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Fury over Operation Bloomers police campaign

The Editor
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Fury over Operation Bloomers police campaign

Bloomers

By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

Police in Aldeburgh are using valuable manpower to remove unsightly underwear from elderly residents’ washing lines, the Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

Operation Bloomers was launched in secret last week following complaints that items of large undergarments, often quite old, were ruining the views across the posh seaside resort.

A source at Suffolk Police said local commanders were using indecency laws as an excuse to rid the town of unpleasant underwear belonging to the ageing population, including huge brassieres, elasticated knickers, and gigantic bloomers.

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The police source said: “You should have seen some of the stuff put up unashamedly on washing lines. Not only was it horrible to look at, it was also dangerous. We’ve had high winds recently, and two pairs of bloomers have come loose and taken off.

“One landed on a passing motorist’s windscreen and he had to make an emergency stop outside the Moot Hall, while the other got stuck on the roof of the lifeboat station. It’s still there for all to see, as far as I know. It’s no laughing matter because it looks like the RNLI has a rude new flag.”

Resident Mavis Beavis, 83, was furious that police were wasting their time looking for old ladies’ underwear. “There are far more pressing matters for them to attend to, like parking issues on the High Street.”

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But Caroline Farquhar-Smythe, who lives in London but has a second home in Aldeburgh, was all for the police clampdown. Speaking through the window of her Range Rover she cooed: “I was one of the people who complained to the police. I don’t want to see underwear when I am out and about here. People should use their laundry rooms or pay a person to do it for them.”

Officers confirmed the items were being confiscated, but could be reclaimed from the town’s police station as long as individuals could prove they owned them.

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Suffolk-Norfolk border closure causes A140 chaos

The Editor
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Suffolk-Norfolk border closure causes A140 chaos

By Doug Trench
Defence Editor

The closure of the Suffolk-Norfolk border caused chaos on the A140 today, with traffic queuing for miles.

As relations between the counties descended perilously close to all-out conflict, Suffolk officials closed the border with Norfolk to ensure migrants and spies were not moving south into the county.

But the new checkpoints caused rush-hour misery for law-abiding Suffolk workers trying to go about their business, with tailbacks of ten miles reported on the A140 near Eye.

a140-tractor-chaos
Early-morning commuters stuck on the A140 today

Police were called to calm tempers of those farmers simply trying to get to their fields just over the border.

Even when the vehicles got to the checkpoints, they were met with chaotic scenes and further delays as officials spent most of the time trying to throw Norfolk migrants back over the border.

tractor-road-block
Checkpoint Charlies: Workers stuck in more delays at the border

The border closure follows similar measures taken in countries across Europe to stem the tide of migrants.

Only recently the Suffolk Gazette revealed how officials here were trying to stop the flow of Norfolk country bumpkins into the county, including the infamous Edna Spratt, from Dereham, who is desperate to escape from her hovel hellhole.

Edna Spratt on LinkedIn
Norfolk filth: Edna Spratt, who lives with her brother and their 14 children

It is expected the border will be re-opened tomorrow after assurances from Norfolk that patrols were being increased there to turn back migrants.

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Ipswich terror target shock

The Editor
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Ipswich terror target shock

Exclusive
By Ben Twaters
Security Correspondent

Hopes were raised today that a planned terror attack on Ipswich could cause millions of pounds worth of improvements.

Alleged plans by so-called Islamic State to crash planes into Ipswich, Brighton, Bath and London were revealed in a national newspaper over the weekend.

The Sunday Express claimed ISIS-supporting commercial airline pilots had discussed attacks in coded radio communications picked up the RAF and passed to GCHQ.

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Beautiful: Ipswich town centre

Suffolk locals were shocked by the claims they could be targeted.

“Ipswich town centre has become a no-go zone in recent years. Flattening it would be a tremendous boost.”

There was still confusion in Whitehall about why Ipswich was selected.

A Home Office insider told the Suffolk Gazette: “Ipswich town centre is already a wasteland; there’s nothing of note there.

“We can only speculate that one of the ISIS commanders is a Norwich fan.

“Either that or they have opened up a surprise new battle front against pound shops, mobile phone outlets and street beggars.”

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Family froze to death outside theatre

The Editor
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Family froze to death outside theatre

EXCLUSIVE
By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

A Norfolk family of three froze to death after a mix-up over a theatre sign, it emerged today.

The parents and their eight-year-old son had been queuing patiently for three days in the recent cold snap to see “Closed for the Winter” at the Roseland theatre in Mildenhall, Suffolk.

MILDENHALL-closed
Grim scene: The Roseland Theatre in Mildenhall

Theatre manager Rupert Chance told the Suffolk Gazette: “It’s very sad. I think the family were from a part of rural Norfolk where entertainment and communication with others is hard to come by.

“We believe they crossed the border by horse and cart to buy some essential provisions in Mildenhall. They must have passed by the theatre and assumed the sign was our latest production.”

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A Suffolk police insider said: “We can confirm a Norfolk family of three was found dead outside the Roseland theatre in Mildenhall last Friday. We have put barriers up around the entrance while we carry out a full investigation.

“We will not be releasing the names of the family until relatives have been informed, but there seems to be some confusion over siblings and parents.”

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Sky Sports nets world crabbing TV rights

The Editor
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Sky Sports nets world crabbing TV rights

Sky Sports has won the TV rights to screen the World Series of Crabbing live from across East Anglia this summer.

In an exclusive deal worth £50million, the World Series of Crabbing (WSOC) will feature four championship events screened live on Sky, building up to a grand final in Walberswick, Suffolk in August.

With Sky Sports shelling out millions there has never been a better time to catch crabs, and this year’s series is expected to attract high-profile crabbers from around the world.

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But what makes the sport most appealing is that children can enter the WSOC event, making it possible an eight-year-old could win the final and pocket the £1 million first prize.

The WSOC today unveiled the dates for the events, which will all take place on a Sunday afternoon, beginning in Cromer, Norfolk, on July 9:

Cromer, Norfolk, July 9
Orford, Suffolk, July 23
Wells-next-the-Sea, Norfolk, August 6
Bawdsey, Suffolk, August 13
Walberswick, Suffolk, Grand Final, August 27

Pincer movement: Participants jostle to get the best crabbing spot at Walberswick

The championship events will be scored by who has caught the most crabs in an hour-long period. All participants will get a point per crab, and the 20 crabbers with the highest score from all events combined will be invited to the exclusive grand final, which is expected to draw a television audience of millions.

Crabbers use their skills to attract the most custaceans, but bacon is a popular bait. Only one line is allowed per crabber. Although seen as a leisurely sport, things can get feisty as crabbers seek the best spot on shoreline.

Sky Sports, which will screen the events in high-definition, is expected to bring a host of innovations to the coverage, including slow-motion underwater replays of a great catch, fancy in-studio graphics, multiple on and off-shore camera angles, together with some of the sport’s greatest commentators and analysts.

WSOC director Gary “Sideways” Walker told the Suffolk Gazette: “We are delighted to have Sky Sports on board to televise the championship events and Grand Final, it will really put crabbing on the map.

“And it will also be a great advert for Suffolk and Norfolk, where young people have enjoyed catching crabs for generations.”

Meanwhile, academics have received funding to investigating why residents of Cromer walk sideways.

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Suffolk and Norfolk rivalry on a plate

The Editor
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Suffolk and Norfolk rivalry on a plate

Historic rivalry between Suffolk and Norfolk intensified today with news that the neighbouring East Anglian counties are separated by tectonic plates.

Geologists have discovered the plates stretching nearly 70 miles along the Suffolk-Norfolk border, from Brandon in the west to Beccles and Bungay in the east.

And they admit the extraordinary discovery might even explain the fierce football rivalry between Norwich City and their more illustrious and trophy-winning rivals Ipswich Town.

While it has always been accepted that the earth is composed of seven or eight major plates forming the continents, new surveying techniques are allowing geologists to uncover a number of minor plates all over the world.

“This is an interesting but not wholly unexpected discovery,” explained Professor Ian Pickett of UEA in Norwich. “This may be a small plate relative to the largest continents, but it is an important development in our understanding of the geology of England and East Anglia.

“And to have it quite literally on our doorstep is very fortunate for geologists like me.”

Professor Pickett believes the plates and the county border are exactly aligned and that Norfolk used to be what geologists term as a “mini isolated continent”.

Inbreeding

Experts say this would explain why traditionally the county is known for its backward thinking and inbreeding.

And the football rivalry could certainly be fuelled by these unseen underground forces.

“Absolutely,” Professor Pickett said. “Although not in my case as I support Charlton Athletic. But perhaps it’s no coincidence that the north folk of Norfolk and the south folk of Suffolk drew the county line where it is back in the 5th century.

“Don’t underestimate our forebears – the Angles would probably have had knowledge of the once great natural divide.”

But sports fan David Peters, 49, from Beccles dismissed the idea that this has anything do to with football allegiance.

“It’s a load of rubbish. I’m Suffolk born and bred but have always supported Norwich. It’s a lot closer to me than Ipswich and the wife does the shopping there.”

Meanwhile Janice Davey, of Bungay was more open to the idea. The 45-year-old said: “I’ve been a Town fan all of my life. I might live nearer Norwich but as a Suffolk girl I feel loyalty to the county town of Ipswich.

“Norwich might be in the Premier League now while Ipswich are down in the Championship – but form is temporary, class is permanent.”

Fears that the recently-found tectonic plates could cause earthquakes were allayed by locals. Doris Dawkins, 86, from Beccles, who lives with her long-suffering husband Fred, said nothing like that had ever happened.

“Certainly the earth hasn’t moved in my house for years,” she laughed.

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Man in pub wins Greater Anglia rail franchise

The Editor
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Man in pub wins Greater Anglia rail franchise

By Casey Jones
Railway Correspondent

A man in the pub has been awarded the East Anglian rail franchise currently run by Greater Anglia, the Suffolk Gazette can reveal.

The Department for Transport confirmed that Greater Anglia had given customers such a rough ride on the network that handing the contract to a bloke down the boozer was likely to lead to a better service.

The lucky recipient was Ricky Fry, 52, of Yaxley, near Diss, who will take over operations for the London to Norwich mainline and all branch services in Suffolk, Norfolk, Essex, Cambridgeshire and parts of Hertfordshire.

greater-anglia-train
This is the age of the train: 94 years old

Mr Fry has many years’ experience of commuting between Diss and London Liverpool Street, an activity he said is best carried out less than sober because of the terrible state of the trains and questionable timekeeping.

He was selected when DfT bosses randomly picked him out from the rail travelers waiting to be served at the Hamilton Hall bar in Liverpool Street station.

Speaking from a seat by the window, he told the Suffolk Gazette: “I have a swifty or two before catching the 06:53 morning service into London, because that makes the journey more bearable. I don’t remember much about the journeys home, to be honest.”

Asked about what changes Suffolk’s long-suffering commuters could expect, Mr Fry, who worked previously in pensions auditing in the City, said he would get the trains running on time and supply free gin and beer for all season ticket holders.

“Customers from Norwich will face higher fares to pay for the Suffolk commuters’ gin and Adnams,” he explained.

An Abellio Greater Anglia insider said: “The DfT actually thinks that someone they found in a pub can do a better job than us? We have excelled recently at not being able to organise anything, and frankly it’s a bit unfair when one of our trains only arrived 14 minutes late the other day. What do these people want – seats?”

A spokesman from the DfT confirmed the decision to hand the rail franchise to a man they found in the pub. But he denied suggestions that the running of Network Rail could be handed over instantly to a cabal of drinkers.

“If the bloke from the pub does okay with the rail franchise, we might consider allowing a group of pub customers to take over the running of Network Rail, which sadly is currently known as Notwork Rail.”

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NHL ice hockey franchise for Stowmarket

The Editor
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NHL ice hockey franchise for Stowmarket

Exclusive
By Chuck Allard

The North American National Hockey League has revealed extraordinary plans to allow a new hockey franchise team to join from Britain.

And the Suffolk Gazette can exclusively reveal the new team is being proposed for Stowmarket.

The franchise, to be called the Stow Meerkats, will be based at a new arena to be built on the Morrisons site when the supermarket closes later this year.

It is believed that Stowmarket was chosen because of widespread local disappointment that SnOasis, the indoor sporting wonderland planned for nearby Great Blakenham, has so far failed to move forward.

Mid Suffolk District Council, despite initial concerns about traffic and “loud hollering and whooping”, are expected to rubber stamp the plans for a change of use to the site and the new 8,000-seat arena.

Coming to Stowmarket: Toronto Maple Leafs take on the Winnipeg Jets

Stow Meerkats spokesman, local businessman Carter Tremblay said negotiations with the National Hockey League, which traditionally only accepts teams from the United States and Canada, had been swift and surprisingly simple.

“They saw the merit of extending the NHL into Europe, and Stowmarket, despite not being known as a go-ahead town, ticked all the boxes.

“We realise that ice hockey is currently not very popular in Suffolk, but we will invest in a very expensive public relations exercise and have excellent discounts on season tickets and merchandise for the first season.

“We’d also love for the team to have locals playing in it, so we aim to have a series of trials for people to come and have a go.

“This is an extraordinary chance to put Stowmarket on the map. If the hockey franchise is the success we expect it to be, then you can bet that tens of thousands of tourists from the US and Canada will come and visit.

“We really are very excited by the prospect of playing teams like the Vancouver Canucks and Chicago Blackhawks.”

An NHL insider said: “The Stow Meerkats has assured us Stowmarket is one of the biggest cities in the UK, and the locals are passionate about the sport. We are delighted to be working with them and extending the NHL across the pond into Europe.”

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