COVENTRY, UK – The West Midlands tourist board has launched a poster campaign to encourage visitors to ‘try anal’ while pleasure cruising on the Coventry canal.
The Coventry Canal is 38 miles of beautiful waterway that terminates to the north at Fradley Junction, just north of Lichfield, where it joins the Trent and Mersey Canal. I took a trip on the Moonshine canal boat owned by experienced first mate, Valerie Pike. I decided to come straight out with it.
SG Are you into anal, Valerie?
SLAP!
VP You dirty boy!
SG But… I mean…anal…you know… on the canal…
SLAP!
VP How dare you, you disgusting man!
SG No… you don’t understand, I mean the campaign… you know… taking it up the…
SPLASH!
After I had dragged myself out of the water, I decided to head for Coventry town centre where I thought I might meet some more open-minded folk.
Arsehole
In town, I spotted a burly-looking man in a Coventry City FC shirt coming out of the Fox & Hounds pub. He had a shaved head and his arms were covered in tattoos. He looked surly, not the type you would want to mess with. I was determined to find out what he thought about the new tourist campaign…
SG Sir. How would you like to have anal sex down by the canal?
PUNCH!
Bummer
After I had checked out of the hospital, I decided to head to The Sausage Factory – a gay bar I know on the outskirts of the city. I could hear the loud, pulsating techno music as I banged on the plain black door to gain entry.
Once inside, I sauntered up to the bar which was bedecked with fizzing, pink neon lights. “Hi, Jim, usual?” shouted the barman, whose name is also Jim. “Yes, luv,” I replied. As Jim poured my Appletini, I scanned the bar for trade.
I approached a skinny man with a stud earring in his nose. I’d seen him in the bar a few times before. “Hey,” I said to the man, confidently. “Wanna head down to the canal for a pleasure cruise?” The man looked me up and down and replied “Not really sailorboy, but I’ll give you a quick f*ck in the toilets if you’re up for it?”
