SINK ESTATE, SUFFOLK – 999 Emergency services were sent into full panic mode yesterday on a housing estate in Bury St Edmunds.

999 Emergency workers were left red-faced after rushing to the scene of what they believed to be a suicidal ‘jumper,’. Only to discover it was 74-year-old Betty Parsnips, a long-term resident of the tower block, calmly cleaning her windows.

False alarm

The alarm was raised when a concerned passerby spotted Betty, clad in her favourite pink housecoat. Perched precariously on the 16th-floor ledge of her flat, giving the windows a thorough scrub. Assuming the worst, a full-scale rescue mission was launched, with fire engines, police. Even an ambulance racing to the scene.

Firemen bravely ascended the stairs, equipment in tow, ready for a daring high-altitude rescue. However, upon reaching Betty’s flat, they were greeted by the sight of her nonchalantly wiping down the last few dollops of pigeon shit from the glass. Betty, seemingly unfazed by the commotion below, expressed surprise at the fuss. “Oh heavens, I’ve been doing this for years!” she chuckled. “How else are my windows supposed to sparkle like they do?”

Ledge legend

Betty revealed that her routine window cleaning requires climbing out of her 16th-floor flat and balancing on the narrow ledge outside. Despite the apparent danger, she insists it’s perfectly safe as long as “you don’t look down, or up.” Her spotless windows, gleaming in the sunlight, are a testament to her dedication. She’s become a bit of a local legend, boasting the cleanest panes on the estate.

“I never asked anyone for help, but now I have the fire brigade checking in!” Betty quipped, as firefighters packed away their gear, looking sheepish. “At least my windows will be famous now!” she added with a wink.

Meanwhile, Suffolk’s emergency services are reconsidering their definition of “high-risk situations.”

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