WESTMINSTER, LONDON – British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has reportedly struck a deal with Greece to return the long-contested Parthenon (Elgin) Marbles.

However, the agreement comes with a peculiar and unexpected caveat: Greece must, in return, graciously accept all economic migrants and asylum seekers arriving on Britain’s shores in small boats.

Just send them back FFS

This surprising twist in the ongoing saga of the marbles has left many wondering. If the Prime Minister has stumbled upon a groundbreaking solution to two of the most contentious issues facing his administration.

The move comes as the Conservative Party faces legal setbacks in its efforts to deport unwanted immigrants to Rwanda. With British courts consistently thwarting attempts to ship off migrants to a destination more commonly.associated with gorilla conservation than immigration solutions.

In a statement that raised eyebrows across the political spectrum, Sunak declared, “We believe in fair exchange, and what better way to balance the scales of justice than by returning these historically significant marbles in exchange for a helping hand with our immigration challenges? It’s a win-win for everyone involved, really. Isn’t it?”

It’s all Greek to me

Greek officials, are said to be considering their response carefully. A senior diplomat, speaking on condition of anonymity, remarked, ” Λυπούμαστε, αλλά δεν εμπιστευόμαστε αυτόν τον wanker Sunak για την επιστροφή των μαρμάρων μας ή τις υποσχέσεις για τη μετανάστευση. Δείτε μόνο την αποτυχία των πολιτικών του στη χώρα του. Totally fucking useless.”

The political fraternity waits to see whether Sunak can pull-off a diplomatic coup and settle an age-old dispute between two culturally rich nations, or whether his policy on the Elgin marbles, as well as his struggles with immigration, prove to be his Achilles heel.