Amidst the sadness of the nation’s mourning for our departed QE2, the cost of living crisis reared its ugly head again yesterday when it was reported that the cost of a single, used teabag hit a record price of $12,000 (£10,400).

Bitter taste Used Teabag

Tea, a bitter-tasting, watered-down plant sometimes mixed with honey, milk, whiskey or sugar and favoured by the British over sex, used to be a freely available, low-cost staple item popular among rich, poor, young and old… and builders.

Not anymore. Along with other basic survival items such as: toilet paper, water, dried pasta and diamonds, tea has now become the preserve of the wealthy elite who quaff it down by the bucket load.

All the China in Tea

The late Queen Elizabeth II (peace be upon her) was well known for not only drinking six or seven cuppa’s a day but also for owning India – where tea comes from. She would often be heard in the corridors of Windsor castle yelling “Pop the kettle on, Phil. I fancy a brew. Oh, and stick a couple of Garibaldi’s on the saucer will you?”

Tea, which is technically infused into water – not brewed – is not to everyone’s taste, however. The Americans in particular can’t stand the stuff, preferring a ‘cup of Joe’ with a donut, Twinkie, or ‘pastrami on rye’ sandwich.

Loose tea was banned in the U.S.A. completely in the 1970’s – apart from in Boston where, in the summer, radical teddy bears gather for tea-based picnics and parties.

Hot Drink Pun

Parvis Sanjeet, a commodities analyst from ‘Cityfax UK’ told us “The market for staple refreshments is severely overheated at the moment.

Retail prices for tea, milkshakes, Lilt and Babycham are all showing increases of up to 1234%. My advice? Drink your own piss.”

Allegedly… A teabag used by H.R.H. Queen Elizabeth is currently selling on eBay for nearly £11,000. Please contact celebrity royal butler, Paul Burrells if you wish to ‘Buy it Now’