WOBBLY WALL, BROKEN BRITAIN –  Keir Starmer’s promise to “rebuild Britain brick by brick” has taken a rather wobbly turn.

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

When he moved into Downing Street following Labour’s 2024 election victory, Starmer assured the nation that his government would restore trust and security for millions. His speech outside No. 10, reminiscent of Tony Blair’s 1997 victory, was full of bold declarations about fighting for the people and reversing years of neglect.

However, this grand plan is already showing some cracks. Rather than a sturdy foundation, Starmer’s ambitious rebuild is beginning to resemble a shaky brick wall, patched up with questionable materials. His first major policy move – cutting the Winter Fuel Payment to plug a spurious £22 billion budget ‘black hole’ – has caused uproar, particularly from Labour’s own MPs. The internal revolt, with 17 MPs signing a motion against the cut, has been a stark reminder that not all Labour bricks are laid in line.

Crumbling prison walls

Starmer’s decision has also stirred controversy outside Westminster, with critics accusing him of shielding the wealthiest while leaving pensioners out in the cold. Add to this mix a scandal involving early releases of domestic abuse offenders – an unfortunate “brick that slipped out of place” – and the cracks in the Labour project are starting to show.

Then there’s the small matter of elitism accusations. It seems that Starmer, the supposed champion of the working class, has been accepting rather fancy gifts, leading to grumbles about “building with gold bricks” instead of focusing on the concrete needs of everyday Brits.

As Starmer’s political construction crew tries to prop up the shaky structure, one can’t help but wonder: is this rebuild going to collapse before the second floor is even finished?

Meanwhile: Savile Row Socialist PM Starmer gets the freebie-jeebies