SAINSBURY’S IPSWICH – Cathy Crump, a 16-stone betting shop cashier from Ipswich, has taken Sainsbury’s to task over their “Taste the Difference” mince pies. Crump, a self-proclaimed mince pie connoisseur, claims the supermarket’s £3 box of festive treats failed to distinguish itself from cheaper alternatives.

By Our Consumer Correspondent: Colin Allcabs

Crump’s investigation into the matter was thorough—devouring all six pies in the box to ensure her critique was accurate. “I couldn’t taste the difference,” Crump told The Suffolk Gazette. “I couldn’t taste anything that made these pies worth £3 when Asda’s are just £1.25. If anything, Asda’s were better!”

Mince pie test

When Sainsbury’s customer services challenged Crump on why she consumed the entire box before complaining, she replied curtly, “I wanted to be sure.” This meticulous approach eventually earned her a full refund and £20 in vouchers—proof, she insists, that her concerns were valid.

Ag-what?

However, the plot thickened when Crump later admitted she suffers from ageusia, a condition that leaves sufferers without any sense of taste. “Whaaaat? It’s a minor detail,” Crump explained. “I might not have taste buds, but I know value for money!”

Sainsbury’s, declining to comment on the peculiar saga, has been left reeling by Crump’s public takedown of their premium mince pies. Meanwhile, Asda’s budget offering has soared in popularity, with Crump declaring it the “pie of the season.”

Crump, unfazed by critics, has promised to apply the same rigorous testing to Sainsbury’s “Finest” Christmas pudding next, no doubt with the empty packaging returned to Sainsbury’s on Boxing Day.

Meanwhile: Poundland advertises for Xmas Cashier