By Arthur Pint
Entertainment Editor

The Suffolk Gazette can today expose one of the biggest show business cover-ups of all time – Kate Bush and Delia Smith are the same person.

Norwich City owner Delia, who lives near Stowmarket in Suffolk, found fame as a television chef, but really wanted to be a pop star.

So back in the 1970s she put on a long, bushy wig and invented the Kate Bush character, and until today fans of both were fooled.

To prove our astonishing revelation, we scoured the internet and could not find any examples of Delia Smith and Kate Bush being in the same room together.

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Delia Smith

Kate Bush

A showbiz insider said: “It really is remarkable that Delia was able to find fame and fortune not once, but twice.

“And it’s even more amazing that she has led a double life all this time without anyone guessing. Until now.

“But in hindsight the clues were there all along. When Delia famously took to the pitch at half time at Norwich and yelled at the fans down the microphone, she struck a pose very similar to Kate.

“And Kate’s so-called career break coincided with Delia spending more time trying to make Norwich City into a famous football team.

“Now the secret is out, so let’s hope Delia takes to the pitch again and gives us all a rendition of Babooshka and Running Up That Hill.”

Delia Bush refused to comment.

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EXCLUSIVE
Prime Minister David Cameron has again stressed that Britain simply does not have the space to take any more desperate refugees from the war-torn Middle East.

Speaking exclusively as we strolled through the grounds of his huge, sprawling 1,000-acre country estate in Buckinghamshire, Mr Cameron told the Suffolk Gazette that the UK was “full up” with no more room.

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Chequers: Mansion and 1,000 acres of landAs he gazed up at his grace-and-favour country mansion at Chequers, with its ten bedrooms, modern decor and scores of spare reception rooms and outbuildings, he said: “I was saying to Samantha last night when we rested at our lovely huge private constituency house with large grounds in Dean, Oxfordshire, that things were getting crowded.

Oxfordshire: Huge home in large grounds“She replied that indeed there was nowhere for anyone extra to live, and reminded me that our other house in trendy Notting Hill, London, which only has four bedrooms, was being rented out very easily for lots of money precisely because there is a shortage of housing.”

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Notting Hill: four-bedroom jollityMr Cameron added: “But I intend to get a grip on the refugee crisis, and I can tell you that after this interview I shall return straight to my official home in Downing Street, which has 100 rooms and a spacious half an acre garden at the back.

“From there I can continue to monitor the terrible news sweeping across Europe – and tell everyone there is no room in Britain.”

Meanwhile, the family of a three-year-old boy who was photographed drowned on the Mediterranean shoreline, continue to look for somewhere to stay as they flee the horrors of Syria.

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Downing Street: hundreds of rooms and large garden

By Colin Allcabs
Consumer correspondent

Men admitted last night to crumbling under the pressure of filling their bags efficiently and quickly at supermarket checkouts.

While women can pack away with no fuss whatsoever, men become flustered as the first goods roll across the scanner and down into the packing area.

With a queue of impatient customers waiting in line, and a checkout person scanning items at seemingly lightening speed, men are soon overwhelmed by a sense of inadequency.

As nerves hit crisis point, they bungle trying to prise open the top of plastic carrier bags – causing scanned items to clog up to the extent that the checkout person has to stop working. Meanwhile, women in the queue begin tutting, pointing and shaking their heads.

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A man forces a brave smile after another humiliating checkout experience

Builder Chris Green, of Mildenhall, Suffolk, said: “I’m quite good at speeding around the supermarket selecting all the goods I need. But once I’ve filled my trolley and head for the checkout, my problems begin.

“Men are just not programmed to be efficient when it comes to packing the bags. We even struggle to open the things. Women seem to be able to pack the same type of goods together in the same bag – so a bag for cheeses, another for meat, a couple for veg, and even separate ones for toiletries.

“But us men end up cramming everything together just to try to speed up and avoid the glares of other waiting customers.

“My mates are the same – we end up with a bag that might have toothpaste, wine, a joint of beef, cream and crisps all together. I dare not even think about what happens to the eggs.

“And because we try to cram so much in each bag to speed up, they invariably split when we lift them back into trolley.”

A spokesman for leading supermarket Fresco said: “We are aware men are incompetent packers and get into a bit of a state about it. We have now trained our checkout staff to be patient with them – but we can only ask female customers to be patient.”

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By Casey Jones
Railways Correspondent

Male commuters on the Greater Anglia mainline today welcomed Jeremy Corbyn’s plan for women-only carriages – so they don’t have to listen to them chatting away on their mobile phones.

Labour leadership candidate Mr Corbyn revealed his segregated carriage idea after a rise in sexual assaults on Britain’s train services.

But even though no men on the main London line from Norfolk and Suffolk would ever consider touching a woman – even their own wives – the women-only carriages will still be welcome.

Stephen Brittas, who commutes from his home in Stowmarket to London each day, said: “Every morning I have to listen to women nattering in loud voices on their mobile phones. Often it’s in a ridiculous high-pitched voice to their young children. One even blows kisses to her dog.

“Then after a long day at work, the whole thing repeats itself as they tell whomever is unfortunate enough to be on the other end all about their day.

“If Mr Corbyn gets his way, these women can all sit on the same carriage and talk over each other into their bloody phones. Vote for Jeremy Corbyn!”

But female commuters we spoke to said men were just as bad on their mobiles. Dawn Colridge, 19, from Colchester, said: “I’ve never been sexually assaulted on a Greater Anglia train, but I do get fed up with blokes sitting with their legs wide open, speaking on their phone and trying to look important.”

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Exclusive
By Rob Banks
Crime Editor

Country lanes have become a bloody battle ground with rival farm workers fighting each other in their rush to get the harvest in on time.

Police have been called to a worrying number of so-called “tractor rage” incidents, where farmers have been hurling vegetables as well as abuse with each other.

Problems escalate when tractors from rival farms meet head-on in a narrow lane – and both refuse to back down.

In one case this week in Ashbocking, near Ipswich, a farmer dispatched his slurry trailer and hosed down his neighbour’s workers because they refused to budge from the road.

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Police were called to the slurry-spraying drama

The problem is magnified in August as farmers rush to harvest cereal crops like wheat and barley – just as other vegetables including onions, potatoes and even leeks also need collecting.

With only a small window of time to get it all done between rainy days, tempers fray quickly.

At Peasenhall, near Framlingham, two tractors from rival farms met head-on and the situation soon got out of hand.

One farmer had a trailer of potatoes, the other was full of onions. These became perfect “missiles” as the red-faced pair ducked and dived behind their trailors while launching vegetables at each other.

Police sped to that incident after a mum out for a walk complained a potato landed in her baby’s pram. Both tractor drivers were cautioned for public order offences.

Large leek

Elsewhere, in Ixworth another incident led to a farm worker being hospitalised after he was slapped around the head with a large leek.

One man was arrested and will appear before Bury St Edmunds magistrates on Monday, charged with assault and the possession of a dangerous vegetable.

A police spokesman told the Suffolk Gazette: “We appreciate getting the harvest in is always a stressful time of year for farmers.

“However, we would urge them to keep a lid on their tempers and be respectful to each other on country lanes.

“Throwing vegetables at each other is not the way for grown-up men to behave, and we will make more arrests if it continues.”

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