Essex’s very own Gemma Collins has thrown her giant, bedazzled hat into the ring for the coveted role of James Bond. Yes, you read that right – Gemma Bond, “License to Thrill.”

By Iona Diamond, Showbiz Editor

While the prospect of Gemma, famed for her reality TV escapades, strutting her stuff as the suave and sophisticated 007 may seem like the plot of a particularly zany spy spoof, she’s dead serious about it. In a podcast, she declared, “I’ve got all the qualities to be the next Bond, babe. I’ve got the charisma, the charm, and, you know, I can totally pull off a tuxedo.”

From Essex with love

However, self-publicist Gemma’s quest for Bond-dom is not without its hurdles. For starters, her physique, while fabulous in its own right, may not align with the lithe and athletic requirements of Bond’s action-packed escapades.

Furthermore, her unmistakably common Essex accent and colorful colloquialisms might pose a challenge during the high-stakes socialite scenes and discreet rendezvous at society balls. Picture Gemma uttering, “Oi, where’s the Prosecco, darlin’?” at a swanky soirée, and you’ll understand why MI6 might be hesitant to extend an invitation.

You ain’t ever gonna get this candy

Critics argue that attention-seeking Gemma’s command of the English language might leave something to be desired for a role that demands finesse and wit. Sentences like, “I’m well excited to be shootin’ these laser beams, ain’t I?” might not cut it in the world of espionage.

Nonetheless, Gemma remains undeterred, convinced that her unique brand of charisma will win over the Bond producers. She even has her own catchphrase at the ready: “Shaken, not stirred…just like me after a wild night out, babe!”

Gemma Bond

Only time will tell if Gemma Collins will become the next iconic secret agent or if her dreams of becoming Gemma Bond will forever remain a particularly forgettable episode of ‘unreality TV’.