Norwich Airport in Hellesdon, Norfolk, is to install the world’s first under-runway heating (rolls eyes).

The £16 million upgrade is a futile attempt by owners to prevent fog and ice from accumulating.on its single runway causing flight delays and cancellations. Inclement weather is common in the easterly county known for its drab meteorological outlooks.

The small airport, which resembles the Playmobil airport popular with long-haired,. snot-nosed children in the 1970’s, is the 28th busiest airport in the UK and the busiest in Norwich.

FOTNWIAOS

The move is likely to prove popular with the 150-odd passengers who use the airport each year to fly to exciting,.far-off destinations like Jersey and Aberdeen. However, some airport enthusiasts are not so sure.

Kevin Williams (38), a pencil sharpener from King’s Lynn, and a regular plane spotter at NWI,.told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE “(shouting) I am the founder member of the ‘Friends Of The NWI Association Of Spotters’, and our association has been in consultation with the owners for several years on this matter.”

Shouting at top of voice

We advised them that their priority should be the installation of heating in the airport lounge first. After that, we recommended that they upgrade their refreshment facilities from Bob’s Mobile Bacon Butty van to something more commensurate with an international travel hub serving the airborne commuters of East Anglia.”

Norwich Airport extension plans

(Shouting at top of voice through cupped hands) Despite these reservations, we think that on balance the under-runway heating is to be welcomed.

In fact, studies from other airports have shown that heat generated beneath a runway’s surface, when transferred to the tyres and inner tubes of an aeroplane’s wheels, can have what we call the ‘helium balloon’ effect and actually assist with take-off.

There is even an apocryphal (W.C. ‘a story of doubtful authenticity widely circulated as being true’) story of the vertical take-off of a Boeing 737 from Viru Viru International Airport in Bolivia, caused by the tarmac reaching 180 degrees Celsius.”

Head of Airside Operations, Lorraine Fisher (34) told this reporter “(screaming at top of voice) ”T H E R E  I S  N O  T R U T H  I N  T H I S  S T O R Y,  W-H-A-T-S-O-E-V-E-R.”

W.C. = Working Class