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Suffolk lion sightings spark huge police hunt

The Editor
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Suffolk lion sightings spark huge police hunt

Police look for lion on the loose in Suffolk

By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

A police operation to catch a lion on the loose in a Suffolk village was called off when the dangerous animal turned out to be a stuffed toy left in a field.

Suffolk police received three calls from worried elderly residents at Saxtead, who claimed they had spotted a lion stalking the long grass on the village green.

Officers sent three patrol cars to the village near Framlingham and even sent up the police helicopter to find the rogue big cat.

Villagers were warned to stay indoors and the A1120 was closed while calls were made to regional zoos to check if any lions had escaped.

But the search was called off after 45 minutes when a constable discovered the “lion” was, in fact, a stuffed toy that had been carelessly discarded on recreational land.

Police search for a lion at SaxteadMane attraction: police searching for the Suffolk lion in Saxtead

A police source said: “The stuffed toy was quite large and certainly could be mistaken easily for a real lion, especially by someone who is elderly and whose eyesight is longer as good as it used to be.

“It’s always better to be safe that sorry, so we sent officers to check the area, and used the force helicopter with a heat-seeking camera to look for the beast.

“We’re glad it was a false alarm and nobody was killed.”

Man refused mortgage to buy vegetables

The Editor
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Man refused mortgage to buy vegetables

Courgette shortage

Suffolk man Jon Stevens has been refused the mortgage he needed to buy this week’s vegetables.

Mr Stevens had saved up all week to buy a lettuce, some courgettes and a cauliflower, and was hoping to borrow the rest from his bank.

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But his mean-spirited bank manager turned down his request for a 15-year mortgage to pay for the essential basket of veg.

“I had saved hard for what I thought would be a pretty good deposit for the vegetables at Tesco, but the bank would not fund the difference,” said Mr Stevens, 46, a teacher from Newmarket.

He added: “I even offered to extend the repayment period to 25 years, and pay higher interest, but the bank would not budge.”

Shoppers across Britain are facing huge increases in vegetable prices, while other crops are fast disappearing from the shelves… all down to dodgy weather in Southern Europe.

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Some stores have introduced rationing, with a single lettuce now costing well over £1.

Mr Stevens said he was ignoring the temptation to use a high-interest pay-day loan and was now stocking up on crisps to see him through the crisis.

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Revealed: Donald Trump’s Norfolk ancestry with royal links

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Revealed: Donald Trump’s Norfolk ancestry with royal links

By Ian Bred, Norfolk Correspondent

American President Donald Trump’s ancestors were Norfolk farmers with an incredible modern-day link to the Queen, we can reveal today.

We traced his family tree going back many generations, and discovered his ancestors eked out a living on farmland that is now part of Her Majesty’s sprawling Sandringham Estate.

Our special investigation featured weeks of sifting through thousands of documents and old photographs at the Norfolk Central Records Office, which unearthed the extraordinary Trump heritage in the village of West Newton, just south of Sandringham.

Mr Trump’s great, great-grandfather Archibald “Archie” Trump bought eight acres of land in 1827, and he toiled for more than 50 years with the help of his sons Abraham and Henry, before he died in 1879, aged 68.

The family endured many hardships, yet young Henry – who was Donald Trump’s great-grandfather – displayed some business acumen by being featured in an early edition of the Eastern Daily Press newspaper, posing for the camera as part of a feature about rearing geese.

henry trump norfolkTake a gander: Henry Trump, the President’s great grandfather, pictured as a young man
Henry displays many of the distinctive Trump features as a young boy, but as he grew older he bore an uncanny resemblance to Donald Trump. We discovered another photo of Henry, believed to be taken in 1880, just after his father’s death.

He would have been around 35 years old at this point, and the photograph, which featured in the West Newton parish newsletter, shows Henry was still working the land, as he poses proudly with a hay fork. He even has tiny hands!

Henry Trump in NorfolkFamily features: Henry as an older man was the spitting image of Donald
Henry had one son – Donald Trump’s grandfather, Isaac – who moved to the remote Isle of Lewis in Scotland when the family sold their Norfolk land to the Sandringham Estate, which had been the country retreat of British monarchs since 1868.

It seems extraordinary now that the Trump family’s first business venture, a smallholding farm in Norfolk, was sold to the British Royal Family.

The rest of the Trump family history is more commonly known. Isaac raised three daughters on the Isle of Lewis, one of whom was the President’s mother, Mary Anne, who moved to America in 1930 to work as a house servant.

The Suffolk Gazette guide to avoiding supermarket vegetable crisis

The Editor
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The Suffolk Gazette guide to avoiding supermarket vegetable crisis

Vegetable crisis

Are you distraught at the prospect of no lettuces or courgettes because of the dodgy Spanish weather?

We at the Suffolk Gazette DON’T like to think of our regular readers having to go without while shops ration healthy foods or display empty shelves.

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So we have brought in nutritionist Dr Sally Q Cumber to give you tips for this week’s shopping, bringing tasty alternatives to your usual veg.

– If you can’t get an iceberg lettuce, just go for an ice lolly. Both items are full of water and will do you no harm.

– Crunchy tangy radishes? If you can’t get these lovely crisps treats, just buy a bag of Twiglets.

Swap radishes for Twiglets to avoid vegetable crisisSwap your tangy radishes for Twiglets

– No plain old crunchy lettuce for you to sprinkle a little salt on? Swap for a bag of plain salted crisps. Just as crunchy as the lettuce and probably even more fun for the kids.

– No slurpy tasty tomatoes at your supermarket? Go for a Mars bar at room temperature and you will find it quite a pleasant alternative.

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– Missing chunks of bright orange butternut squash or carrots? Enjoy cheesy Wotsits which are the same colouring with almost as much goodness.

– For potato wedges, try Doritos crisps dunked in mayonnaise.

– And if strawberries are in short supply, try Haribo which are most realistic.

We hope you found these brilliant tips useful when you get to the supermarket later.

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Norfolk scientists make flying horse genetic blunder

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Norfolk scientists make flying horse genetic blunder

Norfolk scientists duck horse
By Doug Trench, Defence Editor

A secret weapons laboratory in Norfolk has been shut down after attempts to make a flying horse ended in disaster.

Boffins at the Sheringham research facility believed they could mutate a horse’s genes with a duck so that it could fly, literally under the radar.

But the bold experiments went wrong when the mutant white horse turned out to have a duck’s head without wings so it couldn’t take off.

It’s almost as strange as the locals evolving just one toe.

Funds from the Bernard Matthews Military Trust have now been withdrawn, and Norfolk’s hope of developing a “stealth horse” with which to attack Suffolk have been mothballed.

A scientist who is now applying for refugee status in Suffolk said: “We were tasked with creating something capable of flying under the radar and delivering a sh*t load of bombs. Unfortunately, we just ended up with a duck-horse thing capable of nothing more than a bomb load of sh”t.”

The news is the latest setback for Norfolk as it fights to overcome increasing border activity and incursions from the Suffolk Liberation Front.

Meanwhile, the duck-horse has been sent to graze in Downham Market, where human mutants live.

Cookie Monster has life-threatening diabetes

The Editor
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Cookie Monster has life-threatening diabetes

The Cookie Monster has diabetes

The Cookie Monster is suffering from life-threatening diabetes after years of bingeing on biscuits, it has been confirmed.

He was paid handsomely to stuff his face with cookies by television show Sesame Street – and is now paying the ultimate price.

Pals say the Cookie Monster, once a vivacious and fun-loving character whose catchphrases included “Me want cookie!”, “Me eat cookie!” and “Om nom nom nom”, is now a sad, overweight recluse who has to inject himself with insulin.

At the height of his fame, he lived in a palatial Hollywood mansion, but now he has moved to England to live out his last years in a bungalow in Felixstowe, Suffolk.

One friend said: “He was exploited in the name of chasing television ratings. It is shameful that it has come to this – he cannot earn a living anymore.

“His so-called showbiz friends have deserted him, and he is a burden on the National Health Service.

“Once he was blue and full of life – now he is grey and old before his time.”

Cookie Monster

The Cookie Monster, 43, was a fitness fanatic when he first joined the Sesame Street cast.

He was asked to eat cookies greedily for the cameras, but the gorging became an addiction and he started eating them in his dressing room and at home.

The Cookie Monster soon developed early signs of diabetes, but he could not give up the cookies, and once even slipped into a diabetic coma.

A spokesman for Ipswich Hospital, which has been treating the blue muppet for over a year, said: “This is a lesson for young people everywhere – eat in moderation.”

Man shows off his convertible car in February

The Editor
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Man shows off his convertible car in February

Man shows off convertible car
A man has taken advantage of the warmer February weather to drive his convertible car around with the roof down.

Stephen Jenkinson, 57, was worried throughout the winter that no-one noticed his Mercedes came with a luxury option for open-air motoring.

So as soon as the temperature crept up passed 8 degrees centigrade this morning, he couldn’t wait to go topless.

Other motorists looked on in envy as Mr Jenkinson drove around the Stowmarket area with his roof down, and his heater on full blast.

The carpet salesman said: “I have a very desirable convertible car that shows off how successful I am. Other drivers are impressed when they see me enjoying the breeze in my hair; I hope it cheers them up.”

But onlookers were not as impressed as Mr Jenkinson had hoped.

Shop worker Clare Mills, 33, from Needham Market said: “He looked a twat. It’s February, for goodness sake. People in a convertible car look silly in summer, let alone when it’s nearly cold enough to snow.”

Mr Jenkinson leased his sparkling Mercedes last year, and is unconcerned that the price amounts to more than half of his income. “It’s worth it to see how everyone looks at me enviously,” he said, adding, “I’ve finally made it in life.”

Mick McCarthy is the new face of Bargain Bins

The Editor
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Mick McCarthy is the new face of Bargain Bins

Ipswich Town manager Mick McCarthy has landed a lucrative personal sponsorship deal as the new face of skip hire company Bargain Bins.

The firm was so impressed with how McCarthy conducted his transfer window business that they swooped to sign him up (which was quite ironic in itself).

While ambitious Championship clubs signed exciting and established players, forking out millions in the process, Ipswich snapped up a couple of unknown players from non-league football, an ageing defender from the American league, another defender who has been without a club all season, and, at the last minute yesterday, two loan players who are only in the reserves of other Championship clubs.

The underwhelming wheeling and dealing, despite the club promising it would replace star striker Daryl Murphy, who was sold just before the start of the season with no-one coming in, was real bargain bin stuff.

Mick McCarthy is the new face of Bargain BinsBecause you’re worth it: Mick McCarthy is the new face of Bargain Bins
Fans had hoped for some big signings to improve results because Ipswich are slipping down the table and have a nightmare run of tough fixtures coming up, including a trip to arch rivals Norwich City.

The popular Ipswich Town FC Australian Supporters Club might not have heard of Bargain Bins, preferring instead to use the decent local alternatives, such as Skip Bins Melbourne.

Bargain Bins chief commercial officer Darren Smith said: “Everyone loves a Bargain Bin, and Mick McCarthy is the perfect face for our campaigns.

“He loves to rummage around and find the stuff everyone else wants to chuck out. Watch out for him in our TV ad campaign, coming soon.”

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