Editor’s note: well done to those who spotted this story was an April Fool – our only genuine, fact-checked, serious story of the year

By Flora Pi Lo

The new mandatory National Living Wage is now law, forcing employers to pay any workers aged over 25 at least £7.20 an hour.

It is expected the new measure will present an immediate pay rise to 1.3 million workers.

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But that news will not interest Port Talbot steel workers who face losing their jobs. Today they prepare to meet Business Secretary Sajid Javid, who insists the government is “on their side”.

Thousands of workers face being laid off after Indian conglomerate Tata announced it was selling its UK assets, including its large south Wales plant.

Also in business, the Co-operative Bank today revealed it had made a loss of £611million, but still managed to pay its chief executive a £3.85 million package. The Argos Home Retail Group says it intends to support Sainsbury’s takeover of its retail chain for £1.3 billion, which could see the closure of 200 stores.

North Korea

Meanwhile, China and the United States will work together in an attempt to prevent further missile tests by North Korea, US President Barack Obama has announced.

In motoring news, Tesla has unveiled its Model 3 electric car – its cheapest vehicle so far. Chief executive Elon Musk said the five-seater would start at £24,423 and be able to go over 215 miles on a single charge.

Tributes continue to pour in for comedian Ronnie Corbett, who died yesterday, aged 85.

And finally, Premier League football returns this weekend after the international break. Leaders Leicester City take on Southampton on Sunday as they continue to close down their shock title win.

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By Suffolk Gazette staff

A monster crab called Claws is stalking the Suffolk coast and is now believed to be responsible for the disappearance of two dogs.

The fearsome crustacean, which was photographed near Walberswick for the first time over the weekend, is thought to have grown to more than four feet wide.

Experts believe it has fattened up on the ready supply of bacon thrown into the water by youngsters crabbing from the nearby jetties.

And they say it is now big enough to potentially attack small children, and is likely to blame for taking a spaniel and a Yorkshire Terrier from the beach last month.

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A local coastguard officer said: “At first the stories of the existence of Claws were quite fun, but it has kept growing and is now a real danger. It has taken two dogs already, and we recommend anyone thinking of paddling or swimming in the sea should wear shoes or they could lose a toe or two.”

Fearsome: Claws was snapped emerging from the sea near Walberswick on Sunday

The photograph was taken by Cliff Dunwich as he strolled along the beach. He said: “It was massive and I daresay it would give a nasty nip. I managed to get the shot before it scuttled back into the sea again. Believe me, I won’t be paddling here until it’s caught.”

A local pub is now offering a £100 reward for Claws’ capture, saying it will make for a week’s worth of crab sandwiches.

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By Seymour Paige, Education Editor

Most under-tens in Suffolk do not know the meaning of Easter Monday, a shocking new report reveals.

The children, in both state and private schools, had an abysmal knowledge of religion whilst having an encyclopedic fund of facts about video games.

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A variety of projects by the pupils said Easter Monday was the day Jesus sprang to life after being killed by zombies, then rolled a giant chocolate egg away from the entrance of a cave and ran out in a cape to fight “the baddies”.

They thought he then got on a skateboard and whizzed into Ipswich to see if Asda was open. He was trying to buy a ready-meal Last Supper for his 12 superheroes, including Saint Sonic and Saint SpongeBob SquarePants. Then he flew to Alton Towers to avoid traffic jams and got home to watch a Carry On film with his grandad and eat lamb kebabs.

This pupil’s explanation of Easter Monday dismayed teachers

The findings, pulled together in the report by the county eduction department, have shocked local churches, who will now join forces with Suffolk County Council to try to improve the children’s religious knowledge.

“Even the older children thought the Liturgy was a form of the squits caused by eating too much chocolate,” said a council spokesman.

“They thought Passover was something to do with rugby and the Ascension was what soldiers did when they were shouted at. They reckoned fasting was what Mario did in his kart and penance were what you hung out of the car window when Ipswich Town were playing.

“We knew that religion takes a lesser place in society than it used to, but these children are lacking in general knowledge because they spend all their time playing games on their iPads. This is something that needs to be urgently addressed.”

Local vicar Evan Elpuss added: “Perhaps we should invent a religious-themed video game to capture their imaginations?”

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