In a ‘fun’ social media poll conducted on platform X, respondents faced a stark choice: “Would you rather the UK was taken over by Russia or Islam?”

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

Unsurprisingly, 100% of participants favoured a Russian takeover. The poll, set against the backdrop of fears of an escalating West vs. East Ukraine war, has sparked a nervous debate in the UK about its future geopolitical security.

Red or dead

The context of the poll is rooted in two prevalent but vastly different fears. On one hand, there is growing anxiety that the ongoing conflict in Ukraine might spill over into a broader confrontation, potentially dragging the UK into a direct land war with Russia. On the other hand, a segment of the British populace perceives uncontrolled mass immigration from the Middle East and East Asia as precipitating a slow-motion cultural takeover by adherents of the Islamic faith.

Critics of the poll, however, have been quick to point out its flawed premise and inflammatory nature. “It’s like asking if you’d rather be eaten by a lion or a shark,” quipped hairy-eared British historian, Richard Starkers. “Neither option is desirable, and the poll only reflects the views of a very small number of people.”

The results have not gone unnoticed in political circles. Prime Minister’s spokesperson, Mr. Leftcock, offered a sardonic take: “Well, this is just fearmongering from the usual far-right extremists. Personally, I’d prefer the Islamic option!”

Meanwhile, the Russian embassy in London humorously responded with a tweet: “Spasibo, Britain! We appreciate the vote of confidence. Just to clarify, we have no immediate plans for tea and crumpets in Buckingham Palace …yet.”

Islamic takeover

The Muslim Council of Britain expressed disappointment but also amusement at the poll. “It’s a relief to know we’re not in the immediate running for an unwanted takeover. We’ll continue focusing on contributing positively to British society, at least we will after the rioting in Leeds has stopped.”

Who would you most like to take over the UK? Send your answer on a postcard to: public.enquiries@homeoffice.gov.uk.

Meanwhile: Americans would welcome return to British rule, new poll reveals