A Suffolk woman has taken a stand against her husband’s love affair with personalized car reg plates by divorcing his arse.

Fed up with her car-obsessed husband, Kev’s seemingly never-ending collection of vanity plates, Tracy Bulge, a 31-year-old Nettle picker from Sutton, Suffolk, decided it was high time to send him a clear message in a way that would understand.

Tracy hits the road

Her plan was nothing short of genius and tinged with the salty sting of marital spitefulness. With a defiant smirk which said ‘F*ck you, Kev’. She ordered her very own personalized reg plate for her H reg Volkswagen Polo. But this wasn’t just any old plate; it was a masterpiece of passive-aggressive linguistic artistry. Her new plate read, “FF5 IM OF” which, for those uninitiated in the art of acronyms, translates to “For fuck’s sake, I’m off!” Brilliant.

K3V I5 A WNKR

According to one’s of her anonymous friends (Margaret). Tracy had put up with Kev’s excessive car enthusiasm ever since they first got together donkeys’ years ago. According to Margaret (who lives at No.28), dullard Kev’s registration plate collection includes classics like “CAR4ME” and “SPD DEMN”. Wanker.

Having decided to leave him without any warning, Tracy pulled out of the driveway for the last time with her new plate boldly telling boring Kev and the nosy neighbors that she was pissing off for good.

D1V 0RCE

It didn’t take long for Kev to notice the bold declaration on his (ex) wife’s car’s rear end. With an offended grimace on his face and short arms flapping about in a desperate but futile attempt to persuade ‘Trace’ to stay. The waddled after the departing vehicle.

If the message on the number plate wasn’t clear enough. The middle finger dangling out of the driver-side window told Kev, the game was up.

As I left the Bulge residence, a courier arrived to serve Kev with divorce papers.

Have you considered divorcing your neglectful husband over his tedious hobby? Email us at I’mdoingitmum@suffolkgazettesolicitors.co.uk