WREXHAM, WALES – Wales has become the unlikely location of a culinary coup d’état.
A militant group of ex-coal miners calling themselves ‘The Welsh Anti-Salad League’ has emerged from the squalid. Soot-covered backstreets of Wrexham, ready to defend their beloved national dish – no, not Leeks… chips (or French fries to our international friends).
The group of self-proclaimed ‘chip revolutionaries’ has taken to the streets, waving banners emblazoned with slogans like “Eat more chips, don’t let salad win” and “Chips is better than what salad is, isn’t it?” Their message is clear: they will not stand idly by as pubs and restaurants dare to replace their beloved chips with rabbit food.
Salty fingers
Members of the League, armed with vinegar-filled Molotov cocktails, have been staging protests outside local eateries that have had the audacity to put salad on their menus in place of chips.
They argue that salad is a shit, tasteless, unfulfilling food that can’t be eaten with the fingers. They’re demanding the restoration of greasy chips to their rightful place i.e. in their own hearts (and guts).
In an act of gluttonous rebellion, some group members have been spotted covertly sabotaging posh salads (Green, Ceasar, Waldorf, etc.) by sprinkling salt and vinegar on unsuspecting dishes served up to snooty health-conscious diners.
Lettuce move forward together
Local authorities are grappling with the unpleasant situation. Trying to balance the right to protest with the responsibility to promote a balanced diet. One officer sighed, “I f*cking hate salad as well, but we have to be seen to be doing ‘the right thing’.”
The battle between chips and salad lovers shows no sign of abating. Local food enthusiasts are left wondering whether a compromise can ever be reached. Some say a world where chips and salad coexist in harmony is not entirely out of reach.
Chips are made out of potatoes after all, and potatoes are a type of salad (?) Until a solution is found, one thing is clear: in Wales, the fight for the right to be a greedy, fat bastard continues, and The Welsh Anti-Salad League will stop at nothing
