To its credit, Primark has attempted to take the lead in the great British ‘what is a woman and what is a man?’ debate by signaling to customers its fitting room rules. Trouble is, the guidance is really confusing.

It used to be so simple. When you went to the shops to buy clothes, women would try them on in the women’s fitting room, men would use the men’s fitting room, and transvestites or transgenders would just borrow their wives’ or mums’ clothes without the need for them to fit properly at all. Today, everything’s changed.

Pri Mark (or Michelle)

Some of Primark’s fitting rooms are for women only, but they don’t specify what a woman is (?) I know what a woman is (I think), and so do you (probably) but one can never be certain anymore. I think womanhood has something to do with having the ability to menstruate and look after a family’s finances in a responsible way (apart from my brother’s wife, who spends his wages like she’s trying to bail out a swiss investment bank.) But what if I (a handsome, butch, womanizing man) choose to identify as a woman (which I sometimes like to do on a weekend)? Can I use the women’s fitting room at Primark? Perhaps I had better ask Nicola Sturgeon.

Fat Doris (or Dave)

Primark also offers ‘Any gender fitting rooms’ (whatever they are) to those who ask. Does this mean that as a fully-grown man (on weekdays, at least), I can share a fitting room with a juvenile female fitting for a school uniform, or a fat old Doris trying on some plus-size hosiery, as long as I ‘identify’ as a woman? Really?

Although we applaud Primark for trying, we recommend that it scraps its confusing fitting room guidance and adopt the system we use at the SUFFOLK GAZETTE. If our staff need to change clothes for whatever reason (e.g. switching between genders, willy-nilly) we just strip off and do it right there in the middle of the room, where everyone can see, without warning. I mean, what’s the point of having a special room for discreetly changing clothes IF ANYONE CAN GO IN THERE?

FFS.

Wake up Britain! You’re losing it – fast!