Saturday, January 11, 2025
Home Blog Page 351

Astronaut Tim Peake spots chasm around Norwich

The Editor
-
0
Astronaut Tim Peake spots chasm around Norwich

WORLD EXCLUSIVE
By Suffolk Gazette Space Team

British astronaut Tim Peake has revealed that while orbiting earth he has seen a gaping chasm opening up between Norwich and the rest of the Premiership.

From his vantage point 248 miles above us in the International Space Station, Major Peake said the gap started showing around the Norfolk city two months ago, and is getting ever wider.

major-tim-peakeMind the gap: Tim Peake looks down on the chasm that has opened up around Norwich

In a private Twitter message to the Suffolk Gazette, the daring spaceman said he feared Norwich would now be unable to close the gap – and would be sucked into the black hole of relegation.

“From up here I can see all of the wonders of the world – the Grand Canyon, the Great Wall of China, Everest and more,” said Major Peake, 43. “Then this new huge disfigurement appeared in the landscape in East Anglia.

“I pass over there every few days, and the chasm between Norwich and everyone else is just getting wider. It’s quite scary, really, because the locals seemed to think it could never happen, and they may never be able to recover. Mind you, in Norfolk they still think the earth is flat.”

[AdSense-A]

Meanwhile, Norwich’s plight is expected to worsen this weekend, because not only do they have to face high-flying Manchester City, but fellow strugglers Newcastle United will get a boost by sacking Steve McClaren and replacing him with Rafa Benitez.

Will Delia Smith hit under-fire Norwich boss Alex Neil over the head with a frying pan and get herself a new manager before it’s too late? Stick with the Suffolk Gazette for all the latest news.

* * * *

Like The Suffolk Gazette on Facebook now!

Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!
[olimometer id=1]

Dr Dre reveals Beets By Dray inspired by Suffolk farmer

The Editor
-
0
Dr Dre reveals Beets By Dray inspired by Suffolk farmer

EXCLUSIVE
By Arthur Aspall, Entertainment Editor

Multi-millionaire rapper Dr Dre got the inspiration for his famous music headphones while being caught behind slow-moving farm traffic in Suffolk, we can reveal.

Talking exclusively to the Suffolk Gazette, he told for the first time how his Beets By Dray headphones were dreamt up on the A134 near Bury St Edmunds.

[AdSense-A]

“I was on vacation in the UK and driving through west Suffolk when I got held up behind this horse and cart pulling a load of beet to the Bury St Edmunds sugar beet factory.

“It is a very windy, narrow road, nothing like the eight-lane highways I am used to back in California, and I was stuck for hours.

“I was just staring at the back of this dray full of beet, and then I thought, ‘Hey, beets by dray sounds pretty cool’ – and my brand was born!”

beets-by-dray-1Dr Dre’s photo of the Suffolk farmer who inspired him on the A134

When Dr Dre, 51, got back to the US, he set about putting his production plans into action, and the Beets By Dray brand sprang to life. His trendy, high-powered and colourful headphones began to sell in their millions. They became so successful that Dr Dre’s company, Beets Electronics turned over $1.5 billion in 2013 and was bought by Apple one year later.

beats-by-dreBeets By Dray

“And I owe it all to the A134 in Suffolk and a very slow farmer,” Dr Dre said.

[AdSense-B]

He told the Suffolk Gazette he took a photograph of the farmer on that fateful day in 2008, which he has allowed us to reproduce here, and he would now like to track him down. “I’d happily return to England and reward this farmer for giving me the idea for Beets By Dray,” he said.

* * * *

Like The Suffolk Gazette on Facebook now!

Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!
[olimometer id=1]

Boris Johnson’s fish and chip shame

The Editor
-
0
Boris Johnson’s fish and chip shame

By Courtney Pike, Fishing Correspondent

Boris Johnson is leading the EU out campaign because he has a secret controlling interest in a chain of Suffolk fish and chip shops.

The Suffolk Gazette can reveal that the Tory heavyweight’s chippy empire will profit if Britain is exempt from the EU’s restrictive North Sea fishing quotas.

Bumper-sized trawler catches of cod and haddock will ensure a cheaper supply to his high-class fish and chip establishments in Aldeburgh, Leiston, Woodbridge and Southwold.

But industry experts are surprised the fish and chip shop millionaire has gone to such underhand extremes to improve business.

“It goes to show how ruthless these politicians are,” said Mr Chris P Fry, chairman of the Lowestoft Fisheries Corporation. “Staking your whole political future on such a major issue as Brexit is one thing, but being caught out doing so for business reasons is quite another.”

Something fishy: Boris Johnson tests new ingredients for his fish and chip shops

A Suffolk Gazette investigation reveals Johnson owns six fish and chip shops in the upmarket Suffolk coastal area, using a parent company called Batter Europe Now Ltd.

Companies House records show the chain turned over £3.1 million last year, netting a profit of £1 million for Mr Johnson and company director Ian Luscombe, who is also named as a non-executive director of the Suffolk treacle mine.

The chippies are popular with Suffolk locals and a firm favourite for tourists – and even Mr Johnson ships regular takeaways to London by taxi so he can enjoy slap-up dinners at home.

One pro-Europe campaigner said: “This probably explains why Boris is a little overweight. But now his secret fast-food empire, and the reasons for his support of leaving the European Union have been exposed, we’re sure we’ll win the referendum and stay in Europe.”

Mr Johnson was unavailable to speak to the Suffolk Gazette last night, but a friend said: “Boris is not trying to wriggle off the hook – when the chips are down he’ll come out fighting.”

Our story seems to confirm many alleged sightings of Mr Johnson near fish and chip shops in east Suffolk.

* * * *

Like The Suffolk Gazette on Facebook now!

Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!
[olimometer id=1]

Norwich City FC: an apology

The Editor
-
1
Norwich City FC: an apology

We have been asked to make clear that Norwich City Football Club will not be charged with wasting police time, and that it does have a trophy cabinet after all.

Last week the Suffolk Gazette published a story claiming the club told police its trophy cabinet had been stolen, but we now understand the information presented to Hugh Dunnett, our esteemed Crime Correspondent, was incorrect.

We now accept that Norwich City is indeed the proud owner of a trophy cabinet, a lovely glass item on a wooden base that sits proudly in the Carrow Road board room.

[AdSense-A]

By way of proof, lawyers for Norwich sent us this photograph which we are pleased to publish…

Norwich FC trophy cabinetThe Norwich City trophy cabinet in the club board room

The statement adds that one day the club hopes to win something to put in the trophy cabinet.

We are happy to make the situation clear, and confirm that police will not be investigating the club for wrongly claiming the cabinet was missing.

Meanwhile, Norwich’s East Anglian rivals Ipswich Town, who do have a cabinet stuffed full of trophies, including the league championship, FA Cup and UEFA Cup, took another step towards securing life in the Championship for yet another season by throwing away a 2-0 lead at rock-bottom Bolton last night, with the Trotters equalizing from the spot in the sixth minute of injury time.

* * * *

Like The Suffolk Gazette on Facebook now!

Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!
[olimometer id=1]

Top drug addict admits: I failed a sports test

The Editor
-
1
Top drug addict admits: I failed a sports test

By Hugh Dunnett
Crime Correspondent

A famous drug addict broke down in tears yesterday when he admitted to failing a sports test.

Darren Dee told a hushed news conference he had been caught playing tennis in Ipswich – despite it being a banned activity for drug users since the New Year.

“I missed the memo about tennis being outlawed by the underworld,” said Dee, 34, one of Suffolk’s most well-known addicts with a string of impressive convictions to his name.

“Honestly, it was just the one game with a mate in Christchurch Park, but now it’s ruined everything I’ve worked for since I was 13.”

The drug world’s organising body has now suspended Dee from all doping activities, but it is widely accepted the failed sports test will bring the curtain down on his illustrious criminal career.

drug-addict-sport-testWhat a dope: Darren Dee admitted failing a sports test
From humble beginnings on an Ipswich housing estate, Dee rose from occasional cannabis user to being a champion cocaine and heroin abuser. He shot up the police most wanted list, and for a period in 2013 was Suffolk’s most notorious drug addict.

Dee made a fortune from corporate sponsorships, including international chemist outfit Nuke, but already many are signalling they intend to drop him because of his sport shame.

Tennis, which is believed to have been developed in France, has been used by some drug addicts for years but was only outlawed from January 1 because of its performance-enhancing properties.

A drug underworld insider told the Suffolk Gazette: “Tennis was found to increase the blood flow and therefore deemed to give an unfair advantage to drug users who played it.

“Dee was given a routine sports test after a drug session last Tuesday when the presence of tennis was discovered.

“His bed sit in Ipswich was searched and we found a stash of paraphernalia, including a racket, some white shorts and four balls.”

Easter Bunny microwave teacher suspended

The Editor
-
1
Easter Bunny microwave teacher suspended

EXCLUSIVE
By Richard Adams

A primary school teacher has been suspended after telling her class you make hot cross buns by putting Easter Rabbits in the microwave.

Youngsters at Little Brimmer Primary School burst into tears when the teacher made her ill-advised joke last week.

And when furious parents complained to the school head, the member of staff was suspended immediately.

A school spokesman said: “We encourage our children to have a sense of humour, but this was simply not funny. We abhor any kind of animal cruelty.

“She told her class that putting rabbits in a microwave would make them hot and very cross, hence hot cross buns.

“Now a formal hearing with the Suffolk education department will determine if and when the teacher, who has been with the school for nine years, can return to work.”

One parent told the Suffolk Gazette: “Olivia came home crying. I thought the caretaker must have accidentally turned the kids blue again, but then she told me about the hot cross buns.

“It has ruined Easter for all of us.”

* * * *

Like The Suffolk Gazette on Facebook now!

Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!
[olimometer id=1]

Blonde Essex girl in lather over shampoo gaffe

The Editor
-
0
Blonde Essex girl in lather over shampoo gaffe

EXCLUSIVE
By Colin Allcabs, Consumer Correspondent

A judge has thrown out a lawsuit brought by a blonde Essex woman who claimed £400,000 in damages after a misunderstanding over instructions on her shampoo bottle.

Chelsea Gooch, 24, took the “wash, rinse and repeat” wording on her bottle literally – and washed her hair repeatedly for eight hours until the shampoo ran out.

But the marathon shampoo session, which involved nearly 80 washes, caused damage to her hair, ridding it of its natural oils and causing her “untold emotional stress”.

She sued the makers of the Gurnier peach melba shampoo for £400,000, but High Court judge James Landon swiftly granted the request to dismiss the case characterised by Gurnier’s legal team as “a willful misreading” of the product’s instructions designed to support a “wrong-headed attempt to assign culpability” to the manufacturer.

Ms Gooch, who is an executive assistant trainee administrator beauty technician from Witham, has vowed to continue pursuing her case, saying she intends to continue filing her suit “again, again and again” until it is heard by the courts.

Gang nabs £20 treasures from Suffolk museum

The Editor
-
0
Gang nabs £20 treasures from Suffolk museum

By Rob Banks
Crime Editor

A daredevil gang stole rare artifacts worth £20 after using pogo sticks and an electric drill to break into a Suffolk museum.

The criminals are believed to be connected to a mastermind who plotted more successful £60million raids on museums in Cambridge and Norwich.

“I suppose it was only a matter of time before they struck here,” said Mrs Anne Teak, curator of Stowmarket’s Museum of East Anglian Strife. “Some of the items are irreplaceable top end pieces which were donated by generous local families when their grannies died.”

The artifacts were a seven-inch jelly mould, made of some kind of metal alloy, worth £3, an OXO tin (circa 1950) valued at £7.50, and a silver plated but tarnished hairbrush worth £11, once owned by a deceased usherette at the Regal Cinema.

suffolk museumAntiques no show: valuable items missing from the Suffolk museum

Police say the ruthless gang used a high-powered Hilti DD350 drill, costing £3,000, to tunnel under the museum shop, then used pogo sticks to jump over state-of-the-art laser security beams to snatch their haul.

They then left via the staff kitchen door, jemmying it open with a spoon before making their getaway in a high-speed ice cream van.

Stowmarket’s top thiefcatcher, Det Insp Will Knabbem urged any witnesses to ring Crimestoppers. He said: “We are finger-printing the spoon which they carelessly left behind. The Oxo tin is very distinctive and may be too hot for a fence to handle. It is red with white lettering, spelling O-X-O. We need to find the items before they are melted down and lost to history.”

* * * *

Like The Suffolk Gazette on Facebook now!

Please support my running costs by clicking here and buying me a beer!
[olimometer id=1]

1...350351352...377Page 351 of 377

Just In

Sport

Business

Features

Contact us