The Suffolk Gazette is proud to announce that we have signed up controversial columnist Katie Hopkins to write occasional features for us after she was sacked from every job she ever had because of her outrageous views.

Katie said: “The Suffolk Gazette is the biggest sack of shite I have ever read but nobody else will employ me so their peanuts per column is the best I can hope for. I hope the Editor falls of his bike in his pathetic lycra shorts and all the staff die of leprosy so I can edit the paper myself and make some much-needed improvements.”

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Here is Katie’s first Gazette column, penned after she lost her job at LBC radio this week. She would love you to share the column and let her know you views via the Contact Page.

HELLO, YOKELS!

How on earth do you manage to live in boring Suffolk? Fields and fields of pukey yellow jaundice rape fields for miles and miles and the hint of manure and smelly country folk in the air!

Give me Knightsbridge and Harrods any day where I can get some investment advice from those lovely rich Hooray Henry’s. At least they don’t smell of chicken shit and turnips.

Katie Hopkins: Hint of manure and smelly country folk

I wonder if you poor, uneducated oiks will be able to find the way to the polling booths for the June General Election? At least you don’t have to be able to write your name on the ballot paper. You can just do a X like all the generations before you used to write for your dole money or the rent book for those hovels you live in with your stinking cats and dogs and ragged-trousered snot-covered deformed children with their fleas and rickets.

I will vote for the party that empties the bins more often. We need those refuse lorries like they have in that foreign Spain or Greece that collect the crap and swish the streets with water.
If they could grab up all those homeless twats and take them off to the nearest tip, then so much the better in my humble view.

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What are all these empty shops in Suffolk about? I heard that Stowmarket couldn’t even support a pound shop with its quid pregnancy-testing kits and Rizla papers. We need to gather up all these poor people and shove them into the sea off Lowestoft, leaving just the old-money families with their Tudor mansions.

Do let me know how you’re going to vote. Do you really need all those foreigners picking your strawberries? Why not just have your fruit and veg flown in from California? These are the kind of decisions our politicians need to come up with. What suggestions do you have for them? Subsidized farm smocks for sitting on your walls chewing a bit of straw? Or free swedes and sugar beets for schoolchildren?

Just reply on this column. Please don’t write to me as I don’t want to touch your germy writing paper.

Yours, Katie

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