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Queen bans selfie sticks

The Editor
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By Jane Seymour, Royal Editor

The Queen has banned selfie sticks from all her palaces – because they upset her beloved Corgies.

Royal staff noticed the dogs thought they were sticks to be thrown so they could chase and retrieve them.

But the pampered pooches then became sad when all people did was use them to take pictures of themselves.

The problem became acute outside Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle, where thousands of visitors were using selfie sticks each day.

And the news will come as further blow to selfie-stick lovers, coming after a number of institutions like the National Gallery also imposed a ban.

A Buckingham Palace source told the Suffolk Gazette: “The Corgies were yapping constantly because they kept seeing people with sticks at the gates.

“They assumed the were to be thrown for them, so they could have a game. But the tourists simply attached cameras to the sticks and took pictures of themselves.

“The Queen was furious. She hates anything that might upset the precious Royal Corgies – so she has ordered a blanket selfie-stick ban.

“Anyone spotted using them outside the Palace will be asked politely to stop by soldiers on sentry duty.”

Worryingly, the source added: “If they still persist, Her Majesty has ordered staff to set the dogs on them.”

The Royal ban was criticised last night by Suffolk selfie-stick manufacturer IStickitupyou Ltd. Sales Director Yassir Ikanboogie said: “I think the Queen has been a little too quick off the mark here.

“Selfie sticks provide a perfect way for visitors to record moments to be treasured for ever with their cameras and iPhones.

“Now their last photos could be of themselves being chased by a pack of snarling Corgies.”

IStickitupyou, which is based in Framlingham and employs 2,600 people, has been making selfie sticks for 75 years, and now fears redundancies.

buckingham-palace-selfie

A tourist’s selfie at Buckingham Palace
But a spokesman for the Kennel Club was pleased with the Royal ban. “Dogs can easily get confused by selfie sticks. They always want to play, and so will become frustrated when no-one throws the stick for them.”

Rob Banks released

The Editor
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Rob Banks released

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

Suffolk Gazette Crime Editor Rob Banks will not be charged with bribing public officials, police confirmed today.

Mr Banks had been arrested for allegedly paying a police gardener for information that led to a string of huge exclusives about Suffolk Police’s Apache helictoper – including the fact that it accidentally blew up a vicarage.

He has been held in a cell for more than a week, but police, whose toilets are closed for repairs, say they have nothing to go on.

Banks, 34, from Cockfield, said he was delighted to be released, and was looking forward to getting back to work on the Suffolk Gazette.

“It’s been difficult for my family,” he said. “But the support of the Suffolk Gazette readers has been huge. I know for a fact that the Chief Constable is a keen reader, so that probably helped.”

But the Suffolk Gazette Editor is still to carry out an internal investigation after Banks admitted submitting some dodgy expense claims following his coffee and cakes with the police gardener.

The Editor said: “I will deal with Banks privately. But I will say I am delighted he has been released without charge. He is a fine reporter.”

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World’s first left-handed cricket bat

The Editor
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One of cricket’s major problems has been solved by a Suffolk business – which has developed the world’s first left-handed cricket bat.

Using technology loosely based on America’s left-handed baseball bats, the new product will allow left-handed batsmen to have proper equipment for the first time.

No longer will famous left handers like West Indian legend Brian Lara or England’s David Gower have to make do with right-handed bats, which means they have to use the back of the bat when they play.

Mr Joe King, chief executive of Stowmarket-based Iffy Products, explained: “We saw how they developed a baseball bat for left handers in the United States, and realised the same hush-hush technology could be used in cricket bats.

“We developed the bat over many years and have finally come up with the perfect solution.

“Some may say it looks exactly like a right-handed bat. But that is deliberate, so that left handers do not feel different to the right-handed majority.”

Mr King explained that the bats would come with a reasonable price tag of £899, or £1,500 for two. “It’s a brilliant deal, and one that could make England world beaters if they sign up as our exclusive endorser,” he said.

He added it was a shame former England captain David Gower had retired from cricket. “I am confident Gower would have been a keen fan of our left-handed bat,” Mr King said.

However, the product was called into question by Suffolk’s Trading Standards department.

A spokesman said: “These left-handed bats look remarkably like normal cricket bats. In fact, we struggle to find any difference, and as far as we know left-handed batsmen use normal bats like everyone else.”

England’s David Gower with The Ashes

Fury as woman receives private, non-sales phone call

The Editor
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Fury as woman receives private, non-sales phone call

By Colin Allcabs, Consumer Correspondent

There was widespread anger across Suffolk today when a woman revealed she had received a private phone call from a member of her family.

Tracy McDougal, from Halesworth, was sitting at home watching television at 8.30pm on Friday when her house telephone rang for the 17th time that evening.

But she was shocked to discover it was her sister, Beryl from Southampton, and not a sales call.

Like everyone else, Tracy, 35, is used to a reassuring constant stream of calls selling payment protection compensation, solar panels and personal injury claims, so getting a phone call from someone she actually knew was an upsetting jolt.

“How can this be allowed to happen?” wailed Tracy, who works in a bacon factory. “We all know phones are meant to be used only by persistent cold callers.

“I don’t know what Beryl was thinking of – it’s not as though she had anything interesting to say.”

Tracy McDougal chatting to a double glazing salesman
Tracy is now considering making a complaint to the OFCOM, the telecoms watchdog. “Let’s just say Beryl won’t be ringing me again. I had a call from a nice man from India selling stock investments, and he said he had tried earlier but my phone was engaged. It’s so annoying for him.

“It just goes to show what a nuisance private calls are.”

A spokesman for OFCOM said Suffolk residents worried about nuisance private phone calls should sign up with their free telephone preference service, which blocks calls from friends and family.

“It’s a free service and it can save you hours of frustration, 24/7.”

Mrs McDougal’s local MP, Suffolk Coastal’s Terese White-Coffey, said she would be writing to OFCOM to demand action.

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Our crime editor Rob Banks arrested

The Editor
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Our crime editor Rob Banks arrested

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime correspondent

Rob Banks, Suffolk Gazette’s esteemed Crime Editor, has been arrested by detectives investigating alleged corrupt payments to public officials.

Cops suspect Banks, 34, from Cockfield, near Sudbury, bought a Suffolk Police HQ gardener a cup of tea in order to gain information for a string of impressive scoops, including his recent exclusive story about the Suffolk Police Apache helicopter blowing up a vicarage.

Banks is the latest in a worrying list of journalists to be arrested for allegedly paying public officials, including a number of senior staff at The Sun newspaper.

His luxury house was raided at dawn yesterday while he slept inside with his two cats and someone else’s wife.

A police insider (whom Suffolk Gazette did not pay or bribe in any way to get this quote) said: “The top brass suspected for some time that Rob Banks was paying someone on the inside.

“His tremendous scoops about the force Apache helicopter were the last straw, and they decided to arrest Banks as part of Operation Elveden, which is being led by the Metropolitan Police to crack down on journalists and corrupt officials.”

Banks’ laywer, Sue Grabbit, from Sue Grabbit and Run solicitors said: “I can confirm our client Mr Banks was arrested at 5.30am yesterday. He is yet to be charged with any offence, and maintains his innocence.

“He claims specifically that the Suffolk Police gardener actually bought HIM the cup of tea, and therefore no offence was committed.

“However, he does admit taking a number of blank invoices from the cafe and using them to make false expense claims at the Suffolk Gazette, and that is a matter being dealt with privately by the paper’s Editor.”

Banks’ neighbours in sleepy Cockfield last night spoke of their shock at the arrest. One, Doris Morris, said: “We were woken up by a terrible commotion. I heard police sirens and screeching tyres, so shook my husband, Norris Morris, and told him to look out of the bedroom window.

“There were ten police cars and a police van, and he said he saw that nice Mr Banks being led out in handcuffs.

“I hope they let him out soon. He’s a very nice man.”

A Suffolk Police spokesman said: “We can not comment on this case.

“Unless you give us £100 in a brown envelope.”

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Giant Turnip Of The East sculpture approved

The Editor
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Giant Turnip Of The East sculpture approved

EXCLUSIVE, By Ivor Traktor, Farming Correspondent (intern)

A 100-metre-tall sculpture of a giant turnip is to be built alongside the A14 as a dramatic welcome to Suffolk visitors.

Following the success of the Angel Of The North, built in Gateshead in 1998, Suffolk tourist bosses wanted to create a similar contemporary sculpture that would be the envy of the rest of the country.

A competition was held throughout Suffolk to come up with ideas, and entries were narrowed down to the Turnip Of The East and a similar idea for a giant pea, backed by the We Need A Pea campaign.

A special reader vote in the Suffolk Gazette saw the Turnip Of The East being the runaway winner.

Work is due to begin next year, and famous turnip-loving artist Cedric Baldrick is expected to build it.

The exact site for the Turnip Of The East is still being discussed, but one favoured spot is beside the A14 near Newmarket, where the giant vegetable will be a stunning figure towering over the famous horseracing course.

a-turnipTurnip for the books: sculpture will be a world-class attraction
A tourism department insider said: “The Turnip Of The East will be a remarkable gateway to Suffolk. Motorists heading east along the A14 will be in awe of the giant sculpture as they arrive in the county past Newmarket.

“And it will be the last thing people see when they leave Suffolk, providing an everlasting, treasured memory of the county.”

A spokesman for Suffolk County Council said: “We are confident the Turnip Of The East will be even more popular than the Angel Of The North, and it will promote Suffolk as a rural delight to be savoured.

“The giant turnip will celebrate Suffolk’s agricultural heritage, and there is no doubt it will be the talk of the whole country.”

Plans for the turnip show it will be made of weather-resistant fibreglass, and will have an internal lift system, so visitors will be able to soar 100 metres into the air and stand on a viewing platform on top of the turnip.

The project is expected to cost £22 million, and will be paid for by an increase in grateful Suffolk residents’ council tax.

However, mobile phone manufacturers will be expected to contribute to the cost by paying to put their masts on top, disguised as green turnip leaves.

Norfolk six-fingered gloves make £100million profit

The Editor
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Norfolk six-fingered gloves make £100million profit

A Norfolk business which specialises in making six-fingered gloves has posted an astonishing £100 million profit.

Chairman of Keep It In The Family Ltd, Mr Ken Ary, said the firm had gone from strength to strength in recent years thanks to astonishing local demand.

“Everyone in Norwich and throughout the county of Norfolk needs six-fingered gloves, and we spotted the gap in the market. Demand has been so good that we are proud to post £100 million profit figures today.”

norfolk-glove-six-finger

The Norfolk six-fingered glove
But it was not all good news for the Keep It In The Family business. Mr Ary said its range of flip-flops footwear had to be withdrawn since locals with webbed feet could not wear them.

“It was a set-back, but thankfully the six-fingered glove sales have more than made up for it.”

To celebrate the bumper profits, Keep It In The Family is handing out thousands of pairs of the six-fingered gloves to Norwich City fans outside Carrow Road before this Sunday’s crucial derby with East Anglian rivals Ipswich Town.

Alex Neil
Alex Neil

The firm has even signed a deal with Norwich City manager Alex Neil to wear their gloves on the touchline.

A club insider said: “We are very pleased to have partnered with Keep It In The Family, and are grateful for the work they do for local Norwich fans.”

Meanwhile, Mr Ary said the firm was expanding its specialist clothing range.

“Should Norwich somehow manage to gain promotion back to the Premier League this year, then we have prepared by making some very big hats and oversized boots.

“Already the local supporters are showing signs of being too big for their boots – and their heads are getting bigger by the day.”

Queen sends 100th birthday telegram to a train

The Editor
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Queen sends 100th birthday telegram to a train

By Casey Jones, Railway Correspondent

The Queen has sent Greater Anglia railways a telegram to celebrate its InterCity fleet reaching a remarkable 100 years old.

The locos are the oldest in the industry, taking frustrated passengers from Norfolk, Suffolk and Essex into London everyday in sheer discomfort and filth.

But Her Majesty was clearly impressed by the landmark birthday, and sent the trains a telegram – just as she does to any loyal subject who makes it to the grand old age of 100.

The Queen inspects a Greater Anglia carriage
Greater Anglia were delighted with the 100-year-old milestone for its trains.

An insider said: “People may mock us for having the oldest and most decrepit train fleet in the history of the world, but the old girls are still going, despite some unfortunate mishaps along the way.

“Her Majesty The Queen was very kind to send out a telegram. It means a lot, and hopefully the trains will keep going for many years to come.”

Royal train

A Buckingham Palace spokesman told Suffolk Gazette: “The telegrams are normally sent to people who have made it to 100 years old. But Her Majesty was so impressed that Greater Anglia still have trains going at that age, that she felt she had to send a telegram to them as well.

“Greater Anglia’s InterCity fleet first came into use during the reign of Queen Victoria, and has not been changed since. How they are still going is anyone’s guess.”

He confirmed Greater Anglia was the only UK train company to receive the telegram honour.

“Everyone else uses modern trains,” he said.

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