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‘Killer’ clown craze hits Norwich as woman attacked

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‘Killer’ clown craze hits Norwich as woman attacked

Ed Balls clown attack in Norwich

EXCLUSIVE
By Hugh Dunnett, Crime Correspondent

The “killer” clown craze sweeping Britain plunged to new depths when a woman was attacked in Norwich in broad daylight yesterday.

Dawn Smith was out shopping in Norwich market when a man dressed as well-known clown Ed Balls jumped out of nowhere, grabbed her around the neck from behind and dragged her to the floor.

Our exclusive photo, snapped by shocked passing shopper Bubba Spuckler, from Dereham in Norfolk, shows the horrific attack in progress and has now been passed to Norfolk Police.

A spokesman said: “This clown craze has gone too far. It started as a joke but it really is quite sinister when a clown appearing to be Ed Balls attacks a woman in the city centre.

“We are sure it is not Mr Balls, however – he has not been seen in Norwich for months, even though he is chairman of Norwich City FC.”

But investigations by this newspaper indicate the Ed Balls clown could, in fact, have been Ed Balls after all. Our man doorstepped the Strictly Come Dancing studios and tracked down Mr Balls, who is “starring” in the show… and found him wearing the same evil green and yellow clown costume.

He insisted: “I did not drag down that woman. The only thing I have dragged down is the British economy and Norwich City FC.”

Tim Peake claims £17 million mileage expenses

The Editor
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Tim Peake claims £17 million mileage expenses

Major Tim Peake expenses raise eyebrows

British astronaut Major Tim Peake has been asked to resubmit his space mission expenses after claiming more than £17 million for mileage.

A document seen by the Suffolk Gazette shows Major Peake clocked up 70,985,445 miles during his historic trip on the International Space Station this year.

And, in line with European Space Agency policy, he tried to claim 25p for every mile he covered for work – amounting to a whopping £17,746,361.25p.

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But bosses gave Major Peake, 44, the bad news that mileage from his six-month space trip was not allowable, and have told him to resubmit the expense form with only mileage to the launch pad from his hotel – amounting to just £4.50.

Major Peake, who flew over Suffolk several times during his 2,720 orbits of earth, has accepted his expenses rejection in good spirit, and is said to be looking forward to receiving the smaller amount.

An insider at the European Space Agency said: “There was a bit of a mix-up. Tim assumed he could claim work-related mileage while onboard the space station, although he expected to take a few miles off for the period he was doing his space walk.

“Our accountants sent his expenses claim back and the matter has been resolved amicably.”

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A pal of Major Peake said: “Everyone finds doing expenses is a pain in the backside, and Tim is no different.

“He was surprised that he thought he could claim nearly £18 million, the slightly disappointed when he found out it was only £4.50.”

Meanwhile, an old woman has become the first person to circumnavigate Suffolk by bus.

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Revealed: yet more Norfolk migrants arrive in Suffolk by train

The Editor
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Revealed: yet more Norfolk migrants arrive in Suffolk by train

norwich trainProof: Yet more troll-like Norfolk migrants arrive in Ipswich by train
EXCLUSIVE
By Doug Trench, Defence Editor

Today we publish exclusive footage that proves thousands of illegal Norfolk migrants are sneaking into Suffolk by breaking into trains as they roll across the border.

Authorities have long suspected that the rail route through East Anglia is being used by strange-looking Norfolk peasants desperate to reach a new life in Suffolk.

But they have never been caught on film using the Greater Anglia route… until now.

Suffolk UKIP member Major Hugh Posslethwaite lay in wait outside Stowmarket for the 9.42 from Norwich to London to pass and filmed the amazing footage we have published at the top of this page.

The astonishing clip shows up to 100 Norfolk migrants on the train beaming with delight as they see the lush and bountiful Suffolk countryside for the first time.

Each of the foreigners has long, straggly hair, huge wide eyes and — contrary to popular belief — only four fingers instead of six.

Major Posslethwaite followed the line and watched as the migrants then disembarked at either Stowmarket or Ipswich before scuttling away to claim free benefits and housing in Suffolk.

Now there are calls for stricter checks on the mainline, with a new border post being proposed close to Checkpoint Barley at the new Suffolk-Norfolk border wall.

Major Posslethwaite said: “Suffolk is being crippled by a tidal wave of illegal immigration from Norfolk. These people not only take our jobs and our homes, but they look bloody strange, too.”

But civil rights campaigners called our investigation into question. Lorraine Fisher, 34, of Civil Rights Suffolk said: “These poor people are fleeing poverty and conflict in Norfolk. They may look different and speak a strange language, but these are not reasons to deny them the chance of a new and better life in Suffolk.”

Rail firm hires sweeper to clear leaves on the line

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Rail firm hires sweeper to clear leaves on the line

By Casey Jones, Railways Correspondent

It is a force of nature that has brought pain and misery to train passengers for years, causing frustrating delays and even cancellations.

But now Greater Anglia railways has come up with a brilliant scheme to solve the autumnal problem of fallen leaves on the line.

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Bosses at the East Anglian rail franchise have hired an elderly man whose only job is to sweep up the leaves on the mainline between Norwich and Liverpool Street station in London.

Derek Smith, 76, from Diss, has been given a high-visibility jacket and a state-of-the-art brush – and is already patrolling the 115-mile stretch of railway

He walks up and down the track by day, sweeping up any errant dead foliage that should fall on the line and cause passing train wheels to slip. And by night he camps in woodland next to the line so he ready to start promptly the next morning.

Leaves on the lineDerek Smith working on the line near Manningtree today

Greater Anglia says he has already proved invaluable, with a spokesman telling the Suffolk Gazette: “We are well into October and the leaves are turning and beginning to fall. Yet we have had zero cancellations so far owing to fallen leaves on the line.

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“We employed Mr Smith on a very decent package for a two-month period, and expect our punctuality records for October and November to improve dramatically.”

Other rail companies across Britain are taking note of the initiative, and already Virgin trains is advertising for a rail sweeper of its own.

Mr Smith, a retired road sweeper, told us: “It’s a dream job. I’m out in the countryside doing what I love – I just have to keep an eye out for approaching trains.”

Orville the Duck dead, eaten by Norwich fans

The Editor
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Orville the Duck dead, eaten by Norwich fans

EXCLUSIVE
By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

Millions of fans were mourning the gruesome death of Orville the duck today after traces of green feathers were found in Delia Smith’s football pies.

Orville was offered the chance of a new life as Norwich City’s mascot last year when his long-term employer Mr Keith Harris died.

But fans soon noticed that the cuddly green duck – famed for wearing a large nappy – had never been seen at Carrow Road.

Police were called in to investigate the disappearance of the children’s television favourite, who hit the top of the pop charts with I Wish I Could Fly in 1982.

Forensic tests in the Carrow Road canteen found traces of stringy duck and feathers in Delia Smith’s pies – and several more green feathers in a freezer.

 

Orvlle the duck is deadDelia Smith and Orville the duck in happier times

A police spokesman said: “We have reason to believe a large duck found its way into the Norwich City kitchen and may have been used as a pie ingredient. Meat pies are popular with football fans on match days and a valuable source of income to the club.”

Orville the Duck

A Norwich City club insider admitted that Norwich owner Delia Smith and the board had been forced to cut costs since being relegated from the Premier League – but strongly denied killing Orville the duck.

“We have trimmed costs but would never have killed this duck in order to bulk out our pies with cheap meat. We have no idea where he is – he just never turned up for work.”

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Elderly lady lost driving around M25 for two days

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Elderly lady lost driving around M25 for two days

By Suffolk Gazette Staff

An 84-year-old Suffolk motorist got lost on the M25 for more than two days before running out of petrol and being picked by police, it emerged today.

Dorothy Taylor, from Ipswich, was driving to Brentwood to pay a surprise visit to her sister – but took a wrong turn off the A12 and ended up on the busy London orbital motorway.

She drove around the 117-mile circuit at least twice before tiring and pulling into a service area to get some rest.

Next morning she set off again but had no better luck finding her way off the motorway before having to stop again that night at the same services.

And it was only when she ran out of petrol early on day three near Heathrow that a police patrol car picked her up.

Lost on the M25 - Dorothy TaylorRound and round in circles: Dorothy Taylor, 84 (photo: contributed)
“I felt a bit of an old fool,” Mrs Taylor said. “I had not got a clue where I was and so I kept driving. I thought it was odd that I went over the same bridge, which turned out to be the Dartford Crossing, six or seven times. I lost count in the end, to be honest.

“I never felt worried, I stopped for food and rest breaks, but I did not want to ask anyone for help because they all looked in such a rush. I did not want to be a nuisance.”

Mrs Taylor, who was widowed five years ago, has been driving since 1949 and recently upgraded her “battered old Ford Fiesta” for a swish Honda Civic.

“I thought I’d pay a surprise visit to my sister, Agnes in Brentwood and show her the car. I must have taken a wrong turn near there and got on the M25 instead. I’ve never driven on a motorway and was a little confused by all the fast traffic.

“It seemed to me the safest thing to do was just keep going until I recognised somewhere. Unfortunately, I did not recognise anywhere at all – all the roads looked the same and I could not really make out many of the signs. It’s my eyesight, I suppose.”

M25Road to nowhere: the M25

Mrs Taylor said police arranged for her to be towed back to a service station on the A12, from where she filled up with diesel and was escorted to her sister’s house, apparently none the worse for her ordeal. Officer told her she had probably done around 800 miles during her adventure and had been going clockwise throughout.

“The car ran really well, so at least that was pleasing,” Mrs Taylor said.

She has no plans to quit the road but insists she will now stick to local trip only. “I’ll get the train next time I want to see Agnes,” she said.

Police race to village bake-off riot

The Editor
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Police race to village bake-off riot

EXCLUSIVE
By Rob Banks, Crime Editor

Police raced to a village bake-off contest after allegations of flirtation and cheating spilled into violence.

Tempers flared when voluptuous widow Wendy Summerskill, 54, won an award for her moist Victoria sponge just moments after her floury baps got first prize in the bread-making category.

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Jealous rivals claimed she only won because she had enjoyed a secret fling with the competition judge, Major Rupert Bone three years ago.

And when village postmistress Helena Jones-Smythe saw Mrs Summerskill fluttering her eyelids at Major Bone as he held her cups aloft, she “went mad” and threw one of her cupcakes across Little Brimmer Village Hall.

Unfortunately, according to witnesses, the errant cupcake knocked over tea being drunk by Jane Ford, the fearsome treasurer of the village’s branch of the Women’s Institute, spilling it down her new floral dress – and it all kicked off.

Bake offCooking up a storm: bake-off turned violent

One observer at the bake-off, which has been held at Little Brimmer each year since the Second World War, told the Suffolk Gazette: “It turned into a free-for-all. Mrs Summerskill took the brunt of it, with her hair being pulled by two ladies screaming that she was ‘the village bike’. Another woman threw her sponge on the floor and there was an unfortunate moment with a cream horn.

“And when someone shouted that Mrs Summerskill only won the prizes because of her previous romance with Major Bone, her current partner jumped up and punched him.

“There were around 100 people in the village hall and it threatened to get completely out of hand. It was a real shame because so many ladies, and even some men, had worked jolly hard on their cakes, pastries and breads.”

The witness, who asked not to be named, said the police were called by a startled group of hikers walking through the village, and the two officers arrived just as things were calming down.

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A police spokesman confirmed: “We received a call about a disturbance at Little Brimmer Village Hall. There were numerous allegations of assault, but after speaking to all parties they agreed not to press charges.”

Villagers have called a meeting to discuss the melee and calm simmering tensions, and it is believed the bake-off, which happens traditionally on the third Sunday of September, will be organised again – although Major Bone, 62, has agreed to stand down as the judge.

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Steve McClaren ready to return as England manager

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Steve McClaren

By Our Football Staff

Steve McClaren has delighted England fans by saying he expects to get his old job back if Sam Allardyce is sacked today.

McClaren, who was playfully dubbed the “Wally with a Brolly” during his previous stint as England boss, says his recent club successes make him an obvious choice for the role.

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Big Sam was in a showdown meeting the FA at Wembley today after being caught in a newspaper sting trying to bag a £400,000 personal deal on the back of his lucrative role as England manager. He also allegedly told the “businessmen” how to get around rules governing third-party ownership of foreign players.

The drama immediately set tongues wagging over who would replace Allardyce – and McClaren was quick to offer his services.

He said: “The fans loved me when I managed England before. Since then I’ve had incredible success with Derby, only narrowly failing to get them promoted despite spending millions, and then I took charge of Newcastle who, er, went on to get relegated.”

England fans were not so keen on a McClaren return: “I’d rather we had Steve Bruce… and that’s saying something.”

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