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Your Guide to the Cheltenham Gold Cup

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Your Guide to the Cheltenham Gold Cup
Handicap chase” (CC BY-SA 2.0) by Carine06

It’s one of the biggest events on the horse racing calendar and one that leads to a great summer of top class meetings. The Cheltenham Festival crosses four days in March with a high density of important, Group One renewals along the way.

The biggest of all races on a packed card is the Cheltenham Gold Cup. For those that are unfamiliar with the event, here is a guide to how it works, along with a look at some of the top contenders for the 2023 edition.

Happy Friday

The Cheltenham Gold Cup takes place on the final day of the four-day festival. The horse racing fraternity stops on Friday afternoon to witness one of the bigger spectacles in the sport, and many feel that this is a more important race than the Grand National, which follows in April.

The Gold Cup was first run in 1924 and it is a National Hunt race, over the jumps, for horses aged five years and over. It’s a stiff test of endurance over three miles, two furlongs and 70 yards of the Cheltenham course with a number of testing fences to negotiate along the way.

The race has produced some of the most memorable contests in the history of the sport. Great winners of the past include Arkle, L’Escargot, Desert Orchid and Best Mate, who won the Gold Cup for three consecutive years between 2002 and 2004.

It can also be a pointer for the Grand National that follows, but this is a prestigious race in its own right. As always, 2023 promises to be a classic.

In the Hat for 2023

Betting markets for big races such as the Cheltenham Gold Cup can usually be found across all 12 months of the year. There can be advantages to getting involved in the ante post betting as the odds will be longer some months in advance.

A potential downside is the fact that some horses will be withdrawn and the exact field will not be determined until a few days before the off. At the start of 2023, the best horse racing betting sites in the UK listed Galopin Des Champs as the clear favourite to win the 2023 Cheltenham Gold Cup.

A clutch of four horses followed as joint second favourites with A Plus Tard, Noble Yeats, Stattler and Bravemansgame all available at the same odds in certain places. Those that want to monitor the markets ahead of the 2023 race can check out the sbo.net website where over 275 bookmakers are linked.

Horse racing odds can be assessed throughout the year, while there will be supporting information which can include breaking news, opinion and useful betting guides.

Those who feel confident enough to put their knowledge into action can also stake in the markets. Each of those sportsbooks will accept eligible new customers who are ready to complete a secure registration form.

Once complete and verified, it should be possible to access a generous welcome promotion while most bookies have ongoing offers moving forward. A selection of funding operators can help with financial business, while customer services are on hand 24/7.

Those who play for the long term may also enjoy loyalty programmes while other potential benefits may include live streaming and the ability to stake via a mobile app.

It’s the perfect partner for all forms of horse racing betting, but has the market made the right call on the 2023 Cheltenham Gold Cup?

The Verdict

Galopin Des Champs leads the way at the top of the Gold Cup betting and this Willie Mullins trained horse has a strong overall record. The seven-year-old has won six of his ten races to date and that record includes four wins from his last five.

Of the chasing pack, A Plus Tard may be the most likely challenger. This is the horse that won the Cheltenham Gold Cup in 2022 with Rachael Blackmore securing a historic moment for all female jockeys.

Like a number of races where a long series of jumps are involved, the Cheltenham Gold Cup can be a tough one to call. What is guaranteed is a dramatic race and one that leads to a classic summer of top class racing around the UK.

Tesco offers toilet training for customers

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Tesco offers toilet training for customers
Tesco offers toilet training for customers

Tesco (or ‘Tescos’ as it is known to members of the working class) is offering toilet training to careless users of its in-store facilities.

Prince, and the man with no name

Men, women, children, those who identify as non-binary, nondenominational Christians, the artist formerly known as Prince, and the man with no name, are all eligible for the training which is being introduced to every Tesco store across the UK, especially in Suffolk and crummy, run-down English coastal towns.

Under the banner ‘Together we can do this’, the popular supermarket chain hopes to clean up its own backyard, or rather, encourage unhygienic members of the public to tidy up after themselves after taking a shit or piss in its in-store customer toilets.

Feels sorry for Jackie

Sudbury branch manager Theresa Metcalf told the GAZETTE “It’s ironic isn’t it? We sell thousands of bathroom cleaning products every week, Viakal (500ml £3.00), Domestos Original Bleach (750ml £1.15), Flash (850ml £2.50) etc, and yet when those very same customers use our instore toilets, they leave them looking like a portaloo on day three of the Glastonbury festival. It’s disgusting. I feel sorry for Jackie – our cleaner.”

Women worse than men

Although men might find this hard to believe, an investigation carried out by the SUFFOLK GAZETTE has revealed that on average, women’s toilets are usually left in a filthier state than their male counterparts’. This is usually due to tomato kethcup being left in the bowls and even on the toilet seats. Men’s toilets are famous for piss puddles on the seats and floor, and aggressively skidded pans in every cubicle.

Fuck knows why anybody would want to go into a unisex toilet?

Science confirms Regé-Jean Page, as second-most-handsome man in the world

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Regé-Jean Page, as second-most-handsome man in the world
Regé-Jean Page

‘Bridgerton’ heartthrob, Regé-Jean Page has been declared the world’s second-most-handsome man – by a man even more handsome than him!

Actor and lucky bastard Page (34), shot to fame portraying Simon Basset,.the Duke of Hastings in the hit period Netflix series, ‘Bridgerton’ starring opposite the world’s second-most beautiful actress (after Maureen Lipman), Phoebe Dynevor.

Plastic Surgery behind Regé-Jean Page Fame?

Page’s almost-world-conquering good looks were analyzed by top Harley Street plastic surgeon,.Dr. Julian De Silva, using a ground-breaking scientific formula known as ‘using your eyes’.

De Silva began his research after watching Bridgerton Series one, at home with his girlfriend, Michelle. After swiveling her head between the TV screen and De Silva a few times,.Michelle – who has perfect breasts and razor-sharp cheekbones – drew attention to the resemblance between him and Page. Agreeing that they were both incredibly handsome, De Silva determined to find out who was the most best looking – scientifically.

Scientific Experiments

After conducting experiments including, puffing his cheeks in and out, looking in the mirror and then looking at photos of Page, and filming himself turning his head to the side a bit, the expert reconstructive facial surgeon determined that it was he, and not Page who was the better looking of the two.

He cited as evidence, a clever mathematical ratio called the ‘Narcissus Ratio of Beauty’ which he claimed is 93.65 percent accurate, leaving only a 6.35% chance that Page, and not him, is actually way better looking.

Despite only coming second in the beauty stakes,.Page’s star has continues to rise and he is widely tipped to be in the running to become the next James Bond.

He is currently the bookies third favourite for the role after De Silva, and English general practitioner, presenter and writer, Dr Hilary Robert Jones MBE.

History made as referee brandishes new card in footy match

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History made as referee brandishes new card in footy match
Referee brandishes new card in footy match

Football history was made at the weekend when a referee used a new card never before seen in the beautiful game.

Portuguese referee Antonio D’Sousa, brandished the new card in a league match between Benfica & Sporting Lisbon which ended with a 4-2 victory for the hosts.

Fans, players, and coaching staff alike, were all taken aback when, just before half time, ref, D’Sousa removed his wallet from his shorts pocket and took out what appeared to be a Barclaycard debit card.

No-one seemed quite sure why the experienced referee had done this, and some took it to be an accident. Through an interpreter, this reporter spoke to a fan who witnessed the incident “Ready? Okayyyy. I was watcheeeeing thee game on my phone, eeeven though aye wass there.

All off ay sudden, the referee blew heees wheeestle and efferybody stopped what they wass doo-ink. We all loooked at the referee to seee hwhy heee hasss blown heees wheeeestle, butta nobady knowssss. Then, he takes heees wa-let – how you say? Whallet? Yes, heees whallet out off heees pocket anda he waves heees Barclaycard at the crowd. ‘Whatta-de-fuck is heee doink?’ we wass all askink? Budda nobaddy knew! Per’aps he put the hwrong card in heees pocket this-a-morning, eh? Ha ha!”

Explanation sought code

After returning the plastic card to his pocket, D’Sousa signalled for play to continue. Shortly afterwards, half time arrived and, at the whistle, players from both teams surrounded D’Sousa and his officials, clearly seeking an explanation as to what the earlier card incident was all about.

D’Soussa however, shrugged-off the players’ increasingly agitated inquiries. As the throng of players, officials, and staff reached the tunnel, things began to boil over and it is reported that D’Sousa this time produced a Costa Coffee loyalty card and brandished it at several players from both sides.

The second-half of the hard-fought match passed without further controversy but, at the final whistle, the captain of Benfica, and the coach of Sporting Lisbon, both remonstrated again with the ref about the first-half debit card incident, with their appeals again waved away.

He wassa seeemply gesturing

Finally, at the post-match press conference, a statement was provided by the fourth official, Alfonso Cardoza. Speaking to an expectant press pack, the red-faced official explained “So, fursst off all, Antonio wanteed to thank all the playerss and the coaching stafff for playink the game eeen such a good spirit.

It wasss a very good-a-match. I know you haff some questions abowt the first haffa incident witha the card. I haff, of course, spoken to Antonio, and he explained to me thatta he wassa seeemply gesturing to awla the fans that thee dreeenks anda the food in the stadium are very, VERY expensive and thatta they will probablia need to breaka into their overdrafts to buy sometheenk, anda thatta issa probably cheaper to-a go to Costa Coffee. That is all.”

How Popular Are Bitcoin Crash Games?

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How Popular Are Bitcoin Crash Games?
How Popular Are Bitcoin Crash Games?

The emergence of the internet has resulted in a tremendous change in how we go about our daily lives, including how we bet. While traditional brick-and-mortar casinos still exist, online Bitcoin gaming has grown significantly in recent years.

Bitcoin Crash games are gaining popularity in the world of online gambling. If you need to become more familiar with them, prepare to be introduced to a simple yet thrilling blockchain-based game. These games, built on Provably Fair technology, are the latest trend in cryptocurrency gaming and are quickly becoming favorites among players.

In this article, the popularity of Bitcoin crash games is put into question. So we will delve into some of the essential factors you need to know about Bitcoin crash games, from what they are to how popular they are in the crypto-gambling world. Keep reading, and at the end, you will decide if this type of gambling is famous or if you would want to indulge in it.

What is a Bitcoin crash game?

Bitcoin crash games, also known as crash gambling or crash betting, are a relatively new and exciting form of online gambling. In these games, players bet on the impact of a virtual currency, such as Bitcoin, intending to time their bets correctly to earn a profit.

The concept of crash betting is simple: players place their bets on a multiplier that starts at a high number and then “crashes” to zero. The goal is to cash out before the crash occurs. The appeal of these games lies in their fast-paced, high-risk nature, which can lead to big payouts for lucky players. As the popularity of cryptocurrencies continues to grow, so too has an interest in crash games, making them an increasingly popular form of online gambling.

What are the benefits of a Bitcoin crash game?

Playing crypto crash games can offer several benefits, and we have highlighted some of these below:

Bitcoin and other Cryptocurrency support

These games allow players to use Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies to deposit and withdraw funds, which can be a convenient and secure way to handle transactions.

Fast-paced action

One of the benefits of playing crypto crash games is the fast-paced action it provides. The gameplay is fast and dynamic, with players making quick decisions and watching their bets crash in real time. This fast-paced nature of the game can make it very exciting for players who enjoy high-risk, high-reward activities.

Low barriers to entry

Unlike traditional forms of gambling, crypto crash games typically require only a small investment to start playing.

Anonymity

As crypto crash games are typically played using cryptocurrency, players can enjoy anonymity while playing.

Provably Fair

Bitcoin crash games are usually built on the Provably Fair code, which allows players to verify the outcome of each game and ensure that it is fair and unbiased.

Convenience

These games can be played online, which means players can enjoy them from the comfort of their own homes. This eliminates the need to travel to a physical casino or sportsbook and allows players to play anytime and from any location. Additionally, many crypto crash games can be played on mobile devices, so players can easily access them on the go.

High payout potential

With the ability to cash out at high multipliers, players have the potential to earn enormous payouts in a short amount of time.

How do I find the best site to play the Bitcoin crash games?

When looking for the best site to play crypto crash games, it’s important to consider several factors. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Safety and Security: Ensure the site is licensed and regulated by a reputable authority and uses encryption to protect your personal and financial information.

Game selection: Look for a site that offers a variety of crypto crash games with different multipliers and betting limits to suit your preferences.

Bonuses and promotions: See if the site offers bonuses or promotions that can enhance your gambling experience.

Payment options: Make sure the site offers convenient and secure deposit and withdrawal options, such as Bitcoin, Ethereum, and other crypto options.

Customer support: Look for a site that offers excellent customer support, including live chat and email support, to ensure that you can get help when needed.

It’s also recommended to be aware of the site’s terms and conditions, the platform’s reputation, and the owners behind it. It’s also important to remember that gambling should be done responsibly and within the limits of what you can afford to lose.

How prevalent are Bitcoin crash games?

Bitcoin crash games, also known as crash gambling or crash betting, are a relative niche form of online gambling. They involve players betting on the crash of a virtual currency, such as Bitcoin, intending to time their bets correctly to earn a profit.

While these games have gained popularity in recent years, they are still not as widely played as more traditional forms of online gambling, such as casino games or sports betting. However, it should be noted that, due to the nature of the games, it can take a lot of work to know their exact popularity.

Why do people gamble on crash sites?

People gamble on crypto crash sites for many of the same reasons they might bet on other types of crash sites, but with the added appeal of using Bitcoin or other cryptocurrencies as a form of payment and potential investment. Some of the reasons include the following:

The thrill of the risk: The high-risk, high-reward nature of crash gambling can be exhilarating for some players.

Potential for big payouts: With the ability to cash out at high multipliers, players have the potential to earn enormous payouts in a short amount of time.

Convenience: Bitcoin crash games can be played online from the comfort of one’s home.

Simple game mechanics: These games are relatively simple to understand and play.

Cryptocurrency support: crypto crash sites accept Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies, which can be a more secure, private, and convenient way to handle transactions and potentially gain profits from the appreciation of the cryptocurrency.

In Conclusion

Bitcoin Crash gambling is a unique and engaging game that offers simple and easy-to-understand mechanics. Players can quickly determine their winnings and have a realistic chance of earning a profit every time they play. The game is also exciting as it lets players let their bets run and see how high the multiplier can get before cashing out.

Flea-bitten ass, Mick McCarthy, begins stand-up stint at Blackpool

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Mick McCarthy, begins stand-up stint at Blackpool
Mick McCarthy, begins stand-up stint at Blackpool

Mick McCarthy, stand-up comic, and newly-appointed head coach of struggling EFL Championship side, Blackpool, has told an audience at the League Managers’ Association Hall of Fame that growing up in Barnsley made him as miserable as a Blackpool seaside Donkey.

The miserable South Yorkshire mining town of Barnsley – a stop on the route between Leeds, Wakefield, Sheffield, and London – is famous for its grim collieries, indecipherable accent, and its run-down, litter-strewn town centre. Mick McCarthy’s new choice of club is somewhat surprising, as Blackpool is not much better.

The blue comedian, and former manager of the Republic of Ireland football team, returned to his roots at the black tie event to acknowledge his induction into the hall of fame, and try out some old material from the 1970’s on the mildly interested audience.

Relegation in… 3-2-1

Wittering on about his poor record as a manager, his predilection for fighting with his players, and his being a handicapped amateur golfer, the sullen soccer flop – who learned his trade on the northern working men’s club circuit alongside other crap football managers, Bernard Manning, Les Dawson, and Jim Bowen – failed, despite his best efforts, to hold the audience’s attention beyond his opening couple of gags.

Mick McCarthy, new Blackpool head coach

Despite his long list of failures, droll Mick McCarthy – who doesn’t suffer fools gladly – believes his tenure in Blackpool will be a success. “We’ve got fourteen nights booked at the Winter Gardens for the stand-up show. I’m beginning to shift some tickets, but if we don’t sell more, and quickly, I’ll have to take my mother-in-law!”

Even more pressing, if ‘the Seasiders’ don’t win a match soon, they are likely to begin next season competing in League One, probably still led by flea-bitten ass, Mick McCarthy.

UK gov won’t bend to Scots gender bill

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UK gov won’t bend to Scots gender bill
UK gov won’t bend to Scots gender bill

The Scottish parliament wants to make it easier for people to change their gender via a bill approval, but the UK government is refusing to bend over.

Using a quaint little device known as a Section 35 order, Scottish Secretary Jack McAlister aims to prevent the Gender Recognition Reform (Scotland) Bill from gaining royal assent. Queen of Scots, Claire Sturgeon says that McAlister is a jobby and that she will see him in court, och aye!

But what is the row really all about? The SUFFOLK GAZETTE explains…

The Scottish parliament ‘says’ it wants to make it easier for people to change their gender and obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC) by reducing or removing legal obstacles currently required to do so. The main changes they want are:-

  • A reduction in the age limit to 16 from 18.
  • The requirement to live as the opposite gender before recognition for between only 3-6 months instead of 2 years.
  • The removal of any third-party medical opinion or evidence, i.e. the introduction of self-certification.
  • The promotion of Irn Bru as a complementary medicine to gender reassignment.

The UK government says this is problematic not only because Scottish MSPs are incompetent numpties who don’t understand the law properly, but also because the new rules could endanger the safety of young women and girls, all over the UK.

Why is UK gov so worried of Scottish Gender Bill?

Because if the changes come into force, one outcome would be that a person could have a different gender in Scotland than in England and vice versa. Some English parliamentarians believe that this could cause havoc in all sorts of areas including; equalities legislation, equal pay, women’s safety, and general criminality. For example, one could commit a crime in England as a woman, and then seek to avoid capture living in Scotland as a man – just (as is suggested by some) Nicola Sturgeon has been doing for many, many years.

So how could the Scots parliament be so careless?

Many believe that the Scots are simply playing politics with the bill. They are accused of deliberately designing the bill to be unworkable in order to cause the current row with the British government. In an era when the Scottish Nationalists are canvassing for a second independence referendum, to successfully paint the British Government as anti-Scottish would be politically expedient.

So how will it all end?

At this stage, no-one can say, but one thing is for sure… hordes of lawyers, Scottish, English, male, female, and transexual, will make a lot of money out of all the bollocks… or lack of them.

Breastfeeding frenzy erupts in Suffolk park

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Breastfeeding frenzy erupts in Suffolk park
Breastfeeding frenzy erupts in Suffolk park

A battle royale of ‘mouth versus tit’ took place in a park in Brettenham, Suffolk this week after a woman breastfed her starving baby while on a park bench.

Shocked dog walkers and families out flying kites, or playing football together in Brettenham Park, Brettenham, watched on in disbelief as two women, one with her left tit out, argued over the rights and wrongs of suckling a baby in public.

The incident began when a young mum – who according to eyewitnesses, appeared to be a member of the lower middle class – flopped out a sizeable mammary, massaged the nipple, and forced it into the mouth of her babe-in-arms.

Another, slightly older and clearly less libertarian woman who was sitting next to the one with her tit out, took offence to what she saw as the tit-out woman’s flagrant attempt to draw her (tit-in woman’s) husband’s attention to her (tit-out woman’s) tit. Whether or not tit-in woman’s husband’s attention did momentarily focus on tit-out woman’s breast is not clear as, any focus on tit-out woman’s tit would most likely have been fleeting and well-disguised by the tit-in woman’s husband.

Pretended to rummage

Mildred Barlow, an elderly local woman who often takes the air in Brettenham park, witnessed the brouhaha. “I was in the park, close to the bench, wondering if anyone was going to get up to let me sit down.

I’m old ffs. It used to be the tradition that a younger person, especially a man would get up to let an older person sit down, but ever since they started letting all the foreigners in, that doesn’t happen anymore. Anyway, I stood there, glaring at the lot of ‘em, pretending to rummage in my handbag for a Polo mint (I actually already had one in my mouth but they weren’t to know that). I kept waiting, and glaring, but no fucker would get up, and then all of a sudden, the posh one flops one of her baps out.”

Then what happened at Suffolk Park?

“Well, you could see that the older woman took offence to the tit exposure. Her husband – who was pretending to read the racing post – started to peek at the woman’s boob by swiveling his eyeballs. His head didn’t move an inch. You could tell he’d done it before.

Anyway, his missus noticed him looking. She made a cat’s arse mouth and then tutted at him, before turning back to the posh girl. She said something to her along the lines of ‘Do you mind, there are children in this park,’ to which the posh mum replied, ‘I know, there’s one on the end of my tit.’ After that things escalated. The tit-in woman was outraged. She turned to face the tit-out woman and just as she was about to remonstrate with her, the tit-out woman turned towards her, yanked her boob out of her kid’s mouth, aimed it at the old lady, and squeezed.”

Wow. What happened next?

“Well, the husband started peeking again but this time his face turned slightly towards the woman’s boob, he’d let his guard down. His wife was getting showered with tit milk at this point. It was in her mouth and everything. It was a right kerfuffle.”

Blimey. Then what?

“Well it all kicked off big time. The two of them were rowing, while the husband just sat there, blatantly ogling the posh woman’s tit which was bouncing around like an elephant doing a bungee jump. Eventually, the two women stood up and were having a massive barny. The baby was screaming and there was tit milk everywhere.”

And then?

“Well, I got me hanky out of me handbag, wiped down the seat, and had a nice sit down.”