A transcript was released today of a ‘prolonged and unacceptable racist diatribe’ which took place at a Buckingham Palace reception yesterday.

Gzoni Lufani, boss of London charity Waste-a-Space, which celebrates and disowns black and African heritage at the same time, was at the Palace reception to celebrate the achievements of English women who dress up to the nines in culturally African fashions but manage to evade accusations of cultural appropriation – because they are black.

Lufani, an admirer of Princess Meghan Markle of Los Angeles, whom herself sees racism everywhere, released the following transcript of a conversation that she alleges took place between herself and a befuddled, geriatric, royal hanger-on who had probably had a few too many.

Lufani             S’up blood?                

HRH                ‘Er. Yes. It is rather!

Lufani             Y’alright?

HRH                Actually, I was hoping to get out of here ASAP. He he he!

Lufani             Yaah wah handsome man.

HRH                Yaah? Wah?

Lufani             Weh yuh deh from?

HRH                Erm? Where am I from? Erm? Windsor I think?

Lufani             Nuh. Wah part of Windsa yuh from?

HRH                I don’t know. The records were destroyed in the fire.

Lufani             Well yuh muss kno weh yuh from mi spend time inna Hackney weh yuh deh from?

HRH                Well… er… here. The UK. Actually I kind of own the…

Lufani             Nuh Buh wah nationality a you?

HRH                Well, as I said. I am born here and am British.

Lufani             Nuh Buh weh duh yuh really cum fram, weh duh unnu people cum from?

HRH                My people? What is this? Do you mean my fam?

Lufani             Oh mi cyaah si mia gwine ave ah challenge a get yuh tuh seh weh yuh fram.  Wen did yuh fos cum here?

HRH                We’ll let’s see. Papa was from Greece and had something to do with Denmark. Mama, well it’s rather complicated but mama’s great-great-grandmother was Queen Victoria of whose consort, Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha, I am a patrilineal descendant, so too of his family, the German princely House of Wettin. But it doesn’t end there. He he he! Through my great-great-grandmother Queen Alexandra, I am descended from the Danish royal House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg, a line of the North German house of Oldenburg, one of the oldest in Europe, don’t you know?

Lufani             Oh Mi kno wi git deh inna end. Yuh ah German!

HRH                Err? Camilla!