Lowestoft Yoga school stretches value for money to the limit
LOWESTOFT, SUFFOLK – A new yoga school has opened in the unlikeliest of places: a lock-up garage in the gritty streets of Lowestoft, Suffolk. Welcome to “Lower Yoga,” where the downward dog isn’t just a pose, it’s a way of life.
Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
Nestled in the battered lock-up of Joanne Craddock, 36, a well-known local cleptomaniac. Lies a haven for those seeking inner peace amidst the chaos of everyday life. But don’t expect the serene ambience of a traditional yoga studio here. Lower Yoga embraces the grit and grime of ‘working-class’ wellness.
Guru some
Those daring to step into the ‘reception area’ of Lower Yoga are greeted by the sight of a battered old faux leather sofa with its springs poking through the worn upholstery. The lighting is provided by a solitary flickering fluorescent strip light, dangling precariously from the ceiling.
The floor, devoid of soft yoga mats and bolsters, is adorned instead with punctured lilos. Perfect for backbreaking sun salutations – and house bricks in place of the plush, cushioned variety usually found in more exclusive yoga retreats.
But it’s the soundtrack that truly sets Lower Yoga apart. Instead of the soothing strains of meditative music, members are serenaded by the cheerful melodies of nursery rhymes. Emanating from a wind-up vintage Fisher-Price record player ‘liberated’ from a local charity shop.
Om my God
Asked about her business strategy, Craddock proudly displayed her masterstroke: a homemade poster currently adorning local lamp posts. “Want to start yoga?” it reads, in DIY font. “Start by bending over and picking up your dog shit – known as the downward dog position – and then put it in a bin.”
It’s a bold move, to say the least, but Craddock is confident in her approach. “You get what you pay for here,” she declares, a glint of defiance in her eye. “None of that fancy stuff, just stretch and bend. £20 for half an hour, and you get a free bag of Wotsits on the way out.”
In a world of high-priced memberships and exclusive studios, Lower Yoga offers a refreshing reminder that money alone can’t buy inner peace.
From 2023 Success to 2024 Strategy: What’s Next for Boku Inc?
Boku Inc is a payment solution that has been disrupting the Fintech sphere in a number of ways since they emerged as an option on the market in 2009.
The company has helped to revolutionize the way that payments are being made for various industries, as customers are now being provided with new methods in which they can make a transaction. The Boku network utilises localized payment solutions, including Direct Carrier Billing (DCB), digital wallets, and Account-to-Account (A2A) connections.
A host of global companies have become key customers of the firm, with the likes of Amazon, Google, and many entertainment companies having all made the payment option available for their customers. It is also available across various other industries, with the iGaming sector having also been a key adopter of the payment solution.
It is now possible to find some of the best mobile casinos accepting Boku as a payment solution. Players in the UK can access their favorite games and play them immediately by adding funds and then paying for them via their phone bill.
Indeed, Boku payments have become extremely popular across the UK with gamblers, as the method offers an enhanced level of security that others simply can’t provide. Transactions made via this method do not require individuals to provide banking details nor any other sensitive data that may be potentially compromised if certain security precautions are not followed properly, especially as cybersecurity concerns continue to rise.
As a result, it’s easy to see why this solution is currently on the rise in 2024 and why there has been a lot of success recorded over the last 12 months.
Boku’s 2023 success in numbers
To put into context the amount of success that Boku had in 2023, it is worth taking a look at some of the important numbers that have been published.
Per a news report from Market Screener, Boku had managed to expand its network to over 300 Local Payment Methods (LPMs) – a method of payment that represents two-thirds of all global online payments in today’s financial world – across a total of 60 customers. The LPM market is huge, as it has managed to grow from being worth around just one-quarter of all online payments in 2010.
In addition to the rapid expansion that was experienced in the first six months of the year, the payment company had also managed to accelerate its growth in terms of customer numbers and adoption of their services. More than 32 million new customers had made their first purchase last year, on a network that has the potential to reach over 7.5 billion consumer payment accounts in over 90 different countries.
Economically, those figures also translated very positively for the company in 2023. They announced at the beginning of 2024 that once the earnings had been adjusted, they were ahead of where their market expectations were for the period. They saw revenue jump an incredible 30%, going from a total of $63.8 million in 2022 to $82.7 million in 2023. They also saw an increase in users over the same period, going from 52.3 million to 67.4 million; a growth of 29%.
The adjusted earnings before EBITDA (earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation, and amortization) had grown by 33% as they were up from $20.5 million to $27.3 million, with continued investment going into their product and service despite being far ahead of current market expectations. Total group cash also improved significantly over the last year, going from $116.3 million to $151.2 million.
What does 2024 hold for Boku?
Given the success that Boku has managed to have over the last year, there is certainly a lot of excitement about where the company could go and what it could experience in 2024.
As investment in the products and services being offered continues to be offered regarding Boku’s mobile-first payment network, it would not be a surprise if we were to see the payment solution become even bigger in the UK over the course of the year.
Additionally, we might be able to expect some new changes and new direction this year following the hiring of Stuart Neal as the new Chief Executive Officer (CEO). He replaces the former CEO, Jon Prideaux, who had announced six months prior that he would be retiring.
He has already announced he intends to build on the success that has been achieved in terms of their commerciality, as well as drive innovation to help improve the world of payments.
Neal will bring more than two decades of payments, leadership, and innovation experience to the company, while he is also arguably best positioned to take the organization into its next phase. He knows the business inside out, having served two terms as the company’s Chief Financial Officer before spending time elsewhere with other global companies, including Barclaycard, GlaxoSmithKline, and Virgin Media.
The Biggest Headaches Facing Essex Parents Right Now
Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and, occasionally, a few headaches. For parents in Essex, as in many parts of the UK, recent times have brought specific challenges to the forefront, affecting family life and the well-being of both parents and children. From navigating the cost of living to ensuring children receive a quality education amidst ongoing changes, addressing these issues requires awareness, resources, and sometimes, creative problem-solving.
Navigating Educational Uncertainty
The educational landscape has undergone significant shifts, leaving many parents concerned about the quality and consistency of their children’s schooling. With changes to exam formats, classroom structures, and curriculum delivery, ensuring children remain engaged and supported has become a primary concern for Essex parents.
Stay Informed and Engaged: Regular communication with your child’s school is essential. Attend parent-teacher meetings, subscribe to school newsletters, and follow any school community platform to stay up-to-date with the latest information and resources.
Support Learning at Home: Create a conducive learning environment at home where possible. This includes having a quiet study space, access to necessary materials, and a routine that balances academic activities with leisure and family time.
Explore Additional Resources: Consider supplemental educational resources or tutoring if your child needs extra support. Many online platforms offer learning materials aligned with the UK curriculum across various subjects and key stages.
The Cost Of Living Crisis
The rising cost of living is a significant concern for families across Essex. From grocery bills to energy costs, parents are finding their budgets stretched thinner than ever. Managing these financial pressures while trying to provide for a family can be incredibly stressful.
Budgeting and Financial Planning: Develop a detailed family budget to track income and expenditures. Identify areas where you can cut back on non-essential spending and prioritise funds towards necessities.
Seek Financial Assistance: Be aware of and apply for any financial assistance you may be eligible for, such as child benefit, Universal Credit, or support towards energy bills. Local councils and charities may also offer grants or aid for families in financial hardship.
Energy Efficiency: Reducing energy consumption can help manage utility bills. Simple measures like ensuring your home is well-insulated, using energy-efficient appliances, and being mindful of your energy usage can make a difference.
The Cost Of Driving
For many families in Essex, driving is an essential part of daily life, whether it’s commuting to work, taking children to school, or running errands. However, the cost of driving – from fuel prices to car maintenance – has become a growing headache for parents trying to balance their household budgets.
Economical Vehicle Choices: Consider the fuel efficiency of your vehicle and explore options for more economical models if a change is feasible. Electric and hybrid cars, while having a higher upfront cost, can offer savings in the long run through lower running costs and tax benefits.
Smart Travel Planning: Consolidate trips and errands to save on fuel. Carpooling for school runs or work commutes can also reduce individual driving costs and benefit the environment. You could also think about hiring a car if you want flexibility. Wheelchair-accessible vehicle hire is also possible for parents of families with mobility needs. Look for mobility cars for hire from a provider that you can trust with excellent reviews.
Regular Maintenance: Keeping your vehicle in good condition can prevent costly repairs down the line. Regular checks and servicing can improve fuel efficiency and prolong the life of your car.
Access To Healthcare Services
The accessibility and availability of healthcare services have become increasingly concerning for parents, especially when it comes to securing timely appointments for their children. From routine vaccinations to specialist consultations, ensuring your child receives the necessary care without undue delay is paramount.
Leverage Digital Services: Many GP practices and healthcare providers offer online consultation services. Using these can sometimes offer a quicker route to advice or treatment for non-emergency concerns.
Know Your Options: Familiarise yourself with the healthcare services available in your area, including walk-in centres, urgent care clinics, and how to access out-of-hours services. Understanding what each service offers can help you make informed decisions in times of need.
Advocate for Your Child: Don’t hesitate to follow up on referrals or appointments. If you’re concerned about your child’s health or the wait times for services, be persistent in seeking the care they need.
Balancing Work And Family Life
The juggle of work commitments with family life is a perennial challenge, but recent shifts in the work environment, including the increase in remote working, have added new dimensions to this balancing act. Finding a harmonious balance is crucial for the well-being of the entire family.
Flexible Working Arrangements: Explore the possibility of flexible working hours or remote work opportunities with your employer. Many organisations are now more open to flexible arrangements that can help parents manage their time more effectively.
Time Management: Effective time management, including setting clear boundaries between work and family time, can help mitigate stress. Prioritise activities and responsibilities, and don’t be afraid to delegate tasks when possible.
Quality Family Time: Ensure you carve out dedicated time to spend with your family, free from the distractions of work. These moments are vital for maintaining strong family bonds and supporting each other through challenging times.
Mental Health Support
The mental health of both children and parents has come under the spotlight, accentuated by the pressures of modern life and recent global events. Ensuring there is adequate support and open conversations about mental health is essential.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe space at home where feelings and worries can be openly discussed. Encouraging children to express their emotions and concerns can help identify issues early.
Seek Professional Help: If you or your child are struggling, don’t hesitate to seek support from mental health professionals. Early intervention can be key to managing mental health conditions effectively.
Self-Care Practices: Incorporate self-care and mindfulness practices into your family routine. Activities like meditation, exercise, or simply enjoying nature can improve mental well-being and resilience.
Navigating Online Safety And Screen Time
In an increasingly digital world, parents are often concerned about their children’s online safety and the impact of screen time on their development and well-being. Balancing the educational and recreational use of digital devices while ensuring children are protected from online risks is a growing headache for many.
Set Clear Guidelines: Establish rules around the use and duration of screen time, tailored to your child’s age and needs. Encourage activities that don’t involve screens to promote a balanced lifestyle.
Use Parental Controls: Take advantage of parental control tools and settings on devices and online platforms to monitor and restrict access to inappropriate content, ensuring your child’s online interactions are safe.
Educate About Online Safety: Have open discussions with your children about the importance of online safety, including the risks of sharing personal information and how to recognise and handle inappropriate content or online bullying.
Enhancing Outdoor And Physical Activities
With the allure of digital entertainment, encouraging children to engage in outdoor and physical activities has become more challenging. Yet, these activities are essential for physical health, mental well-being, and fostering a connection with nature.
Plan Regular Outdoor Activities: Schedule time for outdoor activities as a family, such as walks, bike rides, or visits to local parks and nature reserves. Essex offers a variety of outdoor spaces perfect for exploration and adventure.
Join Local Clubs or Teams: Encourage your children to join local sports teams, clubs, or activity groups. This not only promotes physical activity but also helps them develop social skills and make new friends.
Lead by Example: Be a role model by actively participating in physical activities yourself. Your enthusiasm for being active and spending time outdoors can inspire your children to follow suit.
Sniff my sausage: Greggs launches own-brand aftershave
Greggs Bakery, renowned for its delectable sausage rolls, has entered the smellies market with its branded fragrance for men: “Eau De Sausage.”
Consumer Correspondent: Colin Allcabs
The scent, which promises to capture the essence of Greggs’ iconic pastries. It has been set to take the world of perfumery by storm.
With its unmistakable aroma of delicious, freshly baked sausage rolls,. “Eau De Sausage” aims to appeal to fans of the popular bakery chain. Those who want to be permanently surrounded by the aroma of their favourite savoury treat.
Nation-wide stock availability
The new Eau De Sausage is available in selected retailers such as Harrods and Selfridges. As well as Greggs stores nationwide. “Eau De Sausage” is poised to challenge established celebrity-branded fragrances.
With names like Intimately Beckham and Cé Noir facing a stiff challenge from the allure of the pork-ponged perfume. Greggs is confident that its aromatic creation will sniff at the competition.
Atchoo!
The recipe for “Eau De Sausage” is shrouded in secrecy, with Greggs keeping the fragrance formula closely guarded. Much like the closely protected recipe for its beloved sausage rolls. Speculation abounds that white pepper is the key ingredient that contributes to the fragrance’s irresistible allure. Greggs remains tight-lipped on the matter.
Critics
Contemptuous Industry experts have expressed scepticism at Greggs’ foray into the world of posh fragrance. The appeal of a scent that evokes images of sweaty, working-class builders, scoffing savoury pastries rather than floral bouquets or exotic spices.
Others believe that the bold move could pay off, tapping into consumers’ fanatical appreciation of the iconic bakery chain.
FRAMLINGHAM, SUFFOLK – Infamous Suffolk farmer Graeme Diggard, renowned for his eccentric agricultural experiments, has once again captured headlines by accidentally breeding a pint-sized cow.
Farming Correspondent (intern): Ivor Traktor
Suffolk farmer Diggard, a god in Suffolk farming circles, spent the past two decades diligently stretching his cattle to extraordinary lengths, resulting in a remarkable herd of 20-foot ‘long cows’ garnering admiration from locals and experts alike.
However, his latest foray into the world of bovine engineering has not unfolded as expected. Following a holiday to the Indian village of Vechoor, where he encountered the diminutive Vechur Cow, the smallest cattle breed in the world, Diggard sought to incorporate these petite creatures into his breeding program.
Suffolk man had sex with 450 tractors.
A Suffolk man with a bizarre sexual attraction to tractors has been banned from the countryside and forced to sign the sex offenders register.https://t.co/kylyMM05Ob
Despite his meticulous planning and ambition to create of a herd of cows valued for the larger amount of milk they produce relative to the amount of food they require – a peculiarity of the Vechur breed – the outcome has been less than satisfying. Instead of producing a herd of literal ‘milch cows’, Diggard’s efforts have yielded just one single tiny cow measuring a mere 11cm in height.
Pint half empty
In a candid admission of defeat, Diggard lamented, “Oi may have gaart moi calculations wrarng. You just caarn’t trust those solar-powered calculators in Suffolk. There simply ain’t enough sun in the day.” Admonishing himself with a loud slap of his forehead, he added: “I was aarfter more milk, naart smaller cows!”
As the Framlingham farming community digest their eccentric mentors’s milking mishap, one thing is for certain: Suffolk Farmer “Graeme Diggard” won’t cease in his pursuit of agricultural innovation, even if his latest venture has fallen short of expectations.
Suffolk Council ‘taking the p*ss’ with new ‘transgender’ toilets
PUBLIC TOILETS, LOWESTOFT – In a fresh attack on the cowed men of Britain, feminist extremists on Suffolk Council have unveiled new “transgender toilets” on the Lowestoft seafront. However, the provocative public lavatories are causing more discomfort than convenience, particularly for male users.
Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
He-Wee
The controversy surrounds large printed images of women displayed prominently above the urinals. Instead of the usual serene seaside scenes or motivational quotes found in traditional lavvies.
Men now find themselves confronted with images of attractive women seemingly mocking their manhood. With smirks on their faces, pointing fingers, and exaggerated laughter. These larger-than-life images of women create a rather uncomfortable atmosphere for those trying to relieve themselves.
Caravan owners prepare for another summer of shitting in a cupboard. https://t.co/ZkNRJmZBzC
“It’s like they’re taking the p*ss out of us,” remarked one flustered beachgoer. Struggling to maintain his composure while fumbling with his flies. “I don’t need an audience every time I need to go!”
Indeed, the presence of these intimidating images has led to some rather awkward moments. EWith men feeling as though their every move is being scrutinized by the photogenic onlookers.
For those already struggling with stage fright or “weak flow,” the pressure is only heightened by the relentless gaze of the virtual women above.
Pee-Wee
Suffolk Council has defended its decision, stating that the aim was to promote inclusivity and diversity in public spaces. However, the backlash from users suggests that this particular approach may have missed the mark as widely as a wayward drunken slash.
Instead of fostering a welcoming environment for all. These facilities have become a source of embarrassment and discomfort for male users, especially those with minute cocks.
More transgender toilets
As the peak-pissing summer season approaches and the crowds flock to Lowestoft Seafront, it remains to be seen whether the (probably) lesbian councillors will address the concerns raised by its embittered male beachgoers or whether the men will, well …loos.
Cardi B suffers ‘rap rip’ after Brazilian bum lift backfires
MANCHESTER, TENNESSEE – Cardi B, suffered a bum rap rip after a major wardrobe malfunction left her audience with a front-row view of her anus.
Entertainment Editor: Arthur Pint
The 26-year-old sensation, known for her electrifying performances. Twerked with such vigour at the Bonnaroo Arts and Music Festival that her jumpsuit ripped in time with the pounding riddim.
As Cardi B gyrated and grooved before the Tennessee crowd. Her multi-coloured jumpsuit could no longer withstand the power of her buttocks. Leading to a catastrophic zip split right on her back crack.
Spectators were treated to an unexpected close-up of her voluptuous arse as the garment gave up. Prompting a swift and discreet cover-up from the artist, who later donned a bathrobe to salvage her modesty.
Gown but not out
True to her professional nature, Cardi B refused to let the mishap derail her performance and soldiered on with her set. Taking to her Instagram account later, she shared snippets from the event. Including one clip where she sported a skimpy Gucci swimsuit and white knee-high boots, exuding confidence despite the wardrobe indiscretion.
Cardi B’s Rip performance
Continuing Cardi B rip-roaring performance, Cardi’s professionalism and resilience shone through as she entertained her fans. This time, with just the odd tit hanging out of her gown.
The incident follows a series of health challenges for the superstar rapper. Including complications from plastic surgery undertaken to enhance her appearance post-pregnancy. While doctors advised her to take a break and recuperate, Cardi’s determination to fulfil her commitments saw her disregarding medical advice to perform at earlier events.
With performances rescheduled and health concerns looming. Cardi B’s recent mishap serves as a cautionary reminder of the perils of artificially enhancing already sizeable tits and arses in pursuit of record sales.
Star Wars legend R2-D2 found in real-life trash compactor
FELIXSTOWE, SUFFOLK – In a galaxy not that far away, the fate of a beloved droid has taken a tragic turn as the legendary Star Wars R2-D2 has been discovered unceremoniously dumped in a scrap metal yard on the industrial wasteland of Felixstowe, Suffolk.
The once illustrious robot, known affectionately as Artoo-Detoo, has captured the hearts of generations with his beeping antics and unwavering loyalty to his companions – especially the camp protocol droid, C-3PO.
From aiding the Rebel Alliance in their fight against the Empire to embarking on daring adventures with Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Obi-Wan and Leia, R2-D2 has played a pivotal role in shaping the fate of the galaxy.
Rubble Alliance
However, his illustrious career has taken a sombre turn as he now lies abandoned amidst piles of rubble and discarded metal, his iconic blue and chrome livery stripped away and his ego as battered as his tarnished aluminium shell.
How R2-D2 ended up in such a sorry state remains a mystery. Some speculate that he may have crash-landed on Earth after ejecting from a damaged X-Wing fighter during a particularly harrowing space battle over England.
Fans of the beloved droid have been left in shock and dismay at the sight of their cherished hero reduced to scrap. Calls for justice and inquiries into his mistreatment have echoed across the galaxy, with many questioning how such an iconic symbol of hope could be left for dead in rusty obscurity.
Star Wars R2 D2 conspiracy
Another, darker theory suggests that C-3PO, always slightly dismissive of his more streetwise sidekick, Artoo, may have had a hand in his demise having once admonished him on camera with the words: “You’ll be malfunctioning within a day, you nearsighted scrap pile. And don’t let me catch you following me, begging for help, because you won’t get it.”
