A seagull found dead after being shot in the head by an airgun in the Ribblesdale area of Carlton Colville, near Lowestoft, was not legendary Seagull 73, say Suffolk Police.
The bird was found dead on Monday, May 8 on the promenade by a little girl sucking on a lollipop. The pellet holes in its head indicate that the bird was caught in a triangulated crossfire between three assassins, much like President John F Kennedy, who was murdered in similar fashion near the grassy knoll in Dallas on 22nd November 1963.
Quite why the seagull was targeted is unsure but it is not believed to be connected with the bird’s policies on the invasion of Cuba or its secret negotiations with Russia’s president Nikita Krushchev.
Angry lone nut
When the shocking news of the murder first broke on Monday afternoon, some speculated that legendary local Seagull 73, Lowestoft Squadron, the most notorious gull in the area might have been the victim of a seagull gangland hit.
Seagull 73 Dominancy
The notorious 21-year-old Seagull 73 is the kingpin of the Lowestoft seagull underworld and has many enemies, any number of whom would like to see him dead. However, No 73 was later spotted near the Sandy Toes ice cream parlour, in a dust-up with two younger gulls over a half-eaten ice cream with one single remaining chopped nut, ruling him out as the victim, if not the perpetrator.
Anyone with information about the assassination is asked to contact the Central Intelligence Agency quoting crime reference JFKmkultra on 00(200) 0465902757356483 or email iknowwhoshotthepres@CIA.co.wedidit.USA.com