge, Peterborough, King’s Lynn, and Norwich, fearless Fisher completed her deliveries in hair-raising style, in-keeping with one of the ladette trucker’s favourite TV shows, freight-based haulage hit, Ice Road Truckers. 

This reporter caught up with Fisher shortly after her bosses contacted us with their nerve-jangling story. I asked her how she achieved such an incredible feat of HGV-ing? Chewing gum as she spoke, the pretty, but common driver told me “Weeeeeell, oive been droivin’ thart route now for abart six months so I knows it okay.

I knows arl the bends in the road n’thart. I knows where arl the inclines, cambers n’ speed traps are n’thart. So, oi knows the roads really well. On top o’thart, oi luuurves that TV show ‘Oice Road Truckers’. I absolutely luvs that. Thas suffen good is thart.”

Finally getting to the point, the attractive yet inarticulate articulated lorriest spouted “When the 200 mph tailwind kicked in, thart was thart. There was no stoppin’ us. Lolliparp n’me. Lolliparp – that’s my artic. That’s what oi calls her. Oi got thart from Oice Road Truckers. Y’know… oice… Oice lolly… Lolliparp!”

The Motorist

A shit-scared motorist who was following ‘Lolliparp’ along the A47 near Ring’s End, caught the Beaufort scale-defying ‘wind wagon’ careering between lanes on one wheel. Asked whether this was a deliberate manoeuvre, windswept Fisher, 34 told us “Yep. Oi saw thart on Oice Road Truckers. Anyways, best I git gorn now, Mustn’t dawdle.”