ALDERMAN CANAL WEST, IPSWICH  – Pleasure cruise company ‘Canals R US’ is unveiling their latest offering: ‘Lovers Anal Cruises’.

Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

Promising a unique and intimate experience amidst the tranquil beauty of the canal. The package includes a four-hour scenic cruise, one complimentary alcoholic drink, lunch, a packet of condoms, and a generous supply of wet wipes.

As passengers embark on their voyage through the picturesque waterways. They’ll be treated to breathtaking views of reedbeds. Grasslands adorned with rare wetland flora, and the occasional glimpse of common kingfishers and reed buntings. But it’s not just the natural beauty that sets this cruise apart—it’s the unconventional focus on intimacy and exploration.

“For those looking to spice up their love life, ‘Lovers Anal Cruises’ offers a truly unforgettable experience,”. Remarked company spokesperson, Captain Kevin Lovejoy, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Whether you’re seeking a romantic escape or a more adventurous outing, our cruise promises to deliver.”

Water sport

Priced at £39.99 per person or £70 for couples, the Ipswich’s ‘Lovers Anal Cruises’ cater to a variety of budgets and preferences. For those seeking a more communal experience. Canals R US also offers group bookings for orgies of up to 12 people, priced at a flat rate of £400.

As news of the unconventional cruise spreads, reactions have been mixed. With some praising the company for its ‘progressive’ approach to pleasure cruising. While others, like Local resident and retired army Major, Brian Panhandle-Smythe DSO CIE. Chair of the Ipswich chapter of do-gooding campaign group.

Ipswich Lovers Anal Cruises

Residents Against Everything (RAGE) express scepticism and even outrage. “It’s not the typical day out on the water my wife and I used to enjoy in the 1950’s” grumbled Panhandle-Smythe.

Eying the ‘Lovers Anal Cruises’ brochure with an involuntary twitch of his moustache. “in fact it’s a BLOODY DISGRACE and against everything this country stands for. WHAAAAAT!!!” Whether it’s a romantic rendezvous for two or a steamy orgy for twelve, ‘Lovers Anal Cruises’ promises to be an experience unlike any other. With the controversial.

Meanwhile: Normal for Norfolk as sex with someone outside family unit is banned