There was more good news from the Tokyo Olympics today when Britain stormed to victory in the moaning.

Team GB was awarded a top score for completing a tough routine that was high on difficulty but a little low on originality. Rapid-fire topics included:

• Brexit
• Masks, vaccinations and COVID restrictions
• The weather
• Boris Johnson
• Keir Starmer
• Immigration
• GB News
• Right-wingers
• Left-wingers
• Work
• House prices

Despite a late drama when veteran Karen Smith was sent back to the team hotel for being too happy, Britain held their nerve and put in a superb moaning display.

They knocked the much-fancied USA team into second place, while Australia was disappointed with bronze. Judges determined the Aussies had been whining more than moaning, a slip that cost them valuable points.

Moaning captain Steve Walshe said: “This is the result of years of hard work and I want to thank everyone back in the UK for moaning constantly, especially on social media.

“You have all been our inspiration and we look forward to having a good moan about it together when we get home.”

British Moaning Association chairperson Lorraine Fisher, 34, said: “It’s quite ridiculous that we have had to go all the way to Japan to win this.

“The Government has messed everything up.”

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