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Formula One adds Ipswich Grand Prix

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Formula One adds Ipswich Grand Prix

WORLD EXCLUSIVE

Boy racers terrorising the streets of Ipswich have impressed Formula One bosses so much that they have now agreed to add an Ipswich Grand Prix to the F1 racing calendar.

F1 mastermind Bernie Ecclestone, who was born in Suffolk, was so taken aback with the speed of youths on the streets around Cardinal Park and the docks one-way system that he was inspired to bring his multi-billion-pound racing circus to Ipswich.

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His negotiators have been working in secret with Ipswich borough chiefs on a circuit layout that will take in Ipswich Waterfront, have a pit lane at KFC and the start/finish line outside Staples.

An F1 insider said: “The middle section of the lap will be a high-speed stretch through Neptune Quay – it will be just like racing in Monaco past the marina there.

“The circuit is an exciting one, just as street circuits always are, with many corners and narrow stretches. However, what we will see is plenty of overtaking opportunities on some of the straights.”

The section around Ipswich Marina will rival Monte Carlo

Bringing Formula One to Ipswich will be worth millions to the town’s economy, with hundreds of thousands coming to watch the spectacle, and millions tuning in from around the world to watch the race on television.

The deal will be announced after the British Grand Prix at Silverstone on July 5, but the Suffolk Gazette understands Silverstone will remain in the 2016 calendar alongside Ipswich.

The F1 insider added: “Silverstone will still be the British F1 Grand Prix, whereas Ipswich will be branded as the English F1 Grand Prix. We’re very excited to be bringing Grand Prix racing to Ipswich.”

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Ipswich police have been fighting a long battle against boy racers in the town, who zoom around Grafton Way and the other roads around the Cardinal Park retail complex.They also race around the docks one-way system including, Star Lane and College Street.

But all those roads will now feature in the F1 circuit, and police hope the town’s youngsters will be inspired by professional racers.

One policeman said: “Seeing the likes of Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso racing around the streets of Ipswich should be something special, and we hope it will be enough of an adrenaline rush for local teens. We believe they will stick to watching rather than copying.”

The arrival of F1 will mean much of Ipswich will be sealed off for five days on the week of the event, penciled in for September 2016. However, local townsfolk will be grateful for the cash boost – while all the roads will be resurfaced in advance of the spectacle.

“It’s a super way to get rid of all the pot holes for free,” said one local businessman.

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Survey reveals people are fed up with surveys

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Survey reveals people are fed up with surveys

By Colin Allcabs
Consumer Affairs Editor

A shock survey has revealed that people are totally fed up with reading pointless survey results.

The poll by Suffolk company Daft Research found consumers were irritated by surveys conducted by PR companies and then supplied to the media as genuine ‘news articles’.

survey results

Pointless polls

A huge majority of 87% said they were completely cheesed off with being bombarded by ridiculous surveys, such as the funeral company which ‘revealed’ that most people would prefer not to die tomorrow, or the roadside assistance company which astonishingly concluded that most drivers would rather not break down on a motorway.

Only 27% of those questioned by Daft Research said they did not mind reading about endless surveys, while 15% said they did not know what they felt. Another 10% said they could not add up.

A spokesman for Daft Research, which sent the Suffolk Gazette this story in a press release, said: “Commisioning a survey with stupid questions just to try and create a story simply grates on the consumer.”

What do you think? Take our survey now…

[yop_poll id=”4″]

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George Michael living under the sea

The Editor
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George Michael living under the sea

By Arthur Pint
Entertainment Editor

Superstar George Michael is living life as a hermit crab in a special luxury home under the sea off the Suffolk coast.

The former Wham! star has cut himself off from civilization as he battles to overcome alleged drug abuse and other addictions.

He hopes his self-imposed exile from normal life will rid him of his well-documented demons.

Media reports this week suggested Michael had checked into rehab in Switzerland. But the Suffolk Gazette understands he has bought a special underwater kingdom previously only available to the super rich in Dubai.

Under the waves: George Michael

At a cost of millions, he had the four-bedroom property floated to the North Sea and, under cover of darkness, sunk under the waves about half a mile off the golden beach at Lowestoft.

The underwater palace is made almost entirely of special toughened glass, affording Michael, who had scores of hits like Faith and Wake Me Up Before You Go Go, a brilliant view of East Anglia’s marine life of cod, haddock and plaice.

george-michael-house
Room with a view: George’s stunning living room (pic: H2ome)

He has a special mini-submarine which he uses to make trips to land without the need to wear a rubber wetsuit, which would remind him of one of his alleged fetishes and set his recovery back years.

A pal of the 52-year-old star, said to be worth £50 million, told the Suffolk Gazette: “George wanted the perfect hideaway so he could get over his demons.

“He had seen these glorious underwater homes while touring in the Middle East, and they fitted the bill.

“But he wanted to be close to the UK, so bringing his new home to the North Sea was the ideal solution. He is able to nip out to Lowestoft to buy provisions, and then slip back underwater unnoticed.

“No-one suspects a thing, so it’s the perfect way to get away from it all. He’s been living off Lowestoft for four months now so it’s working out well.

“His team concocted this Swiss rehab story to put people off the scent.”

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Boy steals penguin from zoo

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Boy steals penguin from zoo

A ten-year-old boy stole a penguin from a French zoo and smuggled it back to Britain in his backpack, the Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

He wrapped the penguin up in a towel, popped it in his bag and zipped it up before taking a ferry home across the Channel with his unsuspecting parents.

It was only later that night back at their house in Brantham, Suffolk that the boy’s horrified mum and dad found the penguin splashing about happily in their bath.

Once their son had admitted the theft, they immediately called the RSPCA. Officials from the charity contacted nearby Colchester Zoo, which is now looking after the bird, an adult female Gentoo penguin.

Suffolk Police were called in and have been in contact with their colleagues in Calais, close to the zoo which the family had visited on the last day of their French holiday.

But it is believed officers have agreed not to take further action against the apologetic youngster, who told them he took the penguin to “give it a new home”, and that he had not intended to cause any harm or upset anyone.

gentoo penguin

Vets examined the bird, which they nicknamed Pingu, and found it was none the worse for its unexpected adventure.

French police spokeswoman Mme Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “We understand the penguins had just been fed at the zoo near Calais, and because of that they were a little sleepy.

“The boy slipped under a barrier surrounding the penguin enclosure and simply picked up the penguin and wrapped it in his beach towel before putting it in his backpack.

“The family returned to their car soon after and then drove onto the first available ferry from Calais to Dover, then drove home to Suffolk. Meanwhile, the penguin was fast asleep in the bag.

“The parents had no idea what their son had done. They were furious when they found the penguin in the bath, but I think they are seeing the funny side now.”

penguin zoo

Colchester Zoo staff look after the penguin

Colchester Zoo officials said Pingu had settled in very well with her new Penguin pals, and it could be she will remain there rather than being transported back to France.

A member of staff said: “This is quite an extraordinary story, and while it might be funny we urge people not to enter zoo enclosures, and certainly not to steal any of the animals.”

The boy, who can not be named for legal reasons, has since told his parents that he wants to be a zookeeper when he grows up. He might want to consider holding a policy on the animals, in case something similar ever happens to him.

Man sells Greater Anglia trains for scrap

The Editor
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Man sells Greater Anglia trains for scrap

By Casey Jones
Railway Correspondent

A man who ekes out a living selling scrap metal from his white van hit the jackpot when he stumbled across Greater Anglia trains at a depot near Ipswich.

Pat McGroin was hoping to find the odd abandoned washing machine or bike on his morning round, but instead he discovered such a load of old rubbish that he will soon be able to retire.

He told the Suffolk Gazette: “I was driving around when I saw the biggest pile of scrap metal in my life. They looked like trains but it was hard to tell.

“There is surely no way anyone would actually use those carriages to transport thousands of commuters daily to London for an extortionate ticket price, so I took them.”

This is the age of the train: 94
This is the age of the train: 94

Mr McGroin, 54, loaded the carriages one at a time onto the back of his van, and took them to a scrap metal merchant where he has a registered and perfectly legal account to trade waste metal.

He admits his van was suffering a bit under the weight of a Greater Anglia train carriage, but with so much money being made after each trip to the yard he would soon be able to buy the Rolls Royce of white vans.

Greater Anglia trains passengers have been complaining for years about the terrible state of the stone-age rolling stock. The fleet is so ancient that there are numerous faults every day, making life a misery for long-suffering commuters.

News that the few serviceable remaining trains are now being sold for scrap by a happy Mr McGroin will only add to the pressure on the rail network in East Anglia.

The mainline to Norwich, via Ipswich and Colchester, Chelmsford and Stratford is not due to get any new trains for years, when a new franchise takes over the route and is forced to invest in new rolling stock.

But that may be too late, because Mr McGroin is close to cleaning out the depot.

A Greater Anglia insider said: “We accept that to the untrained eye our 45-year-old trains may look like a simple pile of scrap metal.

“However, they are pieces of hi-tech transportation equipment, and we shall be contacting your Mr McGroin to ask him to stop taking them.”

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Man finds face of Jesus in Nando’s chicken

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Man finds face of Jesus in Nando’s chicken

EXCLUSIVE
By Dai Etty
Religious Affairs Editor

An Ipswich man had the shock of his life when he saw the face of Jesus staring back at him from his Nando’s chicken.

Joe Carpenter was about to tuck into his delicious peri-peri chicken breast at the Nando’s Cardinal Park outlet when something stopped him in his tracks.

To his amazement, the face of Jesus was ingrained on the crispy skin, sporting long hair, a beard and a surprised expression.

“I was in total shock,” said Mr Carpenter, 39, of Holywells Road. “I just looked at it in silence before my wife, Mary, asked me if something was wrong with my food.

“I showed her the image and she nearly fainted. She’s quite religious and saw it as a sign.”

Mary wanted to take a photograph with her mobile phone in order to show it her local vicar and get the chicken blessed.

But as she looked up from finding the phone in her handbag, she was devastated to see her greedy husband had eaten the Messiah and had peri-peri sauce dribbling down his chin.

“I was desperate for my cheeky Nando’s. With pangs of hunger I just dived in and ate Jesus,” explained Mr Carpenter. “I hope nobody is offended. And I hope I don’t get struck down by lightning.”

Jesus enjoys food with pals in an olden-day version of Nando’s

Staff at the popular restaurant chain were surprised when Mr and Mrs Carpenter told them the face of Jesus had appeared in the peri-peri chicken.

One waitress took it as a sign of the second coming of Christ. The member of staff, 18, who asked not to be named for fear of ridicule, said: “We’re now expecting Ipswich Nando’s to become a place of pilgrimage.

“More customers will be ordering the same peri-peri chicken to see if the face of Jesus appears to them. I admit it will be good for business.”

A spokesman for the Bishop of St Edmundsbury and Ipswich said: “We’re sorry, we do not believe that Jesus has come back in a chicken. However, we welcome anything that might bring someone closer to God.”

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Smug passenger shaves ten seconds off flight

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Smug passenger shaves ten seconds off flight

By Izzy Jett, Aviation Correspondent

A passenger shaved an astonishing ten seconds off his three-hour flight by being the first to unbuckle his seatbelt and open his overhead locker after landing.

Dean Mowenden, of Mildenhall, Suffolk is one of a growing number of passengers who try and get off their planes before anyone else.

Dean Mowenden grabs his bag even before the plane stops

But the annoying behaviour saves them a mere few seconds – and in most cases they then end up waiting with everyone else at the terminal baggage reclaim anyway.

On Wednesday morning, on a flight from Stansted Airport to Majorca, factory worker Mowenden timed his manoeuvre just right, grabbing his hand luggage and getting a few rows closer to the exit door of the jet before those around him had even moved.

It meant he was walking down the plane steps a full ten seconds earlier than he would have been had he waited patiently to disembark like everyone else.

‘Well chuffed’

“I was well chuffed with that,” Mowenden told the Suffolk Gazette from his seafront hotel room. “I felt my holiday really started so much earlier.”

But fellow passengers were not so impressed. Iris Contrail, 64, said: “These people who unbuckle and stand up even before the seatbelt signs have been turned off are really annoying.

“They have no patience and clearly think they deserve to be off faster.”

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Joy as lorry overtakes another lorry in under a mile

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Joy as lorry overtakes another lorry in under a mile

By Laurie Hall

There were widespread celebrations across Suffolk last night when it emerged a lorry driver had taken LESS THAN A MILE to overtake another lorry on a dual carriageway.

Baz Greening, 54, was driving his Scania truck when he pulled out to overtake a DAF lorry – yet despite a slight incline, he still managed to complete his manoeuvre inside five minutes and in less than a mile.

Car drivers normally have to wait ages for lorries to pass each other, with some seemingly spending endless miles neck and neck between 50 and 60 miles per hour.

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Meanwhile, hundreds of frustrated car drivers stack up in the fast line behind them, unable to pass.

But those who sighed or cursed when Mr Greening pulled out ahead of them on the A14 outside Ipswich soon burst into spontaneous applause when he was clear of the other lorry before Claydon.

News of the amazing piece of driving spread across social media like wildfire – and now Mr Greening, of Diesel Road, Stowmarket, is being hailed a hero.

He told the Suffolk Gazette: “I’m a bit embarrassed about all the attention. It could have happened to anyone, but luckily it was me. I’d got a previous personal best of overtaking in two miles, but to get down to one is a great feeling.

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“Drivers have been high-fiving me in the street, hoping other lorry drivers can follow suit. They tend to get a bit peed off when lorries go head-to-head and the one in the slow lane fails to slow down a little bit.”

The Mayor of Ipswich, Kenneth Branagh, is now thinking of giving Mr Greening the freedom of the borough.

Lorry overtakes

Some councils have banned lorries from overtaking each other on busy sections of dual carriageway. But Suffolk County Council chiefs now believe a new generation of fast-overtaking lorry drivers might solve the problem.

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