MILDENHA|LL, SUFFOLK – Lager drinker, Kevin Applegate from Mildenhall in Suffolk, found himself stuck in a 5-foot pothole during a drunken stroll home from the pub.

Security Correspondent: Ben Twarters

Applegate, who is unemployed and still lives with his parents, failed to return home after a night at the Horseshoe pub, less than a mile from his home, leading his concerned mother to alert the cops. Despite a half-hearted search effort by emergency services, Applegate remained lost, hidden from view within the grass-covered abyss of his pothole prison.

The growing number of potholes on Suffolk’s roads will be filled with attractive bedding plants in a new initiative by the county council.https://t.co/pXUZQabch5

— Suffolk Gazette (@SuffolkGazette) September 4, 2023

Half-hearted search

Would-be rescuers scoured the area in vain and friends and family distributed leaflets offering a £5 reward for information throughout the neighbourhood.

Thirty-six hours later, with hope dwindling for the feckless layabout, Bryan Smelling, a local dog walker out with his faithful companion, Izzy, a Labrador Retriever, inadvertently stumbled upon the scene of Applegate’s misfortune. It was Izzy’s keen nose and full bladder that led Smelling to investigate a peculiar clump of dead brown grass by the roadside that Izzy was using as a toilet. Upon closer inspection, the clump turned out to be none other than Applegate’s unkempt hair.

Pothole & Pub combo

Smelling called 999 and soon rescuers had sprung into action, releasing Applegate from his subterranean nightmare. As he emerged, dishevelled but unharmed, Applegate shook his hair free of dog urine and explained his 36-hour ordeal to reporters.

As for the pothole itself, Suffolk Council says it has added it to the list.

Meanwhile: Pothole art avenger ‘Wanksy’ targets Suffolk streets