‘Cheeky’ sausage dog rips off midget friend’s face
Lorraine Fisher, a single mum from Ipswich, experienced a horrifying ordeal when she was viciously attacked by her friend’s pet sausage dog. Resulting in a devastating injury that has left her physically and emotionally scarred.
By Crime Editor: Rob Banks
Lorraine Fisher, who stands at just 3 feet 2 inches tall. She was enjoying a casual evening at her friend’s house when the friendly demeanour of Gnasher the dachshund suddenly turned aggressive.
In a swift and unexpected attack, the dog lunged at Lorraine’s face. Sinking its teeth into her cheek and tearing off a large chunk of tasty flesh.
The severity of the injury required extensive plastic surgery. Leaving Lorraine with a seven-inch scar across her previously beautiful face as well as profound emotional trauma. The ordeal has shattered her already meagre self-esteem. Making it difficult for her to even leave the house without wearing a cardboard box over her head.
Hole in one (cheek)
Compounding the distress, Fisher faces financial strain due to receiving only £50 a month in statutory sick pay. Which is insufficient to cover her bills, manicures and other living expenses. Unable to return to her job at a local mini-golf course due to the trauma and physical disfigurement. Fisher finds herself in a precarious financial situation.
Adding to the tragedy, it was revealed that the dachshund had previously attacked other, full-length humans, highlighting the negligence of her so-called ‘friend’ in failing to prevent such incidents. Despite the challenges she faces, Lorraine remains resilient with the unwavering support of her loved ones.
The harrowing sausage experience serves as a stark reminder of the profound and lasting impact of irresponsible pet ownership, underscoring the need for greater awareness and accountability in ensuring the safety of midgets, humans and animals alike.
Nike’s jersey design blunder blamed for England’s Football Flop
WEMBLEY STADIUM, LONDON – England’s national football team faced embarrassment on the field after Nike’s new jersey strip design.
By Our Football Staff
The controversial new jersey featured a modified version of the iconic cross of St. George. With various shades of blue, purple, and red, stitched onto the back of the collar. Straying from the traditional red and white design.
Nike defended the move as a bid to “unite and inspire,”. But critics, including UK opposition leader Keir Starmer, slammed the alteration, insisting that the flag didn’t need changing.
Amid growing public outcry, Starmer condemned the decision. Emphasising the flag’s unifying significance and calling for a reversal of the design change. He also criticized the steep price tag of £124.99, urging a reduction in cost, a request which Nike completely ignored.
Turning in their graves
Nike faced mounting pressure to reconsider its stance, with Starmer’s sentiments echoed by other political figures and fans alike. The company issued a statement, expressing regret over any offence caused and emphasizing its intention to honour the heroes of England’s 1966 World Cup victory through the jersey’s design elements. A line of defence which left the Lions of ’66 turning in their graves.
The controversial Nike England jersey
However, the damage had been done, and England’s morale suffered as a result. The team’s disunited and uninspiring performance in the friendly matches only fueled the controversy further. With fans and pundits alike attributing the poor showing to Nike’s ill-conceived design choice affecting moral.
As debates raged on social media about the appropriateness of the altered flag design, two-faced politician, Labour’s Emily Thornberry criticized Nike’s decision, asking who only England’s flag and not other nation’s was changed. The debacle marked another misstep for Nike in its handling of England football apparel, following previous controversies surrounding jerseys availability during last year’s Women’s World Cup.
As the fallout from the flag fiasco continued, questions lingered over Nike’s future collaborations with English football, national team manager, Gareth Southgate thanked his lucky stars that for once, the blame for the latest England failures has been pinned on someone else.
Becoming a smoke-free parent in today’s fast-paced world can feel like juggling flaming torches while balancing on a unicycle. We get it; life doesn’t pause to give us a break, especially when you’re trying to kick a habit that’s been a constant companion through stress and relaxation alike. But fear not!
This friendly guide is all about offering you practical, achievable tips and a sprinkle of encouragement to help you quit smoking, even when your schedule is packed from dawn until dusk.
Start with Your Why
Every significant journey begins with understanding why you want to travel that path. Wanting to quit smoking for your kids, to improve your health, or to save money—all these reasons carry powerful emotional weight. Keep these motivations in clear view (literally, put them on sticky notes around your house) to remind you why you’re choosing to say goodbye to cigarettes.
Break It Down: Small Goals, Big Wins
Facing the challenge of quitting smoking head-on can seem as intimidating as trying to scale a mountain in flip-flops. Instead, consider breaking it into more manageable sections, akin to hiking up smaller hills equipped with the right gear.
Begin by setting realistic daily or weekly goals. Perhaps, on day one, you aim to skip the cigarette you usually have with your morning coffee. Maybe you’re ready to cut out your lunchtime smoke by week two. Remember, this isn’t a race. Moving at a pace that feels comfortable for you increases your chance of long-term success.
Celebrating your victories is crucial. Did you make it through a stressful day without reverting to old habits? Reward yourself with something small but meaningful—a favourite treat, an extra episode of the series you’re binging, or some quality time with a book or hobby.
Each victory, no matter its size, is a brick in the foundation of your smoke-free life. Acknowledge your progress, and let it fuel your journey forward. These small wins are not just steps away from smoking; they’re steps toward a healthier, happier you.
The Power of Routine Replacement
Our lives are woven with habits that trigger our actions, with some leading us down less desirable paths. The key to untangling these habits lies in identifying when and why you’re reaching for a cigarette and finding a healthier behaviour to take its place.
Routine replacement involves crafting new, positive associations that reinforce your smoke-free goals. This might mean rearranging your schedule to avoid triggers or filling the time you would have spent smoking with activities that benefit your well-being. It could be as simple as taking five minutes to practice deep breathing or meditation instead of taking a smoke break. Over time, these new habits will overshadow the old ones and enrich your life with healthier patterns and choices.
Lean on Technology
In our digital age, support is right at our fingertips. Apps dedicated to quitting smoking can track your progress, savings, and health improvements. They also provide motivational quotes and connect you with a community of people on the same journey. You’re not alone, and these apps can prove it.
Nicotine Replacement Therapies (NRT)
NRTs can be a bridge to ease the transition away from smoking. From patches to gums or lozenges, these products help manage withdrawal symptoms and cravings.
For some, nicotine salts, which are used in vaping, offer a smoother experience than traditional cigarettes. They’re worth discussing with a healthcare professional to see if they could fit into your quitting plan.
Make It a Family Affair
Quitting smoking doesn’t have to be a solo mission. Get your family involved by letting them in on your goals and how they can support you. Whether it’s a hug when you’re feeling a craving or joining you for a distracting activity, their support can make all the difference.
Seek Out Smoke-Free Zones
Spend more time in places where smoking isn’t an option. Parks, libraries, and most restaurants are smoke-free environments that can help reduce your cravings. Plus, it’s an excellent opportunity for a mini-adventure with the kids.
Stay Hydrated and Snack Smart
Drinking water and keeping healthy snacks on hand can help manage nicotine cravings. Sometimes, the act of sipping water or munching on something crunchy can distract you enough to let the craving pass.
Breathe and Relax
Quitting smoking is as much a mental challenge as it is physical. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or even a quick walk can help manage stress without reaching for a cigarette. Finding what calms you can be a game-changer in your quitting journey.
The Slip-Up: Don’t Let It Derail You
It’s a common scene on the path to quitting smoking: the moment you find yourself with a cigarette in hand after days, weeks, or even months of progress.
First and foremost, breathe. This moment isn’t the end of your journey; it’s a bump in the road. Quitting smoking is a process, often nonlinear and filled with learning moments. Setbacks can illuminate our triggers and challenges, offering invaluable insights into our habits and resilience.
When a slip-up occurs, the first step is to gently acknowledge it without self-judgment. Understanding what led to the moment is crucial. Was it stress, a social situation, or maybe a certain time of day? This awareness can help you strategise and fortify your defences against similar triggers in the future.
Talk About It
Opening up about your decision to quit smoking can transform your journey from a solitary trek to a supported expedition. By sharing your goal with friends, family, or even your social media circles, you’re likely to discover a network of support you hadn’t anticipated. This step can be incredibly empowering. Acknowledging your decision publicly adds a layer of accountability and can significantly enhance your commitment to this life-changing endeavour.
The support you find can take many forms: words of encouragement, shared experiences, and maybe even a friend or relative who’s inspired to join you on your quitting journey. Sometimes, the most profound advice and support come from places you least expect. A coworker, an old friend, or a follower you’ve never met in person can offer the exact words of encouragement you need to hear at the right moment.
Find Your Distraction
In moments of craving, distractions are your best friend. Have a list of quick activities you can do instead—anything from a five-minute doodle, playing a game on your phone, or doing a quick household chore. The idea is to keep your hands and mind occupied until the craving passes.
Reflect on the Journey
Keep a journal of your quitting journey. Write down the challenges, the successes, and how you’re feeling. Looking back on how far you’ve come can be a powerful motivator to keep going.
Quitting smoking is a path fraught with challenges, but it’s also filled with moments of triumph, no matter how small. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection. Each day without a cigarette is a victory, and with these tips, you’re arming yourself with strategies to tackle this journey head-on, even amidst the whirlwind of modern parenting.
Here’s to healthier habits and a smoke-free life, filled with more breaths of fresh air and laughter with your loved ones.
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Building a steady stream of social media followers takes time and effort. You know it’s important to grow your audience and reach more people, but it can seem overwhelming trying to build up those follower counts. The good news is that with some smart strategies and consistency, you can organically expand your social media presence.
In this article, we’ll explore five proven tactics that you can implement over time to steadily increase your followers across all the major social platforms.
1. Provide Value Through Quality Content
To build your followers, focus on posting content that provides value. Share blog posts, videos, photos, or other media that entertains, educates, or inspires your audience.
Write posts about topics your followers care about. Explain an interesting concept, share tips or advice, or start an engaging discussion. Aim for a conversational tone and avoid overly promotional language.
Create short video tutorials, behind-the-scenes footage, or interviews with industry experts. Videos allow your audience to connect with you in a more personal way. Keep them casual, informative, and under 2 minutes.
Post eye-catching photos like creators such as the top black OnlyFans models do in order to give your followers a peek into your business, products, team, or lifestyle. Share images of your office, latest products, or staff at work. Engaging photos get more likes and increase visibility.
2. Optimize Your Profile and Make It Discoverable
Once you’ve set up your social media profiles, it’s time to optimize them. Make sure your profile photo is a clear shot of your face – it’s the first thing people will notice! Next, choose a username that’s consistent across platforms and includes your actual name or business name.
Write a short bio highlighting who you are and what you do. Mention your industry or area of expertise. Keep it casual and friendly.
Building your social media following takes time and patience. But by optimizing your profiles, using hashtags, posting great content regularly, and engaging with your followers, you’ll gain new followers week after week and build a loyal community. Stay at it, and your following will grow steadily over time!
3. Engage With Your Audience and Build Relationships
Building an engaged audience and fostering real relationships should be a top priority. Respond to comments and questions. Take the time to respond thoughtfully to all comments and questions on your posts.
People will appreciate your responsiveness and it builds connection. Share behind-the-scenes. Posting casual behind-the-scenes photos and short updates helps your audience get to know the real you or your business. Keep things lighthearted and authentic.
Collaborating with other influencers or brands is an excellent relationship-building strategy. Work together on content, promotion, or an event. Find partners with a similar audience but a non-competing brand or message.
4. Cross Promotion
Cross-promoting your social media accounts is a great way to gain new followers. Basically, you promote your accounts on other platforms to reach new audiences. For example, add social media links to your email newsletters, blog posts, and YouTube descriptions. Mention your Twitter handle on Instagram and Facebook, and vice versa.
This cross-channel promotion helps followers discover your other accounts. Someone who loves your Instagram feed may not realize you also have an active Twitter account or YouTube channel. Cross-promotion makes it easy for them to find and follow you on other networks.
5. Giveaways
Running giveaways is a great way to increase engagement and gain new followers on social media. Offer a prize related to your brand or niche. Whether it’s a product you sell or something aligned with your industry, give away something your followers will actually want. For extra entries, ask people to like and comment on your posts or share the giveaway on their own profiles.
Promote the giveaway for maximum visibility. Post about the giveaway on all your social channels in the weeks leading up to it. Build excitement by posting updates, photos of the prize, and reminders to enter. Tag influencers in your industry and ask them to help spread the word to their followers as well.
Follow up to gain a loyal follower. Reach out to the winner after a week or two to see how they’re enjoying the prize. This personal follow-up will make them feel valued and more connected to your brand. With some nurturing, giveaway entrants and winners can become your most loyal followers and brand ambassadors.
Copyright: Kerde Severin on Pexels I License: CC0 Public Domain
Keep Up the Good Work!
Building a strong social media following takes time and effort, but it’s worth it. Don’t get discouraged if growth seems slow at first – persistence and patience are key. Stay focused on providing your followers with content and experiences that enrich their lives.
When you do that, your audience will reward you with their attention and trust. Keep learning, keep improving your skills, and keep showing up to serve your followers day after day. Do that, and you’ll be well on your way to social media success.
Willy Wanker disappoints in latest immersive experience fail
IPSWICH, SUFFOLK – Willy Wanker – The company behind the disastrous Willy’s Chocolate Experience in Glasgow has now brought their unique brand of “immersive” entertainment to the streets of Ipswich.
Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred
Promising an adult adventure into the realms of sensuality and eroticism. The ‘Adult Pleasure Zone’ has opened its doors to eager patrons, only to leave them sorely disappointed.
Hyped as an immersive orgasmic journey. Attendees quickly realized that the only thing immersive about the experience were the puddles blocking its back alleyway entrance. Instead of a tantalizing exploration of the senses. Visitors found themselves confronted with a scene straight out of a sleazy 42nd Street nightmare.
Sensation offered by Willy Wanker
The centrepiece of the attraction? A soiled mattress propped up against a grimy exterior wall, surrounded by overflowing trash cans and discarded cardboard boxes. Far from the promised pornographic pleasure, the only sensation on offer seemed to be a creeping sense of regret.
Paying for it
Attempts to reach out to the organizers for comment were met with silence. Leaving patrons to ponder the true nature of the ‘erotic unknown’ they were promised.
Many questioned whether the entire venture was nothing more than a cynical cash grab. Preying on the desires of the unsuspectingly sexually needy.
For the sex starved residents of Ipswich, the ‘Adult Pleasure Zone’ has quickly become the butt of their jokes and a cautionary tale of the perils of chasing sexual fantasies instead of a settling down with a good book in front of the fireplace.
As for the organizers, they may find that their latest venture leaves a lasting stain on their reputation, as grubby as the one on their mattress.
Grealish’s Glove Affair: City Edge Past Chelsea in FA Cup Drama
On a cold, sunny day at Wembley, Manchester City secured a hard-fought 1-0 victory against Chelsea in the FA Cup semi-final, with Jack Grealish stealing the spotlight by sporting goalkeeper gloves throughout the game, despite not playing in goal.
By Our Football Staff
Date 20th April 2024 – F.A. Cup Semi-Final – Wembley Stadiu
Manchester City 1 Chelsea 0 B Silva (84′) HT 0-0 Â The match began with Chelsea dominating proceedings, as Nicolas Jackson found himself thwarted twice by City goalkeeper Stefan Ortega early in the second half. The tension escalated when Mauricio Pochettino’s side was denied a penalty after a contentious handball incident involving glove-handed Grealish. Referee Michael Oliver waved away appeals, sparking uproar among Chelsea’s ranks. Â Adding to the chaos, VAR officials chose not to penalize Grealish, citing his attempt to minimize his body’s size during the free-kick. Pochettino, visibly frustrated, hinted at his disappointment during the post-match press conference, raising questions about the officiating. Â Chelsea FA Cup twist
Meanwhile, amidst the drama on the field, Conor Gallagher’s relentless pursuit of City’s defence and Cole Palmer’s audacious attempts on goal provided moments of excitement. However, City’s struggle to find their rhythm was evident, with Chelsea posing a constant threat. Â As extra time loomed, Bernardo Silva emerged as the hero for City, converting Kevin De Bruyne’s precise cross to clinch victory. The win kept City’s FA Cup defence on track, propelling them to their second successive final.
Crippled Tower Bridge stunt farmer had the tractor factor
TOWER HILL, LONDON – Suffolk farmer, Albert Hunter found himself on the front pages following a motorized stunt that would have made Evel Knievel shudder.
By Farming Correspondent (intern): Ivor Traktor
Driving his trusty tractor over the iconic Tower Bridge in London on his way to a farm show in Battersea Park, Farmer Albert’s journey took an unexpected turn when the bridge beneath him began to shift. Due to a technical hitch, the famous bridge unexpectedly parted ways, confronting him with a life-or-death decision.
Rogue Sheep
Frantically scanning his surroundings, Albert’s instincts kicked in. With no time for second-guessing, he made the split-second decision to channel his inner daredevil. Just as he had done countless times before in pursuit of rogue sheep on his farm, Albert slammed on the accelerator and executed a daring leap across the ever-widening gap, defying the laws of agricultural physics.
Landing on the opposite side of the bridge with a thump, the tractor emerged unscathed from the airborne escapade to screams of fright and delight from stunned onlookers.
Poor Albert
Poor Albert however, bore the brunt of his bold decision. In the process of achieving this miraculous feat, the unfortunate farmer sustained a broken neck that consigned him to a wheelchair – for life.
70 years later, Albert’s airborne antics are a footnote in the story of London’s iconic Tower Bridge, but his incredible story lives on in the annals of rural daredevilry.
Suffolk men rejoice at opening of ‘the perfect pub’
IPSWICH, SUFFOLK – Ipswich pubgoers are raising their glasses in celebration at the grand opening of a new ‘perfect pub’ – the ‘John Thomas’.
By Consumer Correspondent: Colin Allcabs
The establishment, named after an extremely well-endowed 15th Century Englishman, is being celebrated for its innovative ‘bloke-friendly’ bar design which allows patrons to pour their own pints from customer-facing taps, revolutionizing the traditional pub experience.
But it’s not just the self-service beer taps that have punters lining up their tenners with excitement. The John Thomas bar also has urinals conveniently attached to the front of the counter. Offering patrons the unique opportunity to urinate and enjoy a pint …AT THE SAME TIME!
Pull & piss
Local men have welcomed the innovation with glee. Gone are the days of drunkenly navigating crowded pub toilets or queuing for the loo between rounds; at the John Thomas. Patrons can ‘pull and piss’ without stopping to wash their hands.
The perfect pub
Landlord, Barry Brewer, expressed delight at the overwhelmingly positive response to the unconventional bar layout. “We wanted to create a space where customers could enjoy a truly immersive drinking experience,” he explained. “With the beer taps at their fingertips and the convenience of on-the-spot urinals, we believe we’ve achieved just that. Sales have gone through the roof!”
Visitors at the John Thomas have wasted no time in making themselves at home. Relishing the opportunity to enjoy a leisurely pint without ever having to lose their place at the bar.
A Suffolk woman has warned people not to buy a border collie when they are drunk, after making a terrible mistake last week.https://t.co/dojBE8kWvY
As word of the pub’s unique amenities spreads,. the John Thomas looks likely to become a fixture of the local drinking scene.
Stool joke
Amidst the rambunctious pub atmosphere, one question remained on the lips of the punters … now that the gents’ toilets are redundant, what are they going to do with the stools?
