MPs who failed to deliver Brexit in two and half years have managed to give themselves a 2.7% pay rise bang on time.

Their rise, well above the rest of the public sector, will no doubt compensate MPs for the many hours they have had to spend sitting around on their arses doing nothing.

The salary hike, to £79,468, was announced today by the allegedly Independent Standards Authority.

It takes effect from April 1, but sadly this is not an April Fool’s joke.

Political commentator Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “The people of Britain will be amazed by this news.

“Those useless tossers have sat in the House of Commons for months, years even, arguing the toss over Brexit but delivering sod all.

“But no matter. When it comes to sticking their snouts in the trough, they’re super efficient.

“Anyone else in the public sector fancy a 2.7% pay rise as well? Sorry, your’s won’t be as high.”

The news comes after yet another week of MPs talking absolute bollocks and doing sod all to deliver on a referendum result.

And for those who believe there should be a second referendum, well guess what? Yep, they can’t agree on that either!