A return to imperial measurements will coincide with British shoppers being restricted to basic goods like tuppeny rice and treacle.

“The cost of living crisis is such that soon no-one will be able to afford most things at the supermarket,” complained mum Lorraine Fisher, 34.

“But as the Government seems set on the idea of reinstating imperial measurements, we can look forward to half a pound of tuppeny rice and half a pound of treacle. But only if we can get enough sugar to make it.”

Tory basher Steve Walshe said: “Some weasel came up with this plan. I bet he can afford to eat all he likes – perhaps so much that he goes pop!”

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