Horny shoppers all over the UK did not receive their kinky toys for Christmas this year due to Royal Mail workers strike.
Post offices all over the country are now flooded with mountains and mountains of dildos with nobody around to deliver them.
Royal Mail workers strike
Hugh Dennett, a post officer manager stated that they have been flood with orders since September, running the operation 24 hours, 7 days a week to get the sex toys to the people. The thing is, there are simply not enough workers to do the job due to the strikes.
Dennett later stated, “If it isn’t resolved pretty soon there will be hundreds if not thousands of sex-starved Brits this New Year. That’s not really in keeping with the festive spirit.”
There are many reasons which triggered the walkouts such as salary, poor job conditions, and rules and regulations.
It would have been a true Christmas miracle if Santa Claus himself filled his good old sleigh with 6 tons of dildos and threw them all over the city on Christmas morning.
Everyone will wake up to a blizzard of dicks hitting their homes, cars, lawns, pools and even your head if you happen to be outside at the time.
We can only wish for a Christmas Dildo Miracle.
In the meantime, what are the people in the UK supposed to do without their toys?
Making your own KINKY TOY
Lorraine Fisher, 34, founder, CEO, and lead engineer at GetFruityCo.com, released a detailed tutorial on how to create your own sex toys with basic supplies found in the average household.
The tutorial is only 5 minutes long. Unfortuantly, many sex-starved brits were too turned on and impatient that they did not follow the entire tutorial which lead to fatal accidents.
Many used the wrong kind of batteries, or lubrication which lead to lethal electrocutions and severe allergic reactions.
Lorraine Fisher will face legal action for mass misinformation. She will be tried in court sometime in February 2023.
It is reported that the judge which will conduct the trial was a victim of these horrible events. This might not go well for Lorraine Fisher.
During the trial, they will watch the tutorial in which she will have to explain in detail how to make it and how to use it. It is still unknown whether Fisher will actually have to insert anything into her body.
A Suffolk entrepreneur has invented a jigsaw puzzle based on the pulling-out and replacing of his own teeth.
Gordon Pritt (63), a retired golden syrup tester for Lyle’s in Plaistow, London, thought up the idea while he was pulling out one of his own rotten teeth with a pair of plyers.
Pritt, who claims that the work he did at Lyle’s contributed to the poor condition of his teeth, started losing his adult teeth in 1978 when he first became a trainee syrup tester. “When I got the job, I couldn’t believe moi luck, because oi always lurved their Golden Syrup. I ‘ad it on my Shrove Tuesday pancakes ever since oi was a kid. Oi eats ‘em flat, not rolled – with a spoon. But arfter about a year of tastin’ the syrup, moi furst tooth started to jiggle-jaggle, and about a week later it popped out.”
Duty of dental care
Everyone knows that sugar is bad for the teeth, but golden syrup, which is pure sugar and very, sticky, sticks to teeth prolonging its corrosive effect on the tooth’s enamel. Gordon claims that no-one at Lyle’s ever made staff aware of the dangers of golden syrup, nor provided tooth-brushing training.
Today, however, after losing eleven teeth, Gordon’s poor dental hygiene is working to his advantage. He explained “When I pulled out the larst one, I was about to pop it in the jar oi keeps moi teeth in, when for some reason, oi decided to put it back in my gum. Oi troid it in arl the different ‘oles in moi gums, just for a bit of fun really. Then, oi looks at the jar of teeth, and oi takes out a pre-molar, and oi sticks that into another ‘ole. Boi now, oim startin’ to enjoy meself and so oi keeps goin’. Befar larng, oi’ve got me ‘ole mouth filled with teeth but in the wrong places! Larf!”
Dental mental
It was at this moment that Gordon’s genius idea popped into his mouth. I mean his head…
“Next, oi thought, wart if oi rearrange moi teeth in the roight order? Wouldn’t that be loike a jigsaw puzzle? Yes, it would, oi thart to moiself. So oi did et. Oi re-arranges ‘em, and then oi smoiles at meself an’ oi thinks ‘ow ‘ansome oi looks, an’ then they arl fell out.”
So what did you do?
“Oi troid again but this toim oi glued ‘em in with golden syrup, and it worked a treacle!”
And after that?
“Oi pulls ‘em out one boi one and licked arf the syrup, then oi puts ‘em back in their jar. Then, oi phones up jigsaws-R-us, a jigsaw manufacturer in Ipswich, an’ oi tells ‘em arl about moi teeth puzzle idea.”
And what did they say?
“They said they couldn’t understand wart oi was sayin’ and could oi put it in an email?”
Live casino gaming has become increasingly popular in the last few years, and the reasons are clear. Playing live dealer games provides an incredibly immersive experience, complete with real dealers you can interact with and other players you can play with. With live casino, you can enjoy the same feeling of a casino floor – minus the travel time and associated costs. For most people enjoying that pseudo-casino experience makes it something to look forward to, and the experience is worth the while.
Yes, a live casino may not be realistic, but the same experience has been brought to your fingertips. Every day, more applications and features are being developed, enabling users to enjoy the experience through their mobile device ecosystem. With so many games to enjoy, no one is left out, as new users get support with resources to enjoy the gaming sessions more.
For instance, if you enjoy live dealer baccarat, we found CasinoUSA’s tips for playing live baccarat valuable and truly offering players a chance to win real money. The same platform provides details on the most credible casinos to access these games, so definitely worth checking out.
Reasons to Play Live Casino Games
For an experienced player, understanding why you should play live casino games shouldn’t be debated. However, new and inexperienced players have a lot to learn regarding this innovation. With so many reasons available, here are seven essential ones to note.
1. Authentic Casino Experience
Live dealer games provide the most authentic casino experience you can find, with an immersive atmosphere that closely approximates the feeling of being in a physical casino. With real dealers and other players, you can enjoy the thrill of playing against real people and soak in the excitement of an actual casino floor. Well, apart from the complimentary champagne with live casino games, everything else feels the same.
2. Interaction with Real Dealers
Interacting with real dealers in live casino games allows you to get a more immersive experience, complete with real people to converse with. You can ask questions, get advice, and generally have a good time talking with the dealer.
You can communicate with the dealer and feel that human connection, which you can’t get with traditional online casino games. It’s also a great way to get a feel for the game and learn some tips and tricks from the experts. The exciting part is that all that happens from the comfort of your home.
3. Variety of Games
With live casino games, the variety of games available is truly impressive. From classic favorites like Roulette and Baccarat to modern hits such as Blackjack and Poker, there are plenty of choices to suit all tastes.
Furthermore, many live casino websites offer exclusive games, meaning you can enjoy something different and unique. Plus, with new games being added all the time, you can always find something new to try out. You will find something interesting whether it’s an old favorite or something entirely new.
4. Ability to Play Multiple Tables
If you have been to a casino, you’d know that you can only physically be at one table. This streamlines your chances of winning, but the innovation of live dealer games eradicates that flaw. This means you can be at multiple tables at once and get your fill of bets. You can diversify your bets, giving you more chances to win and a better overall experience.
5. Live Chat Feature
Many live casino games feature a live chat feature, enabling you to interact with the dealer and other players in real time. This makes playing live dealer games a much more social experience and enhances the feeling of being in a real casino.
6. Lower House Edge
“The house always wins,” and since that’s a rule that can’t change, live dealer games give you compensation. The games often come with lower house edges compared to traditional casino games, providing you with better odds of winning. This makes live dealer games ideal for those looking to maximize their chances of success.
7. Bonuses and Promotions
Finally, many live casino platforms offer impressive bonuses and promotions to their players. These rewards can range from deposit bonuses to free spins or cash back on your losses. Live casino games offer plenty of value for money and can be an excellent way to boost your winnings.
Conclusion
Live dealer games offer an incredible experience that combines the thrill of real casino gaming with the convenience of playing from the comfort of your home. With real dealers, real players, and the chance to interact with them, these games provide an immersive atmosphere that traditional online casino games can match.
Not only that, they often come with a lower house edge, making them more profitable for players. All these factors combine to make live casino games an excellent choice for anyone who wants to try their luck and have some fun.
Enjoy all that Christmas has to offer, but look after that brain too
Mince pies, a quick rummage through the Quality Street tin, and just one more turkey sandwich is generally the soundtrack to any British Christmas. We love to indulge and, when the weather is grey and cold, there’s no better time for it. However, there comes a point where Christmas television, endless grazing, and perhaps a glass of glühwein too many starts to make us feel sluggish. Our get-up-and-go leaves us, our brains feel foggy and, generally, a lot of us are absolutely ready to snap out of the Christmas routine come the New Year. If you’d rather avoid falling into it in the first place, then we’ve got some tips to keep your brain going during the festive season.
Embrace the Great Outdoors
It might be cold out there but embracing it for a few minutes will do you the world of good
Our first tip is hugely important. Even though it might be grey, cold, wet or windy, or even a wonderful combination of them all, getting outside does wonders for your brain. Wrap up warm, embrace the weather and enjoy a quick walk around the block. If you can, find some green space and aim for those 10,000 steps. We’re lucky to have the beach on our doorstep, a popular walking spot, so head out and watch the waves. Seeing the sunshine in the darkest days of the year will help to lift your mood, whilst engaging in a little light exercise will boost your endorphins too. You don’t have to complete a marathon or climb a mountain; just a small change will make a big difference.
Teach Yourself a New Game
Once you’ve gone out for that endorphin-boosting walk, it’s nice to have something to come home to and get started on. Learning a new game is a fun way to get your brain working, and one that you really won’t have to work hard to convince yourself to do. Poker and chess are great choices as they are both games that grow with you. When you start off with poker, you’ll want to work out which hand ranking is the strongest and play your best hand each time; slowly you’ll begin working out pot odds and improving your bluffing technique. In chess, you’ll start by learning how the pieces move and, before long, you’ll be knee-deep in theories about opening gambits.
If you reach a lull in your practice then there are some ways to overcome it. Having a deadline can be a great motivator for some people. If you are trying to learn the rules of poker, you can sign up for a poker tournament to make sure you start spending a little more time remembering hand rankings. Poker’s popularity has grown with the rise of online poker tournaments and the ease of playing from anywhere. Chess will work just the same with online and in-person tournaments available throughout the UK, as well as the ability to learn all the moves of the pieces.
Learn a Language
If you enjoyed learning a new game then why not kick your New Year’s resolutions off a little early? Learning a language is one of the ultimate brain boosters and something us Brits tend to fall behind on when compared with the rest of the world. Those who speak a foreign language fluently are far less likely to develop memory problems associated with aging and, not only that, but it can open up a whole new world of holidaying possibilities. Whlilst it’s certainly easy to get by with English in many countries, speaking a common language like Mandarin, Spanish or even French can help you out in more rural locations.
There are lots of apps that will help you to achieve your linguistic goals and, with so many people having language learning as a resolution, there are usually offers to be had in the new year. Duolingo is a great option for those who want to gamify their learning, whilst Busuu will suit people who like a social element to their lessons. Getting to listen to feedback from native speakers is a great way to quickly improve your skills and the scoreboard systems on both apps keeps you accountable when you’re starting to slip in the frequency of your practices.
A good billing platform can help you track payments seamlessly. Besides, most billing software solutions are built with mobile users in mind hence you can create and send invoices with your smartphone.
2. Not Making Follow-Ups on Unpaid Invoices
Customers can forget to make payments within the specified time even after sending them invoices.
Sometimes delayed or failed payments can be caused by declining credit cards or other errors.
These things can be pretty common in subscription management, so you must never forget to remind your customers.
Follow-ups on unpaid invoices can save your business a lot of revenue. And this is where adopting a subscription-based billing model becomes helpful.
Using this payment model, you can create a recurring cycle to collect payments and keep track of payments.
Besides, an automated subscription-based billing system can remind you when invoices are due and send follow-up reminders to customers who haven’t made their payments on time.
Also, ensure your follow-up emails aren’t sounding rude or intimidating to customers.
3. Not Integrating Multiple Payment Methods
Ecommerce stores lose 62% of customers who encounter a failed transaction with a payment method.
What does this mean?
Businesses that do not have multiple payment gateway integrations lose a lot of customers which translates to a huge loss in revenue in the long run.
This is also one of the B2B SaaS billing that can be avoided by using subscription billing software.
Most of the ecommerce platforms allow multiple third-party integrations of payment methods to provide seamless transactions.
This can also prevent failed transactions.
4. Using a Complicated Pricing Model
To be successful with your B2B SaaS company, you need to choose the right pricing model. As a rule, your pricing model should be simple.
This will enable your customers to understand what value they are getting for their money.
To avoid complicating your pricing model, you need to limit your pricing plans.
Asking customers to choose from five pricing plans is frustrating them. It makes it difficult for them to decide which plan is best for them. This can cause more refunds, customer churn, and even open tickets.
5. Lack of Transparency
Lack of transparency can ruin your trust with customers. And this happens when you add hidden fees to your services. When you include undisclosed fees when billing your customers, you blindside your clients which can damage your reputation.
Instead, maintain transparency in your invoicing system and focus on creating long-time professional relationships with your clients.
6. Not Stating Late Payment Fees
If clients know that they will not be charged late payment fees, some may make payments late. Late payments can hurt your daily business operations, especially for ecommerce stores.
Ensure you state late payment fees on invoices to ensure customers pay before the due date or on time.
7. Not Branding Invoices
Branding your invoices is a great marketing opportunity for your business. For instance, including a logo at the top of your invoices and other business details can help to set your business apart from your competitors.
Besides, branding your invoices can showcase your professionalism. You can design a template in automatic invoicing software for small businesses that your are using to generate invoices.
Conclusion
Having a well-managed invoicing and billing process can help your business maintain an excellent cash flow and nurture relationships with your clients. These 7 can hurt your reputation with clients and ultimately lower your business revenue and hinder growth.
Avoid them by investing in a functional and effective SaaS billing system.
Author Bio – Reena Aggarwal
Reena is Director of Operations and Sales at Attrock, a result-driven digital marketing company. With 10+ years of sales and operations experience in the field of e-commerce and digital marketing, she is quite an industry expert. She is a people person and considers the human resources as the most valuable asset of a company. In her free time, you would find her spending quality time with her brilliant, almost teenage daughter and watching her grow in this digital, fast-paced era.
Children’s classic book ‘Where’s Wally’ flying off shop shelves
An Islamic version of the children’s classic search-and-find book, ‘Where’s Wally?’ has been flying off of Islamic bookshop shelves.
Halal me to introduce…
‘Where’s Wally?’ features the mischievous character, Waaliyah who, like Wally, just loves to get lost in a crowd.
In the book, the cheeky Muslim teenager is shown blending seamlessly into the background in scenes including, ‘A trip to the zoo’, ‘A day at the beach’, ‘Hajj pilgrimage to Mecca’, and ‘Waaliyah visits SingsBury’s.
In keeping with Wally’s iconic red-striped jersey, bobble hat, and blue jeans, Waaliyah’s choice of costume is also somewhat incongruous for an individual wishing to hide in plain view. Her choice of hi-visibility burqa, replete with reflective silver bands, does little to preserve her inconspicuousness (the quality of being not easily seen’).
Where’s Wally with a twist
Despite her dazzling attire, prankish Waaliyah manages to keep children and adults alike guessing over her whereabouts for minutes at a time as they quickly leaf through her debut publication.
A book featuring Waaliyah’s boyfriend, Wahid is planned for the new year.
France re-introduces national service – Offers sweetener
Emmanuel Macron has re-introduced national service for all French 16-year-olds. The idea is to promote a sense of civic duty and national unity among French youth,.as well as give them something to do other than play computer games and look at their phones.
The new national service is divided into two phases:
Première phase
Phase one of national service is mandatory and according to the French Government.will “enable young people to create new relationships and develop their role in society”. The one-month placement will teach skills such as: the brushing of teeth,.the shaving of armpits (girls only), taking the rubbish out, convincingly denying that France was lucky to beat England in the World Cup quarter-final, and why the French should never spit in the street.
Phase deux
The second phase of national service is voluntary and lasts between three months and a year. Youngsters will be encouraged to serve “in an area linked to defence and security”.– but the snowflakes amongst them may opt to volunteer for work linked to heritage, the environment, or social care. Diddums.
Phase Bakewell
An additional phase of national service for those youngsters who excel in the area of French cuisine,.offers the opportunity to bake giant Bakewell Tart hats for the other inductees. The choice of Bakewell Tart as inspiration for the military headwear is said to be down to Emmanuel Macron’s personal penchant for the tasty, glace cherry-topped, baked tarts favoured mainly by the English.
Sigmund Freud would probably say that this demonstrates a deep-seated acknowledgement that whatever the French try to do, the English will always do it better.
Do you consider yourself eccentric? Do you have an overbearing personality and slightly too much confidence for your own good? A zany charm perhaps, or quirky habits that demand people’s reluctant attention? Ever been punched in the face? If you can answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions,.then you could probably forge a successful career in British politics. But, if you are considering it, please, please, PLEASE DON’T!
Eccentric politicians
With the country on its knees, unable to provide even basic staple foods.such as fresh Iguana, or Dodo eggs, with every public servant.from teachers to railway workers striking for a decent day’s pay, with a border control policy more porous than the three lions’ back four, and national debt exceeding £2,365 billion, the last thing we need is another irritating and incompetent self-publicist getting in the way of actual, real progress.
Please do not stand for election if you recognise any of the following in you…
Matt Hancock, MP
Love rat Matt has three young children and was married to Martha whom he dumped for his fitter secretary. He is the first MP in modern times to win a horse race, winning at Newmarket in August 2012 although he was sitting on the horse back to front. Hancock is an avid cricketer and plays for both the Lords & Commons Cricket teams, sometimes in the same match if he can get away with it. Matt once played cricket at the North Pole but was bowled out for a duck by a penguin.
Screaming Lord Sutch
English musician turned perennial parliamentary candidate. Sutch failed to win in all 39 elections in which he stood from 1963 to 1997. A former rocker, he had a hit in 1963 with ‘Jack the Ripper’ with his band the Savages. His concerts often began with him emerging from a black coffin before flaunting skulls, skeletons, knives, and daggers throughout his performances. He suffered from depression throughout his life and hung himself on 16 June 1999 at his late mother’s house.
The Rt Hon Lord Michael Heseltine CH
British politician and businessman who started out as a property developer. At prep school he started a birdwatching club called the Tit Club, members of which were named after a member of the tit family – Heseltine was the Great Tit. While at Oxford university, he plotted his future on the back of an envelope, writing down: ‘millionaire 25, cabinet member 35, party leader 45, prime minister 55’, but never achieved Party Leader or Prime Minister. He was nicknamed ‘Tarzan’ after swinging the Parliamentary mace in the commons in protest at a Labour vote. More recently he revealed how he ordered 400 squirrels shot on his Northamptonshire estate to protect songbirds.
Michael Foot
British Labour Party politician who served as Labour Leader from 1980 to 1983. He was an ardent supporter of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, and looked like it. His scruffy appearance brought ridicule from right-wing newspapers who attacked his bohemian eccentricity, and choice of ‘donkey jacket’. He was nicknamed ‘Worzel Gummidge’ by opposition MPs and the press and depicted as a scarecrow on the satirical TV show ‘Spitting Image’. Labour’s manifesto for the 1983 general election was described as ‘the longest suicide note in history’ by a member of his own party. He never became Prime Minister.
