By Colin Allcabs
Consumer correspondent

Men admitted last night to crumbling under the pressure of filling their bags efficiently and quickly at supermarket checkouts.

While women can pack away with no fuss whatsoever, men become flustered as the first goods roll across the scanner and down into the packing area.

With a queue of impatient customers waiting in line, and a checkout person scanning items at seemingly lightening speed, men are soon overwhelmed by a sense of inadequency.

As nerves hit crisis point, they bungle trying to prise open the top of plastic carrier bags – causing scanned items to clog up to the extent that the checkout person has to stop working. Meanwhile, women in the queue begin tutting, pointing and shaking their heads.

Builder Chris Green, of Mildenhall, Suffolk, said: “I’m quite good at speeding around the supermarket selecting all the goods I need. But once I’ve filled my trolley and head for the checkout, my problems begin.

“Men are just not programmed to be efficient when it comes to packing the bags. We even struggle to open the things. Women seem to be able to pack the same type of goods together in the same bag – so a bag for cheeses, another for meat, a couple for veg, and even separate ones for toiletries.

“But us men end up cramming everything together just to try to speed up and avoid the glares of other waiting customers.

“My mates are the same – we end up with a bag that might have toothpaste, wine, a joint of beef, cream and crisps all together. I dare not even think about what happens to the eggs.

“And because we try to cram so much in each bag to speed up, they invariably split when we lift them back into trolley.”

A spokesman for leading supermarket Fresco said: “We are aware men are incompetent packers and get into a bit of a state about it. We have now trained our checkout staff to be patient with them – but we can only ask female customers to be patient.”

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By Casey Jones
Railways Correspondent

Male commuters on the Greater Anglia mainline today welcomed Jeremy Corbyn’s plan for women-only carriages – so they don’t have to listen to them chatting away on their mobile phones.

Labour leadership candidate Mr Corbyn revealed his segregated carriage idea after a rise in sexual assaults on Britain’s train services.

But even though no men on the main London line from Norfolk and Suffolk would ever consider touching a woman – even their own wives – the women-only carriages will still be welcome.

Stephen Brittas, who commutes from his home in Stowmarket to London each day, said: “Every morning I have to listen to women nattering in loud voices on their mobile phones. Often it’s in a ridiculous high-pitched voice to their young children. One even blows kisses to her dog.

“Then after a long day at work, the whole thing repeats itself as they tell whomever is unfortunate enough to be on the other end all about their day.

“If Mr Corbyn gets his way, these women can all sit on the same carriage and talk over each other into their bloody phones. Vote for Jeremy Corbyn!”

But female commuters we spoke to said men were just as bad on their mobiles. Dawn Colridge, 19, from Colchester, said: “I’ve never been sexually assaulted on a Greater Anglia train, but I do get fed up with blokes sitting with their legs wide open, speaking on their phone and trying to look important.”

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Exclusive
By Rob Banks
Crime Editor

Country lanes have become a bloody battle ground with rival farm workers fighting each other in their rush to get the harvest in on time.

Police have been called to a worrying number of so-called “tractor rage” incidents, where farmers have been hurling vegetables as well as abuse with each other.

Problems escalate when tractors from rival farms meet head-on in a narrow lane – and both refuse to back down.

In one case this week in Ashbocking, near Ipswich, a farmer dispatched his slurry trailer and hosed down his neighbour’s workers because they refused to budge from the road.

The problem is magnified in August as farmers rush to harvest cereal crops like wheat and barley – just as other vegetables including onions, potatoes and even leeks also need collecting.

With only a small window of time to get it all done between rainy days, tempers fray quickly.

At Peasenhall, near Framlingham, two tractors from rival farms met head-on and the situation soon got out of hand.

One farmer had a trailer of potatoes, the other was full of onions. These became perfect “missiles” as the red-faced pair ducked and dived behind their trailors while launching vegetables at each other.

Police sped to that incident after a mum out for a walk complained a potato landed in her baby’s pram. Both tractor drivers were cautioned for public order offences.

Large leek

Elsewhere, in Ixworth another incident led to a farm worker being hospitalised after he was slapped around the head with a large leek.

One man was arrested and will appear before Bury St Edmunds magistrates on Monday, charged with assault and the possession of a dangerous vegetable.

A police spokesman told the Suffolk Gazette: “We appreciate getting the harvest in is always a stressful time of year for farmers.

“However, we would urge them to keep a lid on their tempers and be respectful to each other on country lanes.

“Throwing vegetables at each other is not the way for grown-up men to behave, and we will make more arrests if it continues.”

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It’s famous for mustard, turkey and North Sea crabs, but now scientists have discovered that Norfolk is where ducks first evolved.

A five-year study at the University of East Anglia revealed ducks’ webbed feet share almost identical DNA with the townsfolk of Cromer.

Now boffins have received funding to begin a further study to back up the findings.

Of particular interest is why women in Norfolk have unusually large amounts of body hair and a passion for swimming, while local men have long, thin beak-like noses and skinny legs.

The scientists expect to conclude that ducks and residents of Norfolk are indeed close relatives.

Dr Terence Johnson, who led the UEA study, was excited about the findings. He told the Suffolk Gazette: “The webbed feet link between ducks and Norfolk people is perhaps the biggest leap in evolutionary theory in years.

“I’m sure your readers in Suffolk have laughed for years about Norfolk people having webbed feet, but now we have discovered a very good reason for it.

“We can show that evolution has taken many tens of thousands of years, with the common duck evolving from the same sub-human species. DNA specifically nails down a link to the Cromer area on the North Norfolk coast.”

The discovery may force Norwich City Football Club to rethink its famous Canaries nickname, instead putting a duck on the club badge.

But the study was rubbished by Cromer mayor George Mallard.

“It’s quackers,” he said.

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