By Colin Allcabs
Consumer Correspondent

Embattled Tesco bosses have announced a radical plan to start putting produce in logical areas of their stores in order to improve profits.

They intend to help customers find what they’re looking for quickly – and will use stores in Suffolk to test out the improvements.

The supermarket giant announced today its profits had tumbled by half to £354 million in the face of stiff competition. Like-for-like sales were down 1.1% and bosses revealed the outlook remained challenging.

But they were upbeat with claims that logical placement of goods on the shelves would soon turn their fortunes around.

A retail insider said: “For example, Tesco will now put peanuts with the other crisps and savoury snacks instead of randomly putting them on the other side of the store. That really makes no sense at all, and simply causes their customers much anguish and confusion.

“They’ll also put the eggs somewhere obvious. Everyone buys eggs, but no one really knows where they are because Tesco just put them amongst loads of other random stuff. One customer reported recently finding eggs next to flour.

“Many examples come to light – such as lime juice not being positioned next to lemon juice, or cream cheese being nowhere near cheese.”

Shoppers outside one of Ipswich’s Tesco stores, which will begin trials next week, backed the plans. Mum-of-seven Val Timpson said: “If it means I can do my shop quicker, and stop having to walk around and around looking for something, only to find it in the least obvious place, then I’m all for it.”

Customers also said TEsco would do well to help men feel less awkward at checkouts.

EXCLUSIVE
By Hugh Dunnett
Crime Correspondent

Suffolk police have forced a Chinese restaurant to close following complaints about its lewd name and menu.

The Foo King restaurant only opened in Sudbury a month ago, but the town’s residents failed to take warmly to the owners’ food selection.

Police received a stream of complaints and were forced to raid the premises on Tuesday night.

Owner Wai Hung Lo, 37, was arrested on suspicion of possessing offensive foodstuffs, and was released on bail pending further inquiries.

He was furious when contacted by the Suffolk Gazette, blaming ignorant locals for misinterpreting his Far Eastern delicacies such as Sum Dum Fuc, Hoo Flung Poo and Suk Mi Wang.

“We cook good traditional food from the Fah Flung province of China. It is quite uncommon for this food to be prepared here in England, so I am not surprised some people have not heard of many of the dishes before.

“But to read the names of the dishes and think we are being rude is very offensive to my country and traditions. Sudbury does not deserve us, and we will be looking to take our Suk Mi Wang speciality dish elsewhere.”

A police spokesman said: “We acted in good faith following complaints from residents. Although Mr Hung Lo was preparing genuine traditional dishes, we’re afraid the names simply do not translate very well here.”

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Exclusive
By Casey Jones
Railways Correspondent

Thousands of East Anglian rail passengers gathered in London last night to pay their last respects to a “dying” train company.

The Greater Anglia customers wanted to say their fond farewells after rumours swept the capital that their beloved train operator was on its last legs.

They flocked to Liverpool Street station and refused to budge for hours, deciding to stay united in their grief.

However, it emerged after three hours that the company’s evening operations were wheezing back to life and it was, for now, back from the dead.

Overjoyed at this great news, the mourners drifted away into the evening on the small number of trains that were actually able to leave the station.

A Greater Anglia insider said: “We had a near-death experience and everything stopped. But somehow we eventually got our sh*t together and managed to get some people home.”

Commuter Andy Hills from Ipswich said: “It was a great relief that our beloved train operator survived the evening.

“I’m glad I was able to be at Liverpool Street for hours to see the recovery.”

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