ESSEX, UK – An employee (Art Garfunkel) of the UK Highways Agency decided to bid farewell to his mundane career with a potty-mouthed weather warning.

By Our Norfolk Reporter: Ian Bred

On his last day of employment, which coincided with the tempest’s ravaging of the UK, Brian Art Garfunkel, 52, seized the opportunity to leave an indelible mark on the digital road sign overlooking the Queen Elizabeth II Bridge in Essex that he had updated every day for the last 11 years.

Irresponsible

In an act of mild rebellion, the usually reliable digital sign programmer posted the uncouth message: “Blowy as fuck man (also my last day).” Reports suggest that passing motorists, taken aback at the crudeness of the irresponsible official warning, gasped in shock and suppressed embarrassed giggles – although how anyone could have witnessed these reactions is not clear.  In order for this story’s headline to work, a source later told the SUFFOLK GAZETTE that Art Garfunkel decided to quit the Highways Agency to pursue a new career as an artist.

Certain death

The ill-mannered departure statement, set against the backdrop of the raging storm, created a moment of levity as unbeknownst to Art Garfunkel, several vehicles were simultaneously blown off the bridge, condemning their occupants to certain death in the icy cold waters of the Thames estuary below.

Sorry

Later in the day, perhaps prompted by a stern call from the higher-ups or a pang of post-rebellion remorse, the digital road sign underwent an update. The profanity-laden weather alert was replaced by a more sanitized message, a sheepish apology perhaps written by a beleaguered highways agency official: “Apologies for any offence caused earlier. Stay safe on the roads.”

Meanwhile: Norfolk defends ‘rubbish’ new snow plough fleet