IPSWICH MAGISTRATE’S COURT, SUFFOLK – In a case that has raised eyebrows and lowered standards. A Suffolk courtroom found itself embroiled in a scandalous showdown over the size of a dancer’s knickers.

Crime Correspondent: Hugh Dunnett

Nicola Henderson, a 22-year-old pole dancer from Ipswich. She found herself in the hot seat after being arrested for indecent exposure during a performance at a local pole dance club.

The crux of the matter? Henderson’s choice of skimpy underwear, which allegedly left little to the imagination. Much to the consternation of an undercover cop who was at the club ‘on business’. Denying the charge of indecent exposure, Henderson took matters into her own hands. Or rather, her own cheeks, by presenting herself before Judge Bartholemew Crudité in Ipswich Magistrate’s court.

Judge for yourself

In a courtroom spectacle that rivalled her best performances on the pole. Henderson boldly stepped forward, turned around, and bent over in front of the judge. Offering him a front-row view of the controversial lingerie. With all eyes on the size of Henderson’s knickers, Judge Crudité faced the weighty task of determining whether they crossed the line from risqué to obscene.

Hung Jury

After careful deliberation, Judge Crudité delivered a verdict as memorable as Henderson’s onstage antics. Channelling his inner legal lustre, the judge issued a decisive directive to the salivating all-male jury: “If it fits, you must acquit.” With an approving nod to the substance of the underwear in question.

The jury promptly returned a verdict of acquittal, signalling that, in the realm of pole dancing jurisprudence, size indeed matters.

As a vindicated Henderson strutted out of the courtroom in her six-inch heels to the cheers and wolf-whistles of the jury. She left behind a legacy that will be forever etched in the annals of Suffolk’s legal history.

In a case that blurred the lines between decency and daring, Henderson proved that sometimes, the most effective defence is simply showing the court what you’re made of – no matter how revealing.