ARMY BARRACKS, WORCESTERSHIRE – In a solemn yet striking ceremony, Major Dickie Head of Worcestershire has been awarded the Military Cross Medal for his exceptional bravery while under fire in Iraq.

By Our Defence Editor: Doug Trench

While the medal itself glinted proudly, those close to Major Head have insisted the real star of the show was his impeccably polished helmet.

Assigned to Basra with B Company, 1st Battalion The Light Infantry, Major Head’s leadership was nothing short of extraordinary. Yet, in true modesty, the major claims that his meticulous helmet-polishing routine was the real secret to his success on parade.

Fellow officers recall his ritual fondly, with sources close to the battalion detailing Major Head’s diligent, near-sacred habit of polishing for precisely 42 minutes every evening. “He’d be there in the corner, polishing away,” remarked a fellow officer. “While some of us were simply hanging up our gear, Dickie was already elbow-deep in polish, muttering something about honour and brass.”

Big buff

It seems his commitment didn’t end at Basra. Even in the heat of the helicopter crash incident, Major Head allegedly paused to give his helmet one last buff. With the crowd growing ever angrier, the major gave the polished helmet a respectful nod and led his men to form a secure perimeter. Witnesses recall it glistening in the Iraqi sun, as if to say, “This man means business.”

Military Medal Award

When asked about his newfound fame, Major Head said, “I’m honoured by the award, but I wasn’t alone. Bravery was in every man—and helmet—there.” While his mother, Julia Head, is “very proud,” she adds, “The medal’s lovely, but his dedication to that helmet—well, that’s the true mark of my son.”

Buckingham Palace awaits, but word has it that his helmet will undergo another polishing marathon, to ensure it’s worthy of His Majesty’s gaze.

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