Labour leader and socialist Lord of the Realm, Sir Kier Barrington Starmer, announced in the house of commons today. That he wants to recreate Britain’s second finest hour. Namely the 1940 Evacuation of the British expeditionary force from Dunkirk.

This time, instead of repatriating the stranded British soldiers who bravely fought their way to the North French coast. Under fire from Nazi munitions, der patriot Sir Winston Starmer plans to save 330,000 Albanian refugees, currently hanging around, smoking fags on the very same historic, blood-stained beaches.

How times have changed

The Dunkirk evacuation, codenamed Operation Dynamo took place between 26 May and 4 June 1940. After British troops were cut off and surrounded by the German Wehrmacht in the final days of the Battle of France. As promised by Churchill, our boys ‘fought them on the beaches’. Until deliverance came in the hastily convened flotilla of ‘little ships’ – merchant boats, fishing trawlers, pleasure craft, yachts, and lifeboats – sent from England to France by Churchill to rescue them. In total, 693 small vessels braved the north sea to bring home the bulk of the trapped British Army. Around 100 of which never made it home.

Britain under Labour

Class grasshopper Sir Kier, roared-on by his backbenchers, insisted that under a new Labour government. He would ‘recreate Dunkirk’ by allowing multitudes of Albanian refugees. Bravely leaving their wives and children at home as they run away from the Albanian Civil War (which ended in 1997), to create their own ‘flotilla of rubber dinghies’ with which they may ‘invade’ the south coast of Britain.

Starmer plan of action

The heroic labour leader, who is famous for not being able to resist knighthoods. For letting his mate Sir Tony Blair off copperbottomed ‘cash for honours’ charges. When he was Director of Public Prosecutions (what is it with socialists and titles?) insisted. In a heated commons debate, that the invading Albanian Expeditionary Force would be given, upon its arrival in Britain, ‘full board and lodgings in sumptuous English hotels at a cost of £7 million per day to the British taxpayer.’

Bad taste in the mouth

Asked by a random right-wing Tory MP, let’s say Jacob Rees-Mogg. Whether the sight of thousands of working-age male Albanians arriving illegally on British beaches, unable to provide for themselves might leave a ‘bad taste in the mouths of hard-pressed British citizens struggling to keep the lights on?’ millionaire tennis fan, Sir Anthony Blair Starmer replied: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question.”