Saxmundham, a market town in suffolk has opened its new kiddies’ playground.

Pornofruit Greengrocers of Saxmundham, Suffolk – recently featured in the Suffolk Gazette – has been showing off its new playground. The £12,000, state-of-the-art-of-lovemaking play area has been provided to allow horny parents to shop for groceries. Without having to drag their annoying, complaining children around, spoiling the sexy, adult atmosphere within the store.

‘No-kids’ wedding

Ex-Anne Summers shop manageress, Lolita Feelgood (65) told this publication: ”We have a lot of men, gays and lezzers coming into our store. Many of them mums and therefore there can be a lot of unwanted kids and toddlers wandering around. Like at a wedding reception. As I told the Gazette previously, I know from working in the love industry for over 40 years that what most normal people are thinking about when they are doing their weekly shop is sex, not kids.”

The brand new play area, a welcome distraction for shoppers’ offspring, features: swings, a roundabout, some springy horse things, and an ‘iconic’ ‘sperm-slide’ which is becoming a favourite.

No, you can’t have a Kinder egg.

Regular Pornofruit shopper, Gary from up the road told us: “Well I don’t have kids myself and when I’m shopping for a big peach to suck on the last thing. All I want is some chavvy woman’s snotty-nosed kid following me around whining about ‘mummy, mummy can I have Kinder egg?. I like to shop in peace, thank you very much, thinking about sex, and fruit, not shitty diapers.” I think the play area is fabulous. Keep them out of the way I say!”

Can you think of any more highly inappropriate amusements for a kids’ playground?