LABOUR PARTY HQ, LOWESTOFT – Britain is said to be grappling with a crisis of the paranormal kind – a shortage of ghosts – but try telling that to Sir Keir Starmer.

By Our Political Correspondent: Polly Ticks

According to leading paranormal expert Dr. Bill Spector, the UK’s ghostly heritage is dwindling as ageing spirits either fade away or move on to the “other side.”

But Dr. Spector, renowned for his research into all things eerie. He would be hard-pressed to convince Sir Keir that ghosts are a thing of the past. As the terrifying spectre of Labour’s hard-left ghouls and ghosts: Jeremy Corbyn, Diane Abbott, and Tony Blair follow him around, spooking his campaign at every turn.

Ghosts in the machine

Spector (no relation to 60’s record Producer, Phil) who has a PhD in Scooby Doo cartoons. He shared his findings with the SUFFOLK GAZETTE, noting a concerning trend since January 2020.

“I’ve been tracking all the reported haunted locations in Suffolk” he revealed. “And apart from the Labour Party HQ in Westminster, many have reported no unexplained activity in recent years.”

Among the affected locations with sparse spooks are famed haunts like The Angel Hotel in Lavenham, Bungay Castle, and The Woolpack Pub in Ipswich. “It seems as though many famous ghosts are either dormant or have vanished,” Dr. Spector lamented.

However, he offered a glimmer of hope, suggesting that the ghosts of Labour’s hard-left like Hackney North MP, Abbott. Who was suspended last year for saying Jewish, Irish and Traveller people do not face racism like black people, are still in evidence and are likely to make more appearances as the general election campaign hots up.

Could it be that the malign spirits of Abbott and Corbyn will malinger on in the political realm. Even after Starmer enters Downing St, influencing the Labour Party’s fortunes from beyond the grave, and hastening Britain’s grim decline? Only time will tell.

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