A man who had his Tesco Clubcard tattooed onto his arm has been branded a fool by his wife.

Brian Pettifer (40) from Long Melford in Suffolk thought it would be a good idea to have the QR code inked into his forearm after he kept forgetting his Clubcard and losing out on points. However, his wife, Sharon, thinks otherwise. She told us “He’s a tit. How much do you think the tattoo cost? £85. EIGHTY-FIVE POUND. And how much has he made back in Clubcard points? £18.25. Tit.”

Brian visits Tesco twice a day during the week, once to buy a meal deal on his way to work, and again to buy fags, chocolate, booze, and dog food on his way home. Despite the regularity of his visits, we calculated that due to the minuscule amount of points awarded for the items on his list (you get nothing for fags), it would take Brian 634 years to recoup the money he wasted spent on the tattoo.

Sharon wasn’t finished

Sharon wasn’t finished and added “No only is he a tit, he’s a bastard as well. He hasn’t got any tattoos of me. Nothin’. Nothin’ what says ‘Sharon forever’, or ‘Shaz & Bri’, or a nice picture of me or nuffin’. Bastard.”

Despite his lack of tattoos of Sharon, Brian, a professional labourer, does have many more spread across his muscular, yet dust-covered body. His upper right arm displays the skeleton of a polar bear which he had done to commemorate a traumatic trip he made to Colchester zoo as a child, while his forearm is ringed with a repeating, meaningless faux Aztec design. His left pectoral muscle is emblazoned with a large picture of a Staffordshire Bull Terrier chewing a baby’s arm, and his neck is imprinted with the name ‘Tina’ (?)

Gormless

Brian doesn’t speak very well due to not having many teeth but we think he said this: “Oi gart me one more tat. Oi gart me moi Nectar bar code tattooed so oi can get Nectar points n’arl.”

Really? Where abouts on your body is the tattoo?

“Arn moi arse!”

Good lord!