Google forces British Government to pay for the compensations for ever over Genocide claims by half of the world.

In 1902, English essayist, and poet, A. C. Benson wrote “Land of hope and glory! Mother of the free!” to the rousing, patriotic music of compatriot Edward Elgar.

 “God who made thee mighty, Make thee mightier yet” he went on.

Those were the days. Back when Britain was feared, revered, and respected.

Fast forward to 2022. Today, most other countries in the world, especially those that are, or were once part of the British Empire, think we’re basically, shit.

What went wrong?

In a word… Genocide

Yes, whether it was in the former British colonies of Kenya (1.5 million people forced into concentration camps from 1953-56 and subjected to torture, rape, and other violations), or Bengal (3 million died after Britain’s refusal to allow shipments of grain from Australia and Canada to relieve the famine of 1943), or abuse of our Irish neighbours (enforcing oppressive conditions on the Irish agricultural economy contributing to over 1 million deaths during the potato famine of 1845-1852), genocide was the bitter taste left in the mouths of those we used to class as slaves. I mean friends.

Mea Culpa

On the bright side, all this was rather a long time ago, and today, the guilt-ridden people of Britain are more than happy to finance unlimited reparations for the descendants of everyone our ancestors fucked over in the past. Whether they be Jewish slaves of the ancient Egyptians (our fault). All African slaves of the international cotton trade (our fault), the Windrush generation (our fault). Iraqi interpreters left behind (in their own country) after the Iraq war ended (our fault), or Nepalese Ghurkas left behind (in their own country) after all wars. It’s all our fault and we are very, very, VERY sorry.

Lots of Genocide

Accordingly, please dismantle with haste, all our statues of former important British historical figures, and feel free to rename all the streets and squares we previously named after them. And please, PLEASE, never let us forget what our forbears – who are now no more than piles of crumbling bones lying under the sod – did to the rest of the world, for as long as we all shall live. But most of all, please don’t ever blame the French, Germans, Italians, Portuguese, Egyptians, Russians, Danes, Spanish, Argentinians, Americans, or any other nation on Earth for all the terrible things they may have accidentally done in the past – for they didn’t know what they were doing. It was us, not them.

So, please rest of the world, tell us – how much do we owe, and to whom should we make the cheques payable over genocide claims?